The telling of untrue things
by senna93
Summary: Violette Leclair, 7th year transfer student and skilled liar. Of course she ends up in Slytherin. Too bad she has no idea what House prejudice is, why certain people won't shut up about blood purity and why almost everyone glares at her. Then again, she liked it better when Sirius glared at her, instead of taking an interest in her.
1. It's all about the colour you wear

**Chapter one - It's all about the colour you wear**

The platform is one big blur of people. I can almost feel the excitement in the air, mixed together with happiness, tension and melancholy. The start of the new school year is a day for heavy emotions. Watching the students say hello to their friends and goodbye to their parents makes me feel like even more of an outsider, sitting inside the train on my own.

The door of the compartment opens and I look up.

'You are not supposed to be here', a short boy says in a cold tone. He has small watery eyes and a pointy nose.

A darkly handsome guy pushes him aside. 'But since you're cute, you can stay', he says with a wink.

I know I shouldn't be charmed by the compliment - my gut tells me that he's a massive flirt - but I've got to admit part of me is impressed. Not that he needs to know that. 'Who says you're handsome enough to make me stay?' I challenge him, one eyebrow raised.

For a moment he is at a loss for words, but then he slowly grins, accepting the challenge. 'My name is Sirius Black, and you are?' he asks and holds out his hand.

I take his hand, to shake it, but he places a kiss on it, making me stare at him. 'Violette Leclair', I introduce myself slowly.

'Beautiful', he says, but I'm not sure what he is referring to, my name or me in general. 'I'm pretty sure you'll stay, but be my guest if you want to leave.'

'You're trouble, aren't you?'

Sirius' smile turns into a smirk. 'You have no idea.'

He knows he's attractive, and he knows how to use it. I don't want to give him too much attention, because he is trouble, so I throw him an indifferent look and take a sip of my take-away coffee.

He's not bothered by it at all. 'This is my friend Peter Pettigrew, please forgive his earlier rudeness.'

'Sure', and I give him a small smile.

Sirius' smile widens, seeing it as a victory. 'So, Violette, transfer student? Which year?'

'Yeah, we'll be seventh years now', Peter pipes in. He seems happy to be able to say something.

Before I can answer, the door opens again and two other guys walk in. '-after that she had another glass of wine and hit the dance floor-' the dark haired one is telling the brown haired one, wildly demonstrating with his hands what happened on the dance floor.

'Guys', Sirius interrupts them, making them look up. 'Meet lovely Violette Leclair. Violette, meet James Potter and Remus Lupin.'

The light brown haired one offers me his hand to shake. 'I'm Remus', he introduces himself politely. 'I take it you're a transfer student, so welcome to Hogwarts.'

'Padfoot, since when did we start to invite girls into our compartment?' James asks and flops down next to Sirius, looking bored. He runs a hand through his hair, messing it up. Sirius elbows James, who starts to laugh. 'Fine, nice to meet you. Which year will you start in?'

I offer him the same small smile I gave Sirius earlier. 'Seventh year.'

'Splendid', Sirius grins, happy with the answer.

'Have you been Sorted yet?' Remus asks, in a soft and even voice.

'Sorted?'

Peter gasps. 'She doesn't know!'

'Hogwarts has four Houses', Remus informs me, ignoring Peter's dramatic behaviour. 'Gryffindor, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Slytherin.'

'Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart', James goes on, grinning at Sirius.

'And it's also for the attractive ones, obviously', Sirius adds with a wink.

Remus rolls his eyes. 'Ignore them.'

Sirius holds up a finger. 'Please don't. It's important, Violette.'

I can't help it and laugh at his solemn face. 'Now I remember that I've read about it, but I haven't put much thought into it. I guess I'll get Sorted later on or something.'

'In short, Gryffindor is awesome, Slytherin is evil, Ravenclaw is for the smart ones and Hufflepuff is the all the rest', James sums up. 'So you better take it seriously.'

'Your whole life will depend on this', and Sirius stares at me intently.

I bite my lip, not sure how to respond.

'Guys, stop it', and Remus rolls his eyes again. 'Please, ignore them, Violette. How comes you're transferring now?'

I keep my eyes on Sirius, who's still staring at me. His eyes are shining with amusement. 'Eh, my mum switched jobs and we had to move.' Sirius is highly distracting and I'm pretty sure he knows it. 'What's Hogwarts like?'

'Exciting', Sirius drawls, without taking his eyes off me.

'Okay, Padfoot, stop staring at her like that', and Remus sounds a bit irritated. 'Anyway, it was great to meet you, but James and I have to go. Prefect meeting. If there is anything I can help you with later on, don't hesitate to ask.'

'Yeah, something like that', James mutters and gets up. 'Laters, guys.'

'So, Violette, I almost have you to myself.'

I force myself to not look at Sirius, because if I do I'm pretty sure I'll blush if I do. 'How long is the train ride again?'

'A while', Peter answers.

I almost forgot about him. I look at the smaller boy – I can't think of him as a seventeen-year-old, he is so short. He is flattered because of my eye contact and his cheeks turn a dark red. Somehow he doesn't really fit into the group. 'How did you all became friends?'

Sirius shrugs casually. 'We all got Sorted into Gryffindor and became friends that way. We're pretty different, but somehow it fits.'

I notice how Sirius and Peter exchange a look, and I know that there is more to that story. However, I don't push. Peter seems to love the fact that he's part of it, because he sits up straighter.

The train ride to Hogwarts isn't too bad. It's mostly Sirius flirting with me, and sometimes Peter pipes up. At the end of the train ride James and Remus join us again.

'You can leave your suitcase in the train, it will be brought to your dorm later on by the house elves', Remus tells me when we get out.

The platform is packed and it makes me itchy. Crowds have always made me nervous. I wrap my arms around myself and I try to look as carefree as I can, but when Sirius gives me a concerned look I know I'm failing. I give him a charming smile. 'It's just a lot of people', I tell him and notice the cigarette in his hand. 'Can I have one?'

The first drag already calms me down. I blow out the smoke slowly. 'Good, where do we go to now?'

Sirius smirks, but his eyes tell me that he's concerned and not as flirty as he was earlier. 'Come on, the carriages will bring us to the castle.'

I follow Sirius, enjoying my cigarette. 'So what will the rest of the evening be like?'

'Just the Sorting and food', he says with a shrug. 'Prepare for next Saturday, it's the first Gryffindor party of the-'

I freeze, making Peter run into me ('Hey!). 'What the hell is that?'

'What is what?'

I don't even know how to describe the thing that's pulling the carriage, so I just stare at it, ignoring Peter who's looking irritated at me, ignoring the other three guys who are staring at me like I've just lost my mind. I feel like I just did.

'What is she looking at?' James asks Sirius.

'It's called a Thestral', a voice behind us says, making me turn around. A slender girl with thick, dark red hair smiles kindly at me. 'Don't be afraid, it won't hurt you.'

'Hi, Lily', James greets her. He is a bit too enthusiastic and he messes up his hair. I guess he's into her.

Lily ignores James completely. 'I haven't seen you around before. My name is Lily Evans.'

I return Lily's smile. 'Violette Leclair, transfer student.'

'What do they look like?' Lily asks me when we get into the carriage, giving away that she can't see them either.

'What is a Thestral?' Peter asks in a high voice.

'A horse-like creature that can only been seen by a few people', Remus replies almost automatically. I can feel him staring at me. 'I had no idea they pulled the carriages.'

I have a feeling that I will regret my question, but I have to ask. 'And why exactly can I see them?'

Lily and Remus exchange a look. For a moment neither says anything, but then Lily tells me. 'You can only see them if you have seen someone die.'

'Lovely', and I pretend like James, Sirius and Peter aren't staring at me. 'So, I take it you're pretty interested into magical beasts, Lily?'

Thank Merlin that Lily is smart enough to follow my lead. 'Actually, not really. A friend told me a while ago and I remembered because I found it interesting. Potions is my favourite class.'

And that's enough to keep us talking until we've reached the castle. Lily gives me an update on most teachers. James is happy to help and Lily ignores him as often as she can. It makes me wonder how long James has been chasing after her.

Once outside the carriage, the castle takes my breath away.

'Every year when I return it stuns me again', Sirius says softly and I can feel his warm breath on my ear.

Sirius is standing way closer than I first thought. I can smell his perfume mixed with the cigarette smell, and I notice that his light eyes are not blue, but a stormy grey. 'Come on', he says when it becomes clear that I have no idea what I should say. I look away and follow him inside.

'Miss Leclair, please wait here with me', Professor McGonagall calls me over when we get in. She looks exactly the same as when I met her over the summer, stern but fair. 'Have you seen your brother?'

dfollon 'Professor McGonagall!' James almost shouts, grinning widely. 'Have you missed us?'

McGonagall looks like she wants to sigh. 'Hello, Mister Potter. Ah, isn't that your brother, Miss Leclair?'

I turn around and see a broody thirteen-year-old come in. He's tall for his age, neat blond hair and a bit of a tan. When his gaze meets mine he looks away immediately. I guess he's still acting like we're not related.

'Mister Leclair, please wait here', Professor McGonagall calls out to my brother when she's sure he can hear her. 'You and your sister will first be Sorted.'

Unhappy, Matthieu walks up to me. 'You smell like cigarettes', is the first thing he says to me, frowning.

I make sure my facial expression stays indifferent. 'I'm sure there is something wrong with your nose then. You know I have none.' My gaze locks with Sirius, who's smirking.

'Right', Professor McGonagall says, unfazed. 'Now, time for the rest of you to go to the Great Hall.'

'See you at the Table of Gryffindor', Sirius drawls and his eyes shimmer with amusement.

I raise an eyebrow. 'We'll see. Bye, guys.'

'You're five minutes here and you already found yourself a boyfriend?' Matthieu asks me, the disgust clear in his voice.

I ignore him completely, not up for an argument.

'You two, wait here', Professor McGonagall says when all of the students are in the Great Hall. 'I'll get the first years. You'll walk in with them. You two will be Sorted first, followed by the first years. Questions?'

'No, thank you', I answer politely.

Matthieu just nods.

And with that Professor McGonagall leaves us to ourselves.

'Any idea which House you'll get Sorted in?' I ask my brother without looking at him. I know he's not in a very chatty mood, but he's my little brother so I try anyway.

'Not interested in talking to you.'

And I get the door slammed into my face every time lately.

I bite my tongue and keep quiet.

It seems like ages until Professor McGonagall arrives with the first years. They are talking nervously amongst themselves, looking wide-eyed at us. I smile kindly at them.

'Form a line please', Professor McGonagall tells us. When she's satisfied she turns around and leads us through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

The Great Hall is gigantic. The ceiling has a spell on it so it mimics the sky, and hundreds of candles are floating in the air. There are four long tables and one head table, where the Professors are seated. In front of it a small stool is standing with an old hat on top of it.

Professor McGonagall is standing next to the stool. 'Welcome, new students', she says with a small smile. 'When I call out your name, you'll sit down on the stool and I'll place the Sorting Hat on your head. It will tell you to which House you belong', she informs us. 'Matt Leclair.'

It bothers me that she doesn't say his full name, but it's probably because she can't pronounce it. Matthieu walks down to the stool, trying to look casual, but I know him enough to notice that he's nervous.

'GRYFFINDOR!' the Hat yells almost immediately when Professor McGonagall places the Hat on his head.

The Gryffindors cheer when Matthieu takes place at their table. I catch Sirius' gaze, who winks.

'Violette Leclair', she calls out my name with a heavy English accent.

I must admit that I'm a bit nervous, but I'm sure I hide it well.

' _This is really interesting_ ', something mutters into my ear, giving me goose bumps. ' _It's been a while since I saw such an interesting mind. My, my, so many secrets, such a clever lie._ '

I realise that the Sorting Hat can read my mind and I feel panic rise.

' _Calm down, dear, your secrets are safe with me_ ', it soothes me. ' _Now, there is only one place that you truly belong. Off with you, to_ SLYTHERIN!'

My gaze locks with Sirius, and I remember his earlier words, Slytherins are evil. His face loses the smirk and his eyes turn cold. I guess he was serious. I look away, swallow the hurt and sit down at the Slytherin table.

Calculating eyes welcome me in my new House. Professor McGonagall continues with the Sorting Ceremony, so there is no time for anything else but looks.

I'm not interested in the Sorting Ceremony, so I just check out the student body. The Gryffindors are the loudest. Some catch my gaze and return it with a glare. The Ravenclaws are quieter, reserved claps for the new students. When a Ravenclaw looks my way, the relaxed attitude gets guarded instantly. There is not one Hufflepuff that looks over at the Slytherin table.

I guess Slytherins aren't popular.


	2. House of the Serpent

**Chapter two – House of the Serpent**

'Welcome at Hogwarts', an old man says when the Sorting Ceremony is over. He is smiling brightly. 'We're at the start of yet another year. Let's toast to good company with bright minds. Let's learn a lot to make great decisions in the end. Welcome.' He claps his hands and the table fills itself with way too much food.

'So', a blonde girl says in a loud tone, drawing attention to herself. She has a wide smile plastered on her face, but it's fake. Just as fake as her hair colour, I assume. 'Leclair. Bloodstatus?'

The attention shifts to me and I realise that this is an important moment. The fake blonde seems to call the shots and is making up her mind if she wants to walk all over me. I return the smile, but I'm sure that nobody knows that it's not genuine. 'A positive. Do you need some?'

A petite brunette bursts out laughing, and a few people smirk, but apart from that I don't get that much of a response. The blonde just stares at me, not understanding.

It takes me a lot of will power, but I keep my face in check. 'Oh', and I widen my eyes a bit, like I've just realised my mistake. 'You meant to discuss my lineage. Let's save that for when it's your business', and I give her a fake smile, making sure that everybody knows it's fake.

Everyone seems to wait for the response of the blonde, who's slowly turning red. 'Mudblood then', she bites in a nasty tone and rolls her eyes. She seems to like herself a lot for that comment.

I slowly raise an eyebrow. 'Keep rolling your eyes. Maybe you'll find a brain back there that can explain to you what "your business" means.'

Silence.

And I'm bored already.

 _Hogwarts: A History_ told me that Slytherins are cunning and ambitious. They are self-preserved, resourceful and possess a lot of determination. I guess they forgot to add stupid to the list.

'My name is Scarlett Selwyn', the brunette who was laughing earlier introduces herself. She's sitting across of me and is smiling politely. Not overly friendly, but not cold either.

I study her for a second. She's pretty. Short, straight hair, dark brown eyes and a tan. I return the smile. 'Violette Leclair, nice to meet you.'

Her demeanour shifts a little bit, almost unnoticeable. But even though she hides it very well, I see her relax a bit anyway. 'This is my boyfriend Nathaniel Fawley', and she nods to the guy sitting next to her. 'And next to you is Sören Larson.'

Nathaniel has the same cool attitude as Scarlett, but he pulls it off better than her. He has curly dark blond hair, light cold eyes. I'm not sure if it's the colour that's cold or the gaze itself. He hums something that I don't catch.

Sören Larson is blond as well, but a platinum blonde. His eyes are a shade lighter as well, a mixture of white and blue. His whole appearance screams Scandinavian. 'Pleased to meet you', he says in a warm tone, but I'm sure it's not genuine.

'You're all seventh years?' I ask while dropping some food on my plate. I'm not sure if I'll eat anything, because most of it seems pretty greasy and my stomach can't handle that.

'Yes, we are', Scarlett replies. 'So is Esther Greengrass, the girl that... welcomed you. The other blonde next to her is Joanna O'Connor.'

Greengrass, one of the sacred twelve. So, that's what that was about.

'Then you have Nicholas Avery, the tall one, Severus Snape, he has a hooked nose and Owen Mulciber, he's a bit chubby', Scarlett informs me. 'Nate and me are the seventh year Prefects, so if there is anything you need help with, we'll be happy to help.'

I'm not entirely sure that Nathaniel is happy to help anyone. Scarlett must have noticed because she smirks. 'He looks like a tough cookie, but he is really just a teddy bear.'

Nathaniel throws her an ugly look, and I bite my lip to stop myself from laughing. 'Don't worry, your secret is safe with me.'

'Leclair', Scarlett says, 'That's French, right?'

'It is', I confirm with a nod, but don't offer any details.

I play a bit with my food, while I listen to Scarlett and Sören. Scarlett is pretty chatty, but she is careful with her choice of words. Sören is less talkative, but he is pretty sarcastic when he says something. I'm pretty quick to decide that I like both of them.

Nathaniel is quieter, mostly just humming in response when his girlfriend asks him something. I suspect that he's being careful around me since I'm a stranger.

'Nate and me need to lead the first years to the Common Room', Scarlett tells me after dinner. 'See you guys in the Common Room.'

'You should lose a couple', Sören says just loud enough for us to hear. 'They seem like an arrogant bunch.'

'Larson', scolds Scarlett and she gives him an ugly look. 'See you later, Violette', and with that she pulls Nathaniel with her, yelling for the first years to follow her.

Sören leads me towards the dungeons of the castle. 'Do you play Quidditch? You look like you'd make a decent Chaser.'

I raise an eyebrow. 'Decent? Try epic.'

'Sure', and he laughs, for the first time in the evening I'm sure it's genuine. 'There is an open spot as Chaser and Keeper. Tryouts are Saturday morning at nine sharp.'

'I'll be there', I promise. 'Which position do you play?'

'I'm Beater and Captain', he says with pride and signals me to take a turn.

The Common Room is classy and roomy. Leather couches, huge windows, a fireplace and a few tables. Everything is either green, silver or black. Maybe it's a tad too green though. Some older students are sitting at the fire place, talking softly amongst themselves.

'So, you're the new Mudblood.'

I turn around, to see that a young girl is glaring at me. She has two other girls standing next to her, giggling. They are at least two years younger than me. Maybe three. I turn back to Sören.

'Hey, I was speaking to you!'

Annoyed, I press my lips together. I relax my face and turn back to the girl. 'I think you misunderstood my silence. I heard you clearly the first time, I just chose to ignore you.'

Her face colours a deep red, and the two girls next to her look at their shoes. 'You don't get to speak to me like that, you Mudblood.'

'Pay attention, I'm going to ignore you now', and with that I turn back to Sören, who's grinning. 'Okay, where were we?'

Sören nods to a couch and we sit down. Out of the corner of my eye I can see the young girl walk away with her two friends, embarrassed. Sören notices me looking. 'You're quick with your words.'

I shrug, trying to let go of my anger. 'This obsession with blood purity is pretty annoying.'

'It's a big deal for some people around here', Scarlett says while sitting down across from us. Nathaniel sits down next to her and she places her feet on his lap. 'What did Umbrigde say?'

'Called her a Mudblood', Sören replies.

Scarlett rolls her eyes.

'But she's tougher than she looks.'

Offended I frown at Sören. 'What is that supposed to mean? Did you just call me weak?'

Sören shrugs, his face void of any emotion. 'Don't act like you don't know how frail you look. You can't pull that off.'

Annoyed I roll my eyes, making Scarlett laugh. 'So, Violette, what do you think of Slytherin?'

'Ehhh', and I shrug. 'I don't have an opinion I'd like to share with you quite yet.'

Scarlett smirks. 'You think we're morons.'

'Maybe', I draw out the word, grinning.

Scarlett laughs and Sören laugh, and even Nathaniel smirks. 'We're not all bad. Actually, we're pretty cool..'

'Maybe', I repeat, still grinning.

They keep laughing.

We talk a bit longer, until it's time to go to bed. The guys go to their dorm and Scarlett and I go to ours.

It's still empty, so Scarlett points out the empty bed next to her. My suitcase is already placed at the end of the bed. I grab my pajamas and go to the bathroom to get changed. When I enter the dorm again, Scarlett is already in bed. I get into my bed and bid Scarlett goodnight. I can't sleep, my head still too full with thoughts. I can hear the water faintly on the other side of the walls and listen to that until sleep consumes me.

When I wake up it's still quiet in the dorm. My heart is beating fast, and I feel a bit sweaty. Probably a bad dream, but I can't remember. I get up – everybody is still asleep – and gather my stuff. I get into the bathroom and lock the door behind me. Quickly I get dressed in my running clothes and leave the bathroom.

It's six thirty. I grab my running shoes and go down to the Common Room. It's deserted, as I suspected it to be. I put my shoes on, tie my hair together in a high pony-tail and leave the Common Room.

It takes me a while to leave the castle, because I take a few wrong turns in the dungeons. Once outside, I can feel the morning sun on my skin and things feel okay again. It's a bit chilly, since it's still early.

I slowly start with my work out routine. First warming-up by running ten minutes, then I stretch and make my muscles loose. I start my Muggle sports watch and start running.

My thoughts are all over the place. I can't help but think of the Gryffindors I met on the train, Sirius' look after I got Sorted. Esther Greengrass, greeting me at the Slytherin Table. Later, the young witch named Umbridge. It scares me a bit that they're so relaxed with insulting strangers.

I try to focus on my breathing, but it's no use. I can't stop thinking.

My mother who failed to drop us off at the station. I even missed her in the morning because she already left. There was a note on the kitchen table, informing my brother and I that our driver would pick us up to bring us to the station. Something's up, because she would never willingly miss seeing me off. I just wish I knew what's going on. It can't be anything good.

The other Houses seem to dislike Slytherin. My House now. And they're supposed to be enemies with the Gryffindors, or that's what Scarlett told me yesterday. My brother's in Gryffindor now. I doubt it will make him like me more. Probably the opposite.

This is my last year. After this year I'll be living at home again. With her. I don't think I can do that. But I have to. I don't know how I'll survive her. It makes me feel scared and lonely.

I force myself to stop thinking about her and I glance at my watch. I've run almost five kilometers, and I'm still under half an hour. I pick up the pace and turn back to the castle. When I've reached the ten kilometers I stop and try to catch my breath. The sun is climbing and I'm feeling pretty hot. I stretch again and when my heart rate has gone down I walk back to the Common Room.

I don't expect anyone to be there yet, since it's just eight o'clock and it's a Sunday. When I enter the Common Room, a few heads turn in my direction, but it's nobody I recognise. So I smile faintly and go to my dorm.

It's still dark inside and I need a few minutes so my eyes can adjust. I grab some clothes and go to the bathroom. When the door is locked I slowly I undress, trying to not catch my reflection in the mirror. I get under the warm water and enjoy my shower.

Afterwards I get out and look at myself in the mirror. Honey blonde hair, reaching past my elbows. Bright azure blue eyes. I'm paler than I remember. I study myself closely, taking in my thin long legs. I can see my ribs sticking out a bit.

I look away, disgusted with myself, and get dressed. The soft blue Muggle jeans and hoody cover up most of my body, just like I want it. I put my hair in a dot on top of my head, getting it out of my eyes. Well, most of it. My hair is too wild to just do what I want.

Once back in the dorm Greengrass is up. She is standing near her bed, picking out clothes. The noise of the door makes her look my way. I watch as her relaxed face transforms into a scowl. The tension rises. I make sure my face doesn't change.

'Morning', I say softly, so I don't wake anybody up and I walk over my bed.

Greengrass frowns, like I expected her to do. It's the reason I said it, but I'm sure she doesn't know that. She turns away from me, ignoring me.

I pick up my book from the side table. 'It's only to polite to answer when somebody talks to you, Greengrass', I push her a little further.

'Shut up, _Mudblood_ ', she sneers, still not looking my way.

The "Mudblood" doesn't faze me at all, but it irks me that she doesn't look at me. I hate to be ignored. 'You know, the whole being Pureblood and thus being better than me is getting a bit questionable if your verbal abilities are that limited.'

Greengrass's head snaps up, glaring at me.

Ah, bullseye! I use all my will power to keep the grin off my face, because that will definitely give me away. 'If you want I can give you a lesson or two about English language. There are a lot more insults than Mudblood.'

Greengrass grips her wand and points it at me. I raise my eyebrow and don't move to take mine. I'm not scared of her, because I'm certain she won't hex me. She doesn't seem to be the type of person to actually do something.

I know that I should stop pushing her, because I'm provoking her and she doesn't deserve it. But I'm feeling really reckless. Part of me wants her to hex me, so I can start a war. After all, she irks me. I raise an eyebrow as a challenge.

'Good morning, Esther, Violette.'

Confused I find the source of interruption. It's Scarlett. She is still in her pajamas. Her face is empty and her voice flat, but her eyes tell me that this is as far as it goes. I'm sure she sees the disappointment on my face, but I don't care. She didn't do this for me, she did this for Greengrass. I'm just not exactly sure why. 'Morning', and I turn my back at Greengrass, ignoring her completely, and get out.


	3. It's a grave new world

**Chapter 3 – It's a grave new world**

Waking up on a Monday morning is never a good way to start your day. It's even worse, because I'm waking up on a Monday morning in Slytherin, surrounded by people who dislike me. Plus, somebody really needs to do something about all the green. It's getting unhealthy.

Greengrass' and Scarlett's beds are empty. I hear the shower run, which means that the bathroom is in use by one of them. O'Connor is still fast asleep, or appears to be.

I decide to skip the shower today, since I'm not in the mood for another fight. I change into my robes and leave the dorm as fast as I can.

The Common Room is already full. I don't see a familiar face. Or rather, a familiar face that I want to talk to.

'I hope there won't be a scene today.'

Confusion is probably written all over my face, but I try to stay calm as I turn around. A guy with short black hair is glaring at me. He is short – shorter than me, but then again, I'm pretty tall for a girl. I remember Scarlett telling me his name is Mulciber. He has a rather unattractive face. 'And you are?' I ask even though I know his surname. He looks like the question would bother him.

He raises an eyebrow and seems taken aback for a moment. Then Mulciber raises his chin. 'I'm Owen Mulciber, and you shouldn't speak like that to me, Mudblood.'

'Right', and I try to look as bored as I can. And in a way it's not acted, because this is boring. Boring and predictable. 'So, Mulciber, anything else you feel like you should tell me? Because I really don't have much time to spare for things like this.'

Mulciber's cheers turn red, obviously not expecting this.

'Owen, leave her alone', and I recognise Nathaniel's voice straight away. He looks bored, but there is a certain hardness in his eyes.

'Nathaniel', and Mulciber nods. He smiles a small smile, but he still looks unfriendly. I have no idea how he even does that. 'How are you?'

Nathaniel shrugs and turns towards me. 'We'll go down for breakfast in a bit.'

I have to bite my tongue to stop myself from sneering. I really don't need Nathaniel to save me. And I really don't need him to act like we're friends – or whatever these people call the people they hang out with. 'Right. Well, have fun, the two of you.' Mulciber ignores me completely, but Nathaniel is still looking at me intently, confused.

I find the Great Hall, taking only two wrong turns, and sit down at the Slytherin Table by myself. I make myself a coffee, open my book (" _Fifteenth-Century Fiends_ ") and start to read.

'Morning', Scarlett says while sitting down next to me. Nathaniel and Sören sit down on the other side of the table.

Part of me wants to ignore them, but I decide on being polite and greet her back. My cool, I-am-really-not-interested tone should tell her that I'm not happy to see her though.

Scarlett is smart enough to pick it up and to understand why. 'I know that it didn't look that way yesterday, but I did it for you', she says quietly while making a sandwich. 'She has a lot of friends that can make it very difficult for you here. Especially in your situation.'

That last part makes me look up. 'My situation?'

Scarlett meets my questioning gaze. 'You being a... Muggleborn.'

I roll my eyes, annoyed. 'People seem to make really big deal out of nothing.'

'Blood purity is just a hot topic at the moment in Britain', Sören says carefully. 'You know this, right?'

'Yes', I agree reluctantly. 'I've read about it, but I went to school in Europe, so I don't think I understood the impact of it. Why are you talking to me then? Doesn't this make you blood traitors?'

It's quiet for a long moment. I can see them debating with their eyes and in the end it's Nathaniel who answers me. 'The thought has occurred to us, and if you're going to start a war with certain people here we'll get that label if we're still seen in your company. However, that doesn't mean we share the same opinion.'

I hear the if loud and clear. They'll drop me if I don't keep a low profile, for their own sake. I can't blame them for that. 'No, it just means you're scared', I point out.

Sören shrugs. 'And that remark means that you have no idea what you're up against.'

'I refuse to be afraid of a bunch of arrogant children', I reply icily.

Sören shrugs again, keeping his face in a cool and indifferent expression. 'We should finish this conversation later. Besides, it seems like there is post for you.'

I notice it's not a suggestion, but the end of this conversation. I look up to see an owl drop a letter on my empty plate. I force down my anger and stare at the letter.

 _Miss Violette Leclair._

It's from my mother, I recognize the handwriting right away. Part of me doesn't want to know, but I need to open it. I need to know.

 _Sweet Violette,_  
 _I hope that you've settled in by now and that you've made loads of friends. Hopefully you're not too lonely, my dear. If you are, don't hesitate to write me. I expected a letter from you, but the lack of one told me that you're doing fine._  
 _I'm sorry I wasn't there to drop you and your brother off at the station. I'll make it up to you by visiting you this Sunday. Please make sure your brother is present as well._  
 _Love, Maman_

'Violette Leclair, your schedule', a younger girl says to me while handing me a paper.

I stare at her, a bit more upset by the letter than I care to admit. The girl who handed me my schedule is pretty small, but has a friendly face. She offers me a small smile when her gaze catches mine. I return the smile.

'Are you okay?' Scarlett asks quietly.

'Of course', I reply, and force my face to relax. I put the letter between my book and check out my schedule. Three classes today, History of Magic, Potions and Charms. It's not bad, but I'm not in the mood.

'Aren't you going to eat?' Scarlett asks, pointing at my empty plate. 'We should get our books in a minute and go to class.'

I drown my coffee and get up. 'No, I'm good. I don't eat breakfast.'

We go pick up our books and go to Professor Binns' classroom, who appears to be a ghost. I'm pretty interested in the class, but his teaching skills are so non-existent that I don't pay any attention, neither are the other Slytherins or Ravenclaws.

Potions is with the Gryffindors.

We're early, so the classroom is still empty except for Professor Slughorn. He's turning a bit bald and seems to like food a tad too much. When he notices us, he smiles broadly. 'Welcome, you must be Miss Violette Leclair', and he actually says my name correctly. 'Are you a grandchild of George Leclair?'

I sit down next to Scarlett, who took a seat in front of the classroom. 'I don't know, I'm not on speaking terms with my father's side of the family.'

Professor Slughorn nods, and I see that he has lost some of his interest in me. 'That's a shame. How was your summer, Miss Selwyn?'

While Scarlett, the guys and Professor Slughorn make some small talk, I take a look at my potions book. It seems that the hardest potions we're covering are the Polyjuice Potion, Felix Felicis and Draught of the Living Death. I'm pretty disappointed, because my last school already covered them in my sixth year.

I can hear Sirius and James talking loudly when they walk in, making me look up from my book. James doesn't see me, but when Sirius makes eye contact his face morphs into a sneer. I look down again, not in the mood for this.

'How did you make it so fast on the Marauders blacklist?' Scarlett asks me quietly.

'The Marauders?'

'Potter, Black, Lupin and Pettigrew', she explains, a little bit impatient. 'Why does it look like you get everybody to dislike you?'

'It's my secret super power', I reply with a shrug. 'All I need is one look.'

Scarlett gives me a pointed look, but drops the subject because professor Slughorn starts with his class.

It's a dull class. Professor Slughorn asks us to make a love potion, and I finish early because I adapted the recipe a bit to save time. It makes it a tad less powerful – not something the professor will notice.

Professor Slughorn is a bit surprised when I finish early, and quizzes me on my potion. When he's satisfied he tells me I can start on the homework assignment: an essay about love potions. I've almost finished it by the time the class is over.

'How were you able to finish that potion so fast?' Snape asks me on the way to the Great Hall.

I'm not sure how to respond. Scarlett gives Snape a funny look, and Sören frowns, so I take it this is unusual behavior. On the other hand, he doesn't look like he has a hidden agenda. But, let's not forget he's a Slytherin... I decide to give him the benefit of the doubt and tell him.

It seems that Snape is pretty good with potions himself. He sits down next to me during lunch and we keep on discussing what leaving out certain elements does to a potion.

My conversation with Snape doesn't go unnoticed. Snape earns himself a dirty look from Greengrass, but he ignores it entirely.

I force myself to eat a little bit, until I see my brother at the Gryffindor Table.

'I'll be right back', I tell Snape and go over to the Gryffindors. They don't seem to happy about me being there, but I ignore them and sit down next to Matthieu. 'Hi, Matts, how are you?'

Matthieu looks up and sneers. 'What are you doing here?'

The conversations around us stop. Part of me is getting itchy, because it seems like Matthieu is in the mood to make a scene. 'I got a letter from Maman today. She is visiting us on Sunday and asked you to come.'

'Go away, I don't want to talk to you', he says, ignoring my words completely.

He's getting on my nerves, but I hide it. If he notices that he's irritating me, he'll enjoy himself even more. 'Don't be so rude.'

'Didn't you hear him, Leclair?' Sirius asks, who's sitting a few places further down. 'He doesn't want to talk to you.'

I push my nails in my palm, diverting some anger. 'I'm talking to my brother, Sirius, not you. Stay out of it.'

'When a Slytherin is talking to a Gryffindor, he's talking to all of Gryffindor', James defends Sirius without blinking.

I get up, wondering why the students in this school are so hostile. 'Time for you to grow up then, there is more to life than four Houses in a school. Matts, please be there, it would make Maman happy', and with that I go to Charms. This is going to be a long year.

* * *

 _Author's note Wow, chapter number three already. What do you guys think? Reviews are always helpful! - S. _


	4. Love, Maman

**Chapter 4 – Love, Maman**

At three o'clock in the morning I get up, unable to stay in bed any longer. I know there is a curfew, but I'm too anxious to stay within Slytherin. I need to see the sky and try to shake off this feeling.

Dressed in Muggle jeans and a dark hoody, I sneak out. The corridors are abandoned. Most of the candles are out, so the few that are burning cast shadows everywhere.

My feet bring me to the Astronomy Tower, and because I think that the exercise would calm me down, I run up the stairs. It takes me longer than I expected. When I reach the top, I feel light headed. The cold air doesn't help, so I sit down and wrap my arms around my legs.

It's a clear night, the stars are clearly visible. I stare at them, trying to space out and stop thinking altogether. I can't of course, I keep thinking about the meeting with my mother that will take place later today. I don't know what to expect, so I should be prepared for every scenario.

'Fancy meeting you here.'

Striking grey eyes catch mine, and the coldness in them makes me look away. 'Why are you here?'

Sirius doesn't answer, but I can hear him sit down as well. 'Couldn't sleep', he says eventually, in an even voice. 'What about you?'

I shrug without answering. I doubt he's interested in the answer. After a week of throwing me glares at every opportunity he had, I received the message.

'I know you had an argument with Greengrass yesterday', he says after a long pause.

Not interested, I don't react.

'I know what she said.'

It takes me a moment to realize what he's referring to. Greengrass was calling me a Mudblood, like she has been doing the entire week. It was a really childish argument. Greengrass was angry that I sat near her favorite spot in the library. Personally, I didn't even believe her. She was just trying to make me do something she wanted. She was trying to have some power over me. Of course that backfired. I don't let other people push me around.

'Do you have a cigarette for me?'

'Eh, sure', and I can hear the confusion in his voice.

'Thanks', I say when he gives me one. I make a mental note to buy some as soon as possible. 'What's your point?'

I watch Sirius bite his lip, noticing how attractive it makes him look. Not that he's aware of that at this moment, he's unsure of what to say. 'I don't understand you', he says at last, quietly. Like he doesn't want to admit that he even cares in the first place.

His eyes find mine. Without any shame he stares at me intently, like that will make him understand. 'Of course you don't', I reply, returning the stare. 'You don't know me in the slightest.'

Sirius keeps his eyes fixed on me, like he's trying to find something in them. 'Maybe you're right.'

I smile, but it's without any humor in it. It's more a pity kind of smile. 'Not maybe, I am right', and I blow out the smoke before I stub out the cigarette. I get up. 'And you never will. You lost the chance of getting to know me when you dropped me after my Sorting.'

'You got Sorted into Slytherin', Sirius says in his defense.

'The world isn't black and white, Sirius. Maybe one day you'll realise that', and with those words I leave him. I'm not interested in his reply, because I doubt it will be meaningful. Probably some House prejudice. People around here seem to be really good at that.

When I get back to the dorm it's almost six o'clock. I decide to go for a quick run, take a shower afterwards and try to get some homework done. It's Severus (yes, it's Severus now) who joins me.

'Why are you so nervous?' Severus asks after he told me to quit tapping my foot for the third time.

'I'm not nervous', and I try to sound as honest as I can. Severus raises an eyebrow so I know I haven't convinced him. 'I just had too much coffee.'

'Of course', he answers slowly, but I'm pretty sure he hasn't bought it. However, he doesn't say anything about it after that, so I don't care what he believes.

Around lunch time I say goodbye to Severus. I drop off my books and change. I put on cropped khaki trousers, a white t-shirt and a leather jacket. A big golden necklace, a little bit of mascara and a touch of lip gloss. I check myself out in the mirror, concluding that the trousers are just the right fit. Tight enough to show off how thin my legs are, but loose enough to be comfortable.

On my way over to professor McGonagall's office I regret putting on my heels. I almost take them off, but I'm not that kind of girl. I endure things.

'Come in', professor McGonagall says when I knock on her door. 'Ah, Miss Leclair, you're a bit early.'

'Yes, I hope that doesn't inconvenience you in any way?' I ask her politely while closing the door behind me.

Professor McGonagall's office is a small but practical looking study. She has a large fire and when I take a glance outside her windows I can see the Quidditch Pitch. I can imagine her watching the Gryffinors practise, since I heard she is a big fan.

'Of course not, Miss Leclair', she says in a no-nonsense voice and signals me to sit down. 'How are you settling in?'

I sit down, crossing my legs. 'Just fine, thank you.'

She gives me a disbelieving look over her glasses. 'Right', and her tone tells me that she doesn't believe that I'm telling her the truth. 'School can be difficult. The Houses are a big help to feel at home, but it can also cause some trouble. If you have any problem, you can always come to me. I know I'm not your Head of House, but I'm the deputy Headmistress. I can help you, or just listen if that's what you require.'

'Thank you', and I'm honestly touched by her words. However, I doubt I will take her up on the offer. I'm good just by myself.

'Your brother is running late, it seems', she says when it becomes clear that a thank you is all she'll get from me. 'Is that unusual for him?'

Part of me longs for a coffee, the other part desperately needs a cigarette. Too bad I don't have either at the moment. 'He's probably caught up by something', I lie and one glance tells me that she believes me. 'I shouldn't let my mother wait though.'

Professor McGonagall agrees with me and I use her fireplace to go to the Three Broomsticks.

The pub is crowded, and a bit hot. Smokey as well. I look for my mother, but after looking for her for five minutes I decide that she's late. Typical her, it doesn't even surprise me. I find an empty table and sit down.

'Can I get you anything, dear?' a woman with a pretty face asks me, giving me a questioning look.

It takes me a second to realise she must be Madam Rosmerta, the landlady who professor McGonagall told me about. She's probably curious why a young woman is sitting by herself, especially because she doesn't know me. 'Do you serve coffee?'

'Eh, yes', madam Rosmerta replies. The slight hesitation tells me that she doesn't get the request often. After all, it's the only all-wizard village in Britain. Coffee is more a Muggle thing.

By the time I've ordered my second coffee my mother enters the Three Broomsticks. She is wearing a long, light dress, bringing out her warm chestnut hair. She is holding a small purse, and uses it to wave at me when she notices me.

'You're looking good, sweetheart', she says when she sits down across of me. She offers me an apolitical smile. 'I'm sorry I'm a bit late.'

'No problem, Maman', and I smile reassuringly and close the book (" _A Guide to Medieval Sorcery_ ") that I was reading to pass the time. 'How are you?'

She ignores my question completely, as if I didn't ask it in the first place. 'How are you doing, sweetheart?'

'I'm good, thank you', and I return the smile she's giving me. It's a tad fake but I don't think she'll notice. 'Hogwarts is pretty interesting. The Professors are really nice and the castle is just b-'

'Where is your brother?' she interrupts me abruptly, the tone of her voice is ice cold.

I resist the urge to tap my foot, because it will give away my nervousness. Instead, I take a sip of my coffee, buying myself some time. 'He couldn't make it. He had do finish some homework.'

She hits the table with the palm of her hand. 'Merde!'

'He's sorry he couldn't be here, Maman', I say in a soft and even voice, trying to calm her down. It's no use though, she never listens to me in the heat of the moment.

'He hates me, I'm sure of it', and she gets up. 'I need a drink.'

Wary, I watch her go over to the bar and order something. The young man behind it hands her a red coloured drink. When my mother drinks alcohol she's angry. Seriously enraged. Unable to stop myself, I start to tap my foot.

'I can't believe this', she says while sitting down again. 'I try so hard, Violette, I give everything I have for the both of you. But no matter what I do, it's never enough, is it? Is it?!' The last part sounds a bit shrill, but she doesn't seem to notice.

'Maman', I start, because I'm not sure what I should say. 'He really couldn't come. He wanted to, but he wants to make a good impression.'

She shrugs and take a gulp of her red currant rum.

'You know what he's like, Maman', I try again while I wrap my hands around my cup of coffee. It's still warm. 'He wants to fit in, so he's trying really hard. Everything will be fine, just give him a little bit of space to figure it out.'

Instead of saying anything she keeps on looking outside.

Her behavior irritates me, but instead of calling her out on it I take a sip of my coffee, trying to calm down. 'You're doing great, Maman. I'm sorry I put you in this situation.'

That catches her interest. The hard look in her eyes disappears. 'It's not your fault, sweetheart. How are you? How are you settling in?' She frowns. 'Violette, have you lost some weight?'

Before I answer her, I take a sip of my coffee, giving her the illusion that I'm going to tell her a lie. 'No, Maman, I haven't.'

Her frown deepens, worried by my gesture, and I know that I've successfully distracted her from my brother's absence.

I tell her about the Houses, the beautiful setting and the nice Professors. I spend talking way too long about the food I haven't eaten and I inform her about the spot I got on the Quidditch team. This worries her a bit, and she instructs me to take it easy. She makes me promise to not exercise too much and seems content when I promise her that I'll be careful.

After my mother's third glass she decides that it's time to say goodbye. I choose to walk back to the castle, telling her that the air will do me good. When she Disapparates I start to look for a shop to buy some cigarettes. It takes me a while, but in the end I find a small shop sells them.

I'm sure that she is hiding something, but I can't figure out what. It worries me that she is able to keep it hidden so long, because she's usually the type of person to spill everything for attention. I know it sounds harsh, but it's the truth.

On my way to the castle I reflect on my conversation with her while enjoying a cigarette. She sounded happy – too happy. There wasn't any drama of my brother and me being at Hogwarts and her being at home by herself. I was expecting tears about that, lots of them.

When I enter the Slytherin Common Room, Scarlett calls me over. She's sitting with Sören and Nathaniel. The two guys are playing Wizard's Chess, while Scarlett has a book lying on her lap. I take the empty seat next to Scarlett.

'Why are you all dressed up?' Scarlett asks, making Sören and Nathaniel look at me.

I take off my heels, ignoring their looks. 'I had a meeting', I reply as vaguely as I can, not in the mood to go into the details. It's unusual for students to meet up with their parents during the school semesters and I'm sure they would be interested why I had permission to do so.

'You seem... I don't know', says Scarlett, frowning. 'Distracted?'

'Just a bit tired', I lie, and pick up her book. The cover says, " _Classic dreams and what they mean_." 'I didn't take you to be the airy kind of girl.'

Scarlett grabs the book before I can open it. 'I'm not.'

'She takes Divination and had to keep a dream journal over the holidays', Sören informs me without looking away from the chessboard. 'Of course, she didn't, so now she is making it up - check', he says before telling his Castle to take a new position.

Nathaniel and Scarlett curse simultaneously, but for different reasons.

I lean back in my chair and let Scarlett's talking dull my thoughts. Being friends with her really has its perks.


	5. Ambition, brains, charm or talent

**Chapter five - Ambition, brains, charm or talent**

 _Miss Leclair,_  
 _I would be delighted if you could join me for dinner this Friday, 7 p.m. sharp. If you're unable to make it, please let me know as soon as possible. If not, you're expected at room 102._  
 _Sincerely, Horace Slughorn._

I can't help but stare at the note in my hands, confused. I have no idea why professor Slughorn would invite me for dinner. And if it's even appropriate.

'Don't look so horrified', Scarlett says while reading over my shoulder. 'He calls it his Slug Club.'

'Excuse me?'

Scarlett rolls her eyes. 'The Slug Club', she repeats, speaking slowly as if I'm stupid. 'It's invitation only and there is always a reason as to why you're chosen. Your family, your grades, whatever. If he finds you interesting in any way, you're invited. I have no idea what they do, because I never got an invitation.'

'Hogwarts' brightest and best!' Sören says, mimicking Slughorns voice, making Scarlett laugh.

I put the letter back in the envelope and put the invitation between the book I'm currently reading (" _1984 by George Orwell_ ") and I stare at my coffee, trying to decide if I would even go. Slughorn would probably be insulted if I don't. However, if I do attend I'd probably have the feeling that I was wasting time.

'What would be the reason as to why she's invited?' Nathaniel muses, while looking at me, expecting a reaction.

'Can't be for her brains', Sören carries on, grinning widely, clearly enjoying himself. 'The girl can barely read a book. Always carries one though, to look smart, I suppose.'

'Can't be for her talent either', Nathaniel speculates with a straight face. 'It's not as if she's good in any of her classes, always unable to finish her potions in time.'

I roll my eyes, irritated but amused at the same time. 'Why did he really invite me?'

Scarlett shrugs. 'Who knows. You are smart, not bad looking and quick with words. My guess would be that you're talented in Potions.'

'Well, he probably just recognizes me as an important person', I reply, while stirring my coffee so I don't need to look at them. I'm not sure I could keep myself from laughing if I'd see their faces. 'After all, I'm the person who's going to change the world.'

Almost simultaneously they start to laugh, making me chuckle as well.

'I would see you do it, though', Scarlett says when we're done laughing. 'Changing things, you know.'

I drown my coffee and get up. 'Whatever, let's go to class.'

Even though I'm wearing a simple outfit, I still feel uncomfortable in it. High waisted trousers, a light blue shirt with the text 'Excuse my French', ankle-high boots and a leather jacket. No jewelry, no make-up, just a little bit of perfume. I'm not sure what to expect, and that makes me uncomfortable.

'We don't bite.'

I turn around, a little bit too fast because I feel dizzy for a moment. A friendly looking redhead smiles at me. Lily Evans.

'You're looking nice', she notices. 'Love the colour of your boots.'

'Thanks', and I return her smile, a bit cautious because I'm not in the mood for an argument about me being an evil Slytherin again. I've had way too many of those already, mainly with the Marauders. 'Can't say the same, though. What are you wearing?' I ask her, not to offend her, but because she's wearing a dress that's out of style for ten years now or something.

Lily looks down at her dress. 'Yes, I know', and she doesn't sound offended. 'Wizards aren't up to date with Muggle fashion.'

I bite on my lip to conceal a smirk. 'So you decided to fit in and wear your grandmothers clothes?'

'It seems that you're braver than me', and she shrugs, a little bit embarrassed.

'Well, I still need to go inside', I say and wink, making Lily laugh.

'I promise we don't bite', Lily says, and with that we enter together.

It's a simple room, with a large table in the center, demanding attention. It's filled with expensive looking dishes and silverware. At one end of the table, Professor Slughorn is seated. Tree students sitting close to him, all dressed in plain dress robes.

I take a seat next to a small blonde and Lily takes a seat at the other side of the table, next to a tall guy. He's wearing glasses and staring at me. It makes me uncomfortable, but instead of showing it I stare back at him, hoping I can make him look away. It works.

'Welcome, girls', Slughorn says, smiling brightly. He's clearly happy to see us. 'Violette, meet Miss Dahlia Fleur-Peri. You must have already met Mister Severus Snape and Mister Adrian Morgan.'

Because it seems expected of me, I say hi, pretending that there is nothing awkward about this situation. Adrian starts to stare at me again and Severus just nods. Dahlia just seems bored by the entire situation.

Slughorn offers us something to drink. Lily goes for plain water, while I ask for a coffee. I pay no attention to the weird looks I get for asking coffee. Wizards really should try something new once in a while, instead of frowning upon new things.

'We were talking about potions, girls', and Slughorn winks at Severus, as if they just shared an inside joke. 'Both of you are excelling in this field as well. Which school did you attend, Violette?'

I take a sip of my coffee, deciding how to answer. I don't want to be queried, but on the other hand I don't want to seem rude. 'I went to Beauxbatons.'

'All-girls school with blue uniforms, right?' Adrian asks politely.

Just by looking at him I can see him imagining me in my uniform, probably less clothes than the actual uniform consists of. I decide right there and then that I don't like him. 'No, it's not an all-girls school.'

'Ah', Slughorn says, sounding happy with the answer. 'So you moved away from the lovely France. Must have been hard to leave your country.'

'Belgium, actually', I correct Slughorn, stirring my coffee. His confused look tells me I need to elaborate. 'I lived in Belgium, but attended Beauxbatons. So technically I left Belgium, not France.'

The door opens, and a neat guy enters. He's a bit younger than me. His demeanor vaguely reminds me of Sirius.

'Ah, Regulus, I almost thought you couldn't make it', Slughorn welcomes him. He takes a seat next to me. 'Meet Miss Violette Leclair. Violette, this is Mister Regulus Black. You're in the same House.'

Slughorn leads the conversation, making sure he's the center of the attention at all times. He tries to pry more information out of me about my past, catches up with the other students to make sure he didn't miss much over the summer.

I don't pay much attention to the conversation itself, listening with half an ear. Instead I try to figure out why these five were chosen.

Lily, with her stunning dark red hair, could be chosen for her beauty, but she is smart and easy to talk to. She has a knack for potions or as Slughorn calls it "an instinctual understanding of the subject." I'm not sure if he actually means it or just wants to flatter Lily to make her like him. It's unclear if it's working.

Regulus, who must be Sirius' younger brother, has a name that helped him get chosen or maybe his surname is the only reason he's here. He's quiet, polite and respectful. Other than his looks, he looks nothing like his brother.

The petite girl sitting next to me, Dahlia, has a lot of connections with well-known people. She isn't very bright, openly showing when she doesn't like a subject. She's two or three years younger and is interested in music. I can picture her being up on a stage in the spotlight, being lavished with attention.

Severus got chosen because of his talent in potions. He's respectful towards Slughorn, but mostly spends his time staring at Lily when he's sure she won't notice. Something happened between them, because Lily won't even look in his direction.

And then there is the guy that uses every chance he gets to stare at me. Adrian doesn't strike me as extremely smart or well connected, but he seems to ask all the right questions, making Slughorn love him for that. Adrian knows it, smirking every time when Slughorn, flattered by the attention, starts to elaborate.

'Violette, aren't you enjoying the pudding?' Slughorn asks me, making everybody look my way.

I smile sweetly, hoping he doesn't catch my irritation. 'It's lovely, I'm just already full. I had too much dinner.'

'You barely ate dinner', Adrian points out, looking completely innocent.

I could hit him for that. 'I had a late lunch', I explain, making sure I sound calm and collected. 'How are you enjoying your pudding, Adrian?' I refocus the center of attention, taking a sip of my coffee.

Adrian frowns for a split second, confirming that he was trying to bait me. He recovers quickly though. 'It's great, thanks.'

After pudding Slughorn bids us a good evening, saying that we need to watch our mail closely. We should expect a letter soon with a new date for dinner. I'm undecided on if I'll attend it.

Accompanied by Severus and Regulus, I walk back to the Slytherin Common Room. Severus is quiet, my guess is that he's thinking of Lily. Regulus is equally quiet, but I have no idea what he's thinking. He didn't say much during dinner either. We split up at the Common Room with a soft "bye".

Since it's only nine o'clock, I put some books in my bag and go to the library. At this time on a Friday evening, the library is pretty much desolated.

A few Ravenclaws are sitting at a large table, throwing me daggers with their eyes for opening the door too loudly. I can't be sure, of course, but I can't imagine that there is anything else that I could have done wrong.

I ignore the Ravenclaws and stroll through the library. The restricted section is closed and the librarian with the key is nowhere to be seen. I go over to the potions section, but nothing catches my attention. When I reach the section on Arithmancy, I see Remus Lupin sitting on his own. Before I can turn around, he notices me and signals me to come over.

'Hi, Violette', he greets me and he clears up a part of the table, making clear that he wants me to sit down. 'I know that we scheduled to work on the Arithmancy project tomorrow, but I could use some help with the individual assignment. Did you already start on it?'

While saying hi to the sandy haired guy, I take a seat next to him. 'Not yet, but I can take a look.'

Remus' neat handwriting starts to dance when I've read the first sentence. I feel a wave of dizziness and nausea wash over me and close my eyes for a second.

'Are you okay?'

I open my eyes and smile. 'Yeah, sure.'

'You don't look so well', Remus says, looking concerned.

I widen my smile a bit. 'I'm just tired, now shut up for a second so I can read.'

Remus' essay is pretty good, but I discover a major mistake in his calculation. I offer some details for his informative section as well. When I'm done with his essay, I start on my own. Instead of actually writing anything I end up just staring at the parchment. I feel pretty awful, maybe I should have eaten a little bit more today. Or I haven't had enough water.

'Violette?'

I look up, to see Remus staring at me. His gaze gives me the feeling that he's been trying to get my attention for a while now. 'Yes?' I ask and smile sheepishly.

'Are you sure that you're okay?' and his frown deepens.

'Absolutely', I confirm and glance at my empty parchment. I shouldn't have spaced out like that, it doesn't look good. 'Like I said, I'm just tired. Anyway, I don't understand why professor-'

'Why did you tell everyone that you're a Muggleborn when you're not?' Remus interrupts me.

I can feel myself tense, because I don't understand why Remus would ask me this. He is looking at me like I'm a kind of puzzle he needs to solve. Unsure of what to say, I weigh my options. He gave away that he knows that I'm not, so if I deny it he knows I'm lying. I don't need him to know how well I can lie. On the other hand, if I confirm that I'm not I need to tell him why I went along with it. I can't tell him either. 'I never said anything about it, people just assumed', I say slowly, not sure if I made the right call here.

'That doesn't answer why you did it', Remus says pointed.

This has to be good. I can't tell him that I let them believe that I am a Muggleborn so they have something to focus on. Remus is smart enough to understand then that there is something else I'm hiding. And I really don't need him to start digging. 'I guess I need to admit that I like to argue. Especially with stuck-up people like Greengrass.'

Remus studies me for a second, and smiles then, believing my lie. 'They'll probably find out sooner or later.'

I hold back a sigh of relief. 'Probably. Hopefully that will be equally fun', I answer with a wink.

Part of me wants to run right there and then, before I make another mistake, but Remus would notice that something's up. So I write my essay and afterwards we start on our project together. Around nine o'clock Remus says that he needs to go meet his friends. We say goodbye and I go straight to bed, reflecting on my conversation with Remus. I need to be more careful with him in the future.

* * *

 _Author's note I guess this is pretty much the last one of the 'introduction' chapters, now things are going to get more interesting. Well, I hope you guys find it interesting. I'd love to hear what you think!_


	6. Lies and relevations

**Chapter six – Lies and revelations**

My first thought when I walk into the Common Room is that I'm in the wrong one. A bunch of couches have changed position, forming a circle formation now. About a dozen students are occupying them, laughing loudly and...drinking? I almost get out, but before I can flee the focus of the room lands on me.

'L-Leclair!' O'Conner slurs. Obviously drunk.

'How you're doing?' I ask her, while keeping a sharp eye on her – I don't want her near me if she's the kind of drunk that throws up. A glance in Greengrass' direction tells me that she is going to have a serious talk with her friend about drinking in public.

'Great! W-we're playing a game – come, play w-with us!' She pats on an empty seat next to her, signaling me to sit down next to her. Because I don't move immediately, she stands up and gives me the impression that she's going to coming over to...escort me?

I grind my teeth, not in the mood for drunk people. However, everybody is looking at me like I have to join – and let's admit, part of me is interested – so I take a seat next to Sören. 'What are we playing?'

'When it's your turn you pick someone, Leclair. He has two choices: he tells a lie or a truth about himself. The other one has to guess which one is the case – if he's wrong he has to drink, if he's right the other one has to drink', somebody who I don't recognize explains.

'So, O'Connor, either you suck at this game or you just like being drunk', and I smile sweetly at her. I'm not sure she even understands that this is a stab. Greengrass does, narrowing her eyes.

'Leclair, your turn!', somebody practically yells in my direction.

That somebody is a boy who's sitting next to Avery. He has light brown eyes hiding behind glasses and short black hair, sticking up in every direction. 'And you are?' I ask him, and throw him an ugly look. I'm a bit annoyed by the fact that everybody uses my name as if they know me, while I barely know half of the students in my year.

He grins. 'Cassius Warrington – I'm a year below you.'

I frown, remembering who he is now. 'You're a Chaser, right?'

His grin slowly changes into a smile, but that one disappears quickly when I'm not returning it. 'Right.'

'Right', I repeat slowly. His face tells me that it annoys him, and I need to force myself to not smile. It's amusing to annoy people and amazing how fast some people are rattled. My gaze locks with Scarlett', who seems to find the situation extremely funny as well.

I have no idea what kind of things we're sharing, so I decide to play it safe. 'My first kiss was in the men's room.'

He raises an eyebrow. 'False.'

I laugh. 'Drink up.'

'You kissed somebody in the men's room?' A girl asks, disgusted. I don't recognise her.

'Why not?' I challenge her while I lean back in my seat, relaxing. This situation might become interesting.

'Because it's gross.'

'You've obviously never been in a men's room.'

She shrugs. 'No, so?'

I roll my eyes and decide to move on. This is going nowhere. 'Scarlett, your turn.'

Scarlett looks at me, but I can't read her at all. I have no idea what she's thinking. This is Scarlett' Slytherin side, not my friend. Then I realise that most people here aren't here as friends, this is politics. Getting leverage over others. Scarlett tells a lie, I think it's true so I get to drink.

The game goes on and I learn a lot of interesting facts. And I learn who can't and who can lie. And who can't and who can drink. I'm in the second and first category, accordingly.

At ten o'clock we stop and the big group splits up.

'You really can't drink, can you?' Nathaniel asks, and he's smirking.

I don't think it's a "I'm making fun of you"-smirk but I'm not sure. The alcohol makes it hard to concentrate. 'This is the first time I've had more than one glass', I confess. 'It's weird, being drunk. I never would have imagined that it's like this.'

Sören laughs. 'What's it like then?'

'I really don't-' and then I stop myself. I shouldn't be talking in this state. Scarlett, Nathaniel and Sören might be my friends at the moment, but that could easily change. They've said so themselves.

Time to change the topic. 'Did you know that an American writer named Nathaniel Hawthorne wrote a novel called the "Scarlett Letter"?' I can feel them stare at me. 'His original surname was Hathorne, without the w. He changed it to hide that he was related to a certain John Hathorne, the only judge who was involved in the Salem witch trails. Makes you wonder if John wasn't a Squib, right?'

Scarlett shares a glance with Nathaniel, but I don't understand the intention behind it. 'Thank you for the information', Scarlett says slowly. 'Maybe it's best if you get some rest, Violette.'

'Scarlett's right', Sören seconds her. 'You should get some rest.'

I get up and ignore that the room starts to spin. 'I'm going to get some air. I'll see you guys tomorrow.'

'Are you sure?' Scarlett asks me, giving me a concerned look. 'Sleep might be a better idea. Trust me, I've been in your shoes.'

'I'll be fine, it's just a short walk', and with that I wave goodbye so I can get my coat and cigarettes. On my way out of the Common Room Scarlett tries again to make me go to bed, but I ignore her.

It takes me a while to get outside. Mainly because I'm walking extremely slowly, trying not to stumble and fall. That would be embarrassing. Once outside I lit a cigarette. It's a little bit chilly, so I wander over to the greenhouses. As expected, the doors are unlocked. I walk in one that's filled with all kinds of special looking plants. Part of me remembers to not touch rare flowers, so I sit down, stub out my cigarette and light another one.

My thoughts are chaotic. My mind is filled with wild ideas and I don't know where reality ends and fantasy begins. It's confusing.

I can hear footsteps nearing. Part of me starts to panic, because it doesn't look good. I'm drunk, sitting on the ground with a cigarette in my hand. It's no use to stub it out, because there are a few lying on the ground. I'm in no state to use any magic. I can dig a hole, I suppose, to cover them up. Wow, that's a bad idea. I should stop thinking altogether.

The door opens and I look up. It takes me a moment to realise that it's not a Professor, but Sirius Black. He's wearing dark Muggle clothes and has a surprised look on his face.

'What are you doing here?' I can hear the hardness and distrust in my own voice.

Sirius closes the door of the greenhouse behind him. 'Are you drunk?'

I want to shove him out of my sight, hard. But I'm realistic, the chances that I'd fall while getting up and walking over to him are pretty big. 'Go away.'

'You're wasted', he answers his own question and walks up to me.

I lean my head against the glass wall behind me and close my eyes, willing him away. I'm aware it's a pretty childish action, but it's the best one available at the moment. It's not like I can run away or anything. Besides, I was here first. He should go, not me.

'Are you okay?'

Startled by how close he sounds, I open my eyes. His face is just a few inches away from mine. I can see that he has small lighter specks in his grey eyes. They're like – the shade of grey that's called rocket metallic. Glittery. Can somebody's eyes have a metallic colour? Is that even possible? 'Why are you so close?' I whisper, focusing on a question that can be answered. I'm not sure why I'm whispering, but somehow it feels wrong to talk too loudly.

Sirius sits down next to me and grabs his pack of cigarettes, offering one to me. I decline and give him one of my pack, telling him that I owe him. 'Why are you sitting here by yourself, drunk?'

'Why are you acting like a human being?' I ask him instead of answering. Sirius raises an eyebrow. 'I'm not answering any of your questions if you don't answer mine. Besides, you should be careful. I'd hate to get some slime on you. I've heard it stains.'

'What?' and Sirius frowns, not understanding.

I lit a cigarette and take a drag, slowly blowing out the smoke. 'Slytherins are supposed to be slimy. Which makes no sense whatsoever, because snakes aren't slimy at all. They're rather dry. But I suppose most of the students here have no experience with snakes. Maybe there should be a class on that. General education on snakes.'

Sirius laughs. 'You're right about that.'

'Of course I'm right', I huff, a little bit offended. 'Most of the time I'm right. Almost always. Now, tell me why you're sitting next to me and won't go away. For the record, I don't need your company. I don't need anything from you.'

Sirius doesn't answer right away. Instead he studies my face, until he makes me uncomfortable and look away from him. 'Because you looked lonely', he says eventually.

'That's a lie', I react immediately and now it's my turn to study him. 'Try again.'

His face goes from confusion to embarrassment. 'I was...curious.'

'Better', and I nod, accepting the answer. 'Now, go away, Sirius. You don't get to insult me one day and smoke a cigarette with me the next. Remember, contagious slime.'

'How come you're drunk?' Sirius asks, ignoring me.

I blow out some smoke and stub out my cigarette. 'There was this drinking game in Slytherin. Obviously, it involved some alcohol. It seems like I'm not good at holding my liquor.' I have no idea why I tell him. I should seriously stop talking. Seems like I can't, though.

'Drinking game?' Sirius repeats curiously.

'Yes', I confirm, nodding as well. 'You either told a truth or a lie, the other person had to guess what it was. If they got it right, you had to drink. If they got it wrong they had to drink.'

'So I guess you collected a lot of blackmail material.'

I roll my eyes at him. 'It's called politics, not blackmail.'

Sirius is quiet for some time, and eventually I look over at him. He's lost in thought, staring at the stars above us. He feels me looking at him and his gaze finds mine. 'You're awfully close, you know that?' and I see him smile. 'You've a nice smile.' Sirius' eyes drop down to my lips. 'Too bad you're a jerk, I suppose', I add, and his confused look makes me laugh.

'You're evil, you know that?' Sirius says when I'm done laughing, but his voice lacks venom. 'You know, it wasn't a complete lie earlier, when I said that you looked lonely. You often look that way, even in company.'

'What's the question?' I ask without looking at him, contemplating if I even want to go there when I'm in this state. I really talk too much at the moment.

'Are you?' He asks quietly. 'Lonely, I mean.'

I don't know what to tell him, so instead of answering I play with the hem of my jacket.

'Leclair?'

'If you want to sit here and have a conversation with me than you better address me with my first name', I say, not answering his question. 'I should go.'

'Why don't you answer my question?' When I don't react right away he adds an uncertain 'Violette?'

I get up, a little bit unstable but I manage. 'Bye, Sirius', and I'm undecided if the greenhouse is blurred because of the alcohol in my system or tears.

'Violette?' Sirius repeats, and he lays a hand on my shoulder, turning me towards him.

'I have to go', I mumble while looking at the ground. Turns out it wasn't the alcohol that made the greenhouse blurry. However, my hair is covering up most of my face, so I'm pretty sure he can't see the tear that's rolling over my cheek.

'You're crying.'

Or maybe he can. I wipe away the tear and shake off his hand. Without saying anything else I walk away. Sirius doesn't tag along. I don't know if I'm upset about that or not.

* * *

 _Author's note Sorry it's a bit shorter. And that it's a bit later than usual. Next chapter will be longer though! _


	7. Demons hiding under the bed

_Author's note_ _If you're sensitive to certain things, please read the author's note at the bottom of this page first. If you're not, just go ahead with the chapter. The second author's note might spoil something. Hopefully you(ll enjoy the chapter!_

* * *

 **Chapter seven – Demons hiding under the bed**

When I wake up I feel like I'm actually dying. My body hurts, my head hurts and I feel like throwing up. It takes me a while to conclude that I'm hung over and that's why I feel so terrible. I never imagined it to feel this bad though. I grab my watch and realise that I'm almost late for Quidditch practice.

I get up, change and hurry off to the pitch. I get there just in time.

'You look terrible', Sören states when he sees me get on the pitch.

Part of me wants to throw up on his shoes, just for that comment. Luckily for him I don't have anything in my stomach that I can vomit besides bile, and throwing that up hurts too much. 'Shut up', I grumble and I get on my broom.

Flying actually makes me feel worse, something I couldn't imagine to be possible. I close my eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. I can do this.

Sören wants us to warm up first, so we just throw around the Quaffle. Usually this bores me, but today it takes real effort to just stay on my broom.

'Leclair, focus', Sören barks irritated, when I drop the Quaffle for the second time.

'Don't get your knickers in a twist, Larson', I snap at him, but I'm angry at my poor hand-eye coordination. Even Regulus, who's Seeker, hasn't dropped the Quaffle once.

Sören flies over, looking annoyed and concerned at the same time. 'If you don't feel well you should have stayed in bed, Violette.'

I roll my eyes. 'Shut up and let me concentrate, Sören.'

Afterwards we start on various moves. Sören keeps complaining about my flying, making me irritated, which results in even worse flying. I can't wait for practice to be over, I don't know what I want to do first, take a shower, or sleep, or eat something so I can finally throw up. Hopefully the option that I end up choosing will make me feel better.

'Violette!'

I look up to see the Bludger racing towards me and know right away that I'm unable to duck in time. I try though, while ducking I can feel it hitting the top of my head. Hard. And then everything gets dark.

It's the smell. I'd recognise it anywhere. The sickeningly sweet hospital smell. I open my eyes and I can feel panic rising within me. I'm not imagining it. Even though it's dark, the full moon provides enough light for me to recognise the hospital wing.

I get up abruptly, ignoring the dizziness and nausea that sweeps over me. One of my legs gets caught in the sheets and before I know it I'm lying on the ground. The room starts to spin even more, but I get up anyway, almost falling over for a second time.

'Miss Leclair, what are you doing?' A voice that I don't recognise asks me and the light turns on.

A friendly looking woman, probably in her late thirties walks over. She's wearing a white uniform, obviously a nurse.

My first instinct is that I need to get as far from her as possible. Which is quite difficult, since I don't even know where the door is at the moment.

'Get back into your bed, girl', she chastises me, frowning, and signals for me to get back into bed.

'Don't touch me!' I shout when her hand almost touches me. I back away, but my leg is still tangled up with the sheets and I fall again.

The nurse crouches down, but refrains from touching me. 'Miss Leclair – Violette, you have a concussion. I need you to get back into bed. We'll discuss the details tomorrow, but first I need you to you sleep some more.'

'I don't want to', I mumble, realising how childish I sound but I can't help it. She moves closer to me, and I can feel the panic make me tense up. 'Don't you touch me!'

And then everything turns black again.

When I wake up again the sun is already setting and I'm still in the hospital wing. The nurse must have knocked me out with something last night that was strong enough to keep me asleep for most of the day. The horrible smell makes me nauseous, but I can manage the panic this time before it turns into terror. Probably because I am somewhat prepared and I can think straight again. Or maybe because the concussion is better now.

I get out of bed and walk over to the door.

'You can't leave without Madame Pomfrey knowing.'

Sirius. His voice is lacking any warmth, so I know he isn't alone.

'How do you know?' I ask him without turning around.

'I've been attending Hogwarts for the past six years', Sirius replies. 'I've been here a few times now. Trust me, you can't get out of here without her knowing.'

The panic builds again, and I try to push it away. It won't help me get out of this situation. I need to stay calm and focused. I turn around and my eyes find Sirius. He's leaning casually against a separation shield that's supposed to provide more privacy to the patients, a grin plastered on his face.

'Don't be so loud, Padfoot', somebody grumbles behind the shield. I recognise James' voice. 'If you wake up Moony, he's not going to be happy. You know how he can be after you-know-what.'

'Does the nurse notify your parents if you're admitted?' I ask Sirius, lowering my voice.

Sirius shrugs. 'Sometimes.'

My eyes dart through the hospital wing and lock on the door that leads to Madam Pomfrey's office. She must have a file on me in there. I need to see it, so I can be prepared if my Mum comes.

'You can't get in there', Sirius says softly.

I ignore him completely, even though he's right. Madam Pomfrey has probably secured her office, so an alarm gets triggered if anybody tries to enter it – I know would if I were her. I'm not prepared to break into an office when the consequences of getting caught are bigger than facing my mother unprepared.

Sirius walks towards me, and his footsteps make me look up at him. 'Are you okay?' he mouths.

I nod and resist the urge to bite my lip.

'Maybe you should get back into bed so you can rest', Sirius whispers, giving me a concerned look.

Getting back into that hospital bed is the last thing I want to do at the moment, but I don't really have a lot of options right now.

'Come on', and he places a hand on my shoulder to push me towards the bed. 'Madame Pomfrey said that you had a concussion and you should sleep.'

Grudgingly, I get into bed, but when Sirius moves to grab the blanket I draw the line and push him away. 'I'm not handicapped', I snap at him, softly because I don't want James to overhear. I guess that part of me is scared that I'll lose moments like this with Sirius. Which is rather confusing, because I don't know what this is. At all.

Before Sirius can reply, the door swings open and Madam Pomfrey and my mother walk in.

Her face is filled with worry, but the look in her eyes make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. Dread courses through my body and I can taste bile in my mouth.

'Ma petit chérie', Maman says with a sob. 'I came as soon as I could, I'm so sorry I wasn't here for you yesterday, sweetheart. How are you feeling? The nurse said that you had a concussion, I told you that Quidditch was a very bad idea. Why don't you ever listen to me?'

I try not to stare at her, astonished. My earlier moment of panic made me forget, but I fell off my broom yesterday. Where was she? Why didn't she rush over? What was more important than being here with me?

'Madam Pomfrey said that you're going to be fine, but if you don't feel well I want to bring you to Mungo's, just to be sure', she says and sits down on my bed. She checks my forehead and seems satisfied. 'You look like you lost weight, Violette.'

'Maman, I-'

'Have you weighed her?' My mother snaps at Madam Pomfrey, who slowly turns red.

'Maman, please-'

'You have been told about her history', my mother says in a cold tone. 'How is it possible that you haven't checked her weight? Why did she fell of that broom? Did she faint? Is that the reason?' She turns back to me. 'I need you to be honest with me, Violette. Is it starting again?'

'Maman-'

'I can't do this again, Violette.'

Absolute silence. I don't know what to say, my mother is crying silently and Madam Pomfrey is ashamed.

Sirius clears his throat, drawing attention to himself. 'Hi, Madam Pomfrey, Mrs Leclair, I think James and I are going to go. Can you let Remus know that we dropped by?'

A sheepish-looking James appears behind the shield.

'Eh, of course, boys', Madam Pomfrey says, uncomfortable.

My mother is unfazed by Sirius and James' presence. 'So, Madam Pomfrey, are you going to weight my daughter or do I need to do it myself?'

'Of course, of course', and Madam Pomfrey waves the guys out of the infirmary and tells me to step on a scale that is standing in a corner.

Uncomfortable, I follow the nurse's lead. Sirius and James left the hospital wing, but I bet that Remus has woken up by now – it's hard not to with all the drama. I take a deep breath and step on the scale. It's been a while since I last weighed myself, so I don't know what to expect.

The scale says 8 stones and 7 pounds.

8 stones and 7 pounds.

The last time I weighed myself, right before the school year started, it was 9 stones and 1 pound. So I've lost 8 pounds. It's not a lot, but my BMI dropped under the 18,5 threshold – I quickly calculate that my current BMI is 17,6. Too low. Oops.

'Violette', my mother gasps, who was looking over my shoulder. 'This can't be happening again.'

I frown, a bit surprised that I've lost so much over the past few weeks. 'I haven't eaten the past two days though, Maman, so I don't think this is accurate.'

'I can't deal with this right now', and she pushes me towards the bed again. 'Madam Pomfrey, I need you to watch her more closely. This can't happen again.'

'I can have her over twice a week to weigh her and I'll make sure she eats enough', the nurse replies, sounding worried as well.

'That will help', and she sits down on my bed again. 'I want you to write me every day, from now on, Violette. To let me know how you're doing, okay?'

I give her a reassuring smile, and tell her exactly what she wants to hear. She relaxes, but that makes me tense up, because I don't understand what's going on. She's is keeping something from me, I'm sure of it, and it must be big. Big enough to pick that over me.

'How are you feeling, Miss Leclair?' Madam Pomfrey asks me, casting a diagnostic spell.

'I'm good, thanks.'

Madam Pomfrey nods. 'You don't have any symptoms anymore. How is your memory? What can you remember?'

My mother gives me a searching look.

I smile at both of them. 'I can remember everything perfectly fine. I got hit by a Bludger, I didn't fall of my broom, Maman. Can I go now, Madam Pomfrey? I still have some homework to do before tomorrow.'

Before Madam Pomfrey answers, she looks at my mother, who hestitantly nods. 'I want to see you every Wednesday and Sunday, for a check-up. I trust you to keep eating, because if your weight drops any lower you'll be monitored during meal times, understood?'

'Of course, Madam Pomfrey', and I give her a sweet smile, not worried in the least, just not looking forward to come to the hospital wing twice a week.

'Good. Now, if you hurry you'll be on time for dinner', and Madam Pomfrey hands me a pile of my clothes. I thank her for my clothes, change quickly out of the hospital gown and turn to my mother. She is waiting for me, absently playing with the hem of her coat. When she notices me looking at her, she smiles and comes over to give me a hug.

'Please, take care of yourself, sweetheart. And remember, I want you to write me every day. It doesn't need to be a long letter, just something, okay?' She gives me a kiss on my cheek and tells me to go on, that she wants to discuss something with the nurse. 'I'll see you Sunday next week, make sure that your brother comes as well. I've missed him terribly.'

Swiftly I say goodbye to both of them and get outside before either of them change their mind and wants me to stay.

I notice Sirius right away. He's standing at the end of the corridor, his hands in his pockets. I make a turn and walk away, not in the mood to talk to him. He probably figured out what my mother was implying - that I have an eating problem, and otherwise he'll know when he talks to Remus. I listen intently, not knowing if he would follow me or not.

And then I almost run into him.

I stop myself right in time, almost standing nose to nose with him. His eyes are filled with confusion and worry. 'You are standing way too close to me.'

Sirius doesn't move. 'Are you okay?'

Annoyed, I frown and take a step back. 'Why are you following me?'

'So I can ask you if you're okay', he replies calmly, studying me like I'm a sort of puzzle he can't solve. It reminds me of Remus, who looked at me in the exact same way. I don't like it one bit. 'Why won't you answer my question?' he adds when I keep quiet.

I sigh and squeeze the bridge of my nose. 'Will you just leave me alone, Sirius? I really don't want to talk to you right now.'

'Too bad I do', he says boldly, taking a step towards me. 'What was your mother talking about?'

'That's none of your business', and I move away from him again, glaring at him.

'Maybe so,' Sirius replies, looking at me intently, 'but I'm making it my business.'

'No', and I give him a sarcastic smile. 'You are trying but not succeeding. Bye, Sirius.' This time Sirius lets me go.

I decide to skip dinner and go to bed. Since it's dinner time, I don't run into anyone on my way to the dorm. The Common Room is practically abandoned, except for a few students that I don't recognise. Once inside the dorm – luckily it's empty - I change into my pajamas and fall asleep within seconds.

* * *

 _Author's note Okay, so that's that. What do you guys think?  
_

 _Warning There will be mentioning of anorexia. It's not going to go into full detail, and probably won't either in the future, but it will be out there. Just to be sure, I've changed the rating. _


	8. Correct usage of a smile

**Chapter eight – Correct usage of a smile**

On Sunday morning I wake up, later than I usually do, but I feel pretty good. The dorm is empty again since it's almost eleven in the morning. It's been ages since I slept in like this. I decide to take an extensive shower and afterwards get dressed in some comfortable clothes and a warm jumper.

When I enter the Common Room, my friends almost immediately notice me. They're sitting at the fire place, quietly talking amongst themselves. Scarlett jumps up and walks over to me, asking me if I'm okay right away.

I give her a reassuring smile. 'Yes, thanks, it was just a concussion.'

She frowns. 'Are you sure? I came by twice and Pomfrey sent me away. She only sends you away when it's serious. Sören said that you got hit by a Bludger and fell off your broom.'

My smile turns into a grin. 'It's nice to know you worry about me', I say and we join the guys, who also inquire about my health. I tell them I'm fine as well.

'Next time when you're hung-over, you don't get to fly, Leclair', Sören says with a frown, clearly disapproving. 'Our first match is coming up, you better be sober then because I really need you on the pitch.'

I laugh. 'Aw, I'm touched, Larson.'

Sören rolls his eyes. 'It's not funny.'

'Of course not, it's hilarious', I reply and Sören's huff makes me laugh louder. 'We're playing against Gryffindor, right?'

'Yes', Sören grumbles, 'and we better win.'

Now it's my turn to roll my eyes. 'Like I'd throw the match or something – by the way, Nate, you better get your Horse out of there.'

'Hey!' Sören exclaims at the same time as Nathaniel says: 'Thank you.'

Nathaniel is smarter, but Sören is better in strategy. It's no wonder that Nathaniel always loses. I just wonder why he keeps on playing. 'If you move your Queen now you'll win', I tell Nathaniel when Sören moves a pawn, earning myself a dark look from Sören.

Nathaniel smirks and does as I told him.

'This is really unfair', Sören complains while clearing the chessboard. 'After lunch I want a rematch!'

'Do you want me to get you some tissues?' I ask Sören, smirking as well, receiving another ugly look from Sören. He's clearly unhappy.

'Next week is a Hogsmeade weekend, did you know?' Scarlett asks me as we leave the Common Room.

'Yes, Severus said something about that a few days ago.'

Scarlett frowns. 'I don't understand how you can stand him, really.'

I shrug, not interested in discussing Severus again. Scarlett made clear that she doesn't like him one bit a few times now. His choice in friends is terrible – he hangs out with Avery and Mulciber, but I like him. Besides, he has picked me multiple times over his so-called friends, giving me the impression that he doesn't like them very much. 'He's nice to talk to.'

'You should be careful with him', Nathaniel adds, agreeing with his girlfriend.

'Don't worry, I will be', and I smile reassuring.

'Are you going to Hogsmeade with him?' Scarlett asks, clearly disapproving if I did.

I refrain from rolling my eyes. It's annoying how they think that they can choose with who I hang out with. 'Why do you ask?'

Scarlett shrugs. 'No reason. You're welcome to join us, if you want to.'

'Thanks, I'll keep that in mind', I reply while sitting down at the Table of Slytherin. The smell of food hits me, making my stomach grumble. I'm starved – my last meal was Friday evening after all – but just looking at the food makes me a bit nauseous. Because I do need to eat I decide on some soup. It's light enough for my stomach to digest, and nutritious.

Before I can take a spoonful, I can feel somebody stare at me. It takes me a moment to find the person who's staring at me. It's Sirius. He's looking concerned. It makes me irritated. I can't eat when somebody is watching me. I throw a glare in his direction and ignore him, but I can still feel his gaze on me.

Scarlett notices that instead of eating, I'm staring daggers at my soup. 'Are you okay?' She asks quietly, making sure the question stays between the two of us, knowing that it's best that not everybody in Slytherin knows I was in the hospital wing.

I smile thankfully at her. 'Yeah, just a bit nauseous, that's all', and I put down my spoon. It's unlikely that I'll be able to eat, so I grab a slice of bread and say goodbye to my friends – who are a bit displeased that I take off so fast. I just flash a smile in their direction and tell them I forgot about a homework assignment.

On my way to the library I make a quick stop at the dorm to get my books. I smuggle my slice of bread inside the library (you're not allowed to eat in there) and when I find a quiet spot in the back of the library I eat my lunch. Afterwards I start to read a potions text that I found in the restricted area a few days ago. It looks fairly promising.

'Mind if I join you?'

I look up at a redhead smiling shyly.

'I know you like to study by yourself, but that text looked interesting.'

'Sure, Lily', and I clear a bit of the table so she has some room for her books. When she sits down I notice that something's up, because she's a little bit nervous. 'What's wrong?'

Lily bites her lip. 'James said something about you being in the infirmary. I saw you walk out of lunch as well. Are you alright?'

Dread settles in the pit of my stomach. What did James tell her? How much does she know? I show her a wide, reassuring smile. 'Yes, I am, thanks. It was just a concussion and the food made me nauseous.' Her demeanor changes slightly, she relaxes a little bit, letting me know that's all she knows. I decide to quickly change the topic, to make sure that she doesn't get the feeling that something is off. 'Since when are you and James talking?'

The redhead starts to blush, and all I can think is bingo!

'You can't tell anyone', she whispers, clearly embarrassed.

'Only if you tell me everything', and I give her a wink.

Lily turns even redder, her skin almost matching her hair. 'Yes, well, you really can't tell anyone, okay? It's pretty embarrassing.'

I lean back and smirk. 'We'll see about that. Now, spill.'

'I mean it, Violette!' Lily says, her voice turning a bit shrill at the end.

'Yeah, yeah, relax Lily. Give me some details!'

Lily does just that.

Apparently Head Girl and Head Boy have a lot of things to discuss. At the beginning it was mostly duties, like making schedules for the Prefects and preparing meetings, but the meetings between the two of them got longer every time, and slowly the conversations changed in something more personal. Turns out Lily and James have a lot more in common than Lily thought, and it appears that James has more depth than Lily imagined possible. Slowly she has started to grow fond of him.

'You look happy,' I observe, 'but why do I get the feeling that you absolutely don't want this?'

Lily shrugs and looks away. 'It's not that I don't want this...'

'You're afraid he'll break your heart', I say what she can't say.

Lily bites her lip and looks conflicted. 'I know him, Violette. James has a good heart, I'm sure of that, but he often forgets to use his head and does stupid things. He has done a lot of dense things in the past.'

'Maybe so, but if you don't give him a chance you'll never know what could happen.'

The redhead keeps quiet.

'Just go with the flow and stop worrying', I tell her, and when her eyes lock on mine I give her a reassuring smile. 'People don't die of broken hearts, or so I've been told. Now, if you are going to be the first one that does, I'll make sure your funeral will be one to remember, okay?'

'Thanks', Lily laughs. 'You'll probably turn it into an event or something.'

'You got that right', and I wink, happy to see her laughing again.

'What about you?' Lily asks, turning serious again.

'What about me?'

'Your love life', Lily clarifies. 'You don't seem interested in anyone here. Did you leave somebody behind?'

The question is unexpected and leaves me stunned.

Lily notices right away. 'I'm sorry, I was just curious. You don't talk much about it, so I thought I'd ask. It was a stupid idea, forget it. Sorry.'

'It's okay, Lily', I reassure her and check my nails so I have something to focus on. I conclude that I should spend more energy on them, because they look terrible. Maybe I can ask Scarlett for some nail polish. 'I dated somebody, yes - but I broke it off before I moved, so technically I didn't leave him behind. Sort of.'

For a short moment, Lily keeps quiet, as if she's giving me space to add anything if I want to. When it becomes clear that I don't, she carefully places a hand on my arm. 'I'm sorry, it still must be difficult.'

I'm at a loss for words. It's been a while since I last thought about the people who I left behind in Europe, both my friends at Beauxbatons and the ones I made while growing up. I've tried to just forget it all, but Lily is right. It still hurts.

'Hey, are you okay?' Lily asks me softly, noticing my mood swing.

I push it all away and smile weakly – a perfect smile for this occasion and I'm sure it will help to get Lily to believe the lie I'm about to tell her. 'He cheated on me. Turned out it wasn't the first time. We dated for four years, but apparently that didn't mean anything.'

Poor Gauthier, he really doesn't deserve being dragged through the dirt like this. However, I don't have another option, I can't tell Lily the truth. I need her to stay as far as possible from the truth.

Lily is, as I expected it, absolutely buying it. She's calling my so called cheating ex-boyfriend all kind of names that she wouldn't if she knew him.

I feel terrible for lying to her and slandering Gauthier's reputation like this. Lily misunderstands my lack for words and really goes for it – the girl is fierce after all. She tries to make me feel better, but I can't shake off the guilt.

'I should go, Lily', I manage to say when she pauses for some air. 'It's almost dinner time and I want to change first.'

Lily gives me such a sweet smile that I feel even worse. I grab my stuff and say goodbye to the redhead, telling myself that I'm not running away.

While walking back to the Common Room I reflect on my day. It went from bad to worse. I can't get Gauthier out of my mind, and my eyes fill with tears by the mere thought of him. He sent me letters weekly, for months at a time. It's been a while since he last sent one. I pushed him away and he finally gave up, I suppose. He didn't deserve any of it.

I take a deep breath to calm myself down and enter the Common Room.

'If that isn't our very own Mudblood', Greengrass sneers when she sees me enter.

Greengrass is sitting on one of the sofas, together with her friends, who laugh as if she just said something extremely funny. It makes Greengrass sit straighter and looki even more smug.

It makes me want to hit her. 'I never knew it was possible to lack so much originality', I retort calmly, not really interested in having a fight with her. 'Do you even understand the concept?'

'You should be careful with your words', the blonde says coldly. 'You really don't want to upset me.'

I roll my eyes. 'Yeah, I'm really scared now. Look, even my pants can't stop shaking in fear.' I don't wait for her to reply and go up to my dorm. I dump my books next to my bed, not in the mood to organise everything, and get into bed with a good fiction book. I'm really done with this day.

* * *

 _Author's note I'm so sorry that I made you all wait like this! Hopefully it was worth the wait and I'll try in the future to update sooner, however I can't promise anything. Got a lot of personal things to deal with (like everyone I suppose) and that has priority. However, I can promise that I really want to finish this story. Anyways, let me know what you think of the chapter, please!_


	9. So this is Hogsmeade

**Chapter nine – So this is Hogsmeade**

Apparently Hogsmeade weekend trips are a really big deal. After listening to everyone talk about it for an entire week, I'm ready to skip it altogether. Not that Scarlett would let me do that, of course. She made me promise that I would have at least one butterbeer with her, after I told her that I never had one before. It appears that butterbeer is a really big deal as well. I wish I hadn''t told her about the butterbeer.

Even though it's Saturday, I wake up early and go for a run. Since I'm trying to gain a little bit of weight so the check-ups with the nurse can come to an end, I take it easy. Not going isn't an option though, I need it to clear my head.

Afterwards I take a shower, get dressed in something simple and go to the Common Room to finish the book I'm currently reading ("I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith").

'You can't go to Hogsmeade wearing that.'

I look up to see Scarlett frown upon my outfit. She's wearing a long, dark green dress and she has a little bit of make-up on her face. I've never seen her wear any make-up, it looks good on her. Makes her look more mature. 'Good morning to you as well, Scarlett.'

'You need to change', Scarlett says, her voice filled with dislike.

'Why?' I ask, not understanding what the problem is. It's just a soft blue jeans, a simple t-shirt and a beige blazer. Okay, maybe the jeans is a little bit more skinny cut than Scarlett is comfortable with, but hey, she doesn't need to wear it.

Scarlett rolls her eyes and pulls me out of the armchair. 'You can't look any more muggle than you do right now. We're going to an all-wizard town. Please try to look like a witch for a few hours.'

I roll my eyes and sit back down. 'Scarlett, I'm not going to change. It's not as if I have an appointment with the Minister of Magic.' And even if I had, it wouldn't make me care more. It's not about what I wear but who I am, right?

Her facial expression tells me that she's unhappy with me, but she lets it go. 'You're awful. Come on, I see Nate and Sören, let's go up for breakfast. I'm starving.'

'You're always starving', Nathaniel says after he has given his girlfriend a kiss. They're not a very affectionate couple in public, but they always give each other a hello-kiss. I find it pretty cute. Nathaniel gives her a quick look and nods once – showing his approval.

'True, that', Sören seconds Nathaniel, smirking. 'Morning, girls.'

Scarlett rolls her eyes and pulls me out of the Common Room. During our walk to the Great Hall, Scarlett informs us about all the things she wants to do today in Hogsmeade.

I stop listening after her second sentence, not interested in hearing Scarlett's careful planning. I'm not as excited as she is to visit a little village. Scarlett doesn't notice that I stopped paying attention and finishes by the time we sit down at the Table of Slytherin. Or she has stopped talking, at least.

'You should actually try to have breakfast for a change, you know', Scarlett says when I make myself a coffee. 'And no, don't give me that look, coffee is definitely not breakfast.'

'What look?' I ask, a bit confused, while stirring my coffee.

'The look you get when you think somebody is talking nonsense', Sören explains with a wide grin on his face, clearly amused.

I raise an eyebrow. 'I've got a look for that? I bet it looks awesome on me.'

Sören and Nathaniel laugh, while Scarlett rolls her eyes, sporting a small smile as well. I give her a wink and look away.

Matthieu walks into the Great Hall, accompanied by his friends. He's in a good mood, laughing about something. He's allowed to go to Hogsmeade as well, so I bet he's pretty excited about that.

'I'm going to my brother for a second', I'll tell my friends and get up. 'I'll be right back.' I grab my coffee and walk over to the Table of Gryffindor, ignoring the ugly looks most of the people are throwing me. I pretend I don't notice that I'm unwelcome and sit down next to Matthieu. 'Morning.'

Instantly Matthieu's smile disappears and a frown appears on his face. 'Yeah?'

And with just that one word he makes me irritated. I force myself to smile, him knowing I'm angry won't help me. 'Haven't talked to you in a while, Matts. How are you?'

His frown deepens. 'Drop the act, Violette. What do you want?'

I take a sip of my coffee and try not to notice how everybody is listening in. 'Just wanted to check-up on you, that's all. Did you get a letter from Maman?'

Matthieu's frown turns into a sneer. 'So that's why you're here. Yes, I got a letter. And no, I'm not going. Go away Violette.'

'Why not?' I ask him quietly.

'You're the only person she wants to see. She has never shown any interest in me', he smiles mirthlessly, talking loud enough to hear. 'Go away, Violette. You don't want to be here, and I don't want you to be here.'

'I hope you'll reconsider and be there, Matts.' I get up, while trying to look as cool and collected as I can be.

Anger colours Matthieu's cheeks red. 'Stop treating me like a child.'

'I'm not doing anything' I give him a small smile. 'Have a nice time at Hogsmeade today. See you', and I walk away without giving him a chance to reply. It won't be nice anyway.

I quickly glance in the Marauders' direction. They are silently watching, and that bothers me a lot more than I care to admit. All four must know now that I'm not a Muggleborn, plus that scene in the Hospital Wing. I can live with them knowing about the first, but I'm not comfortable with them thinking that I have an eating problem.

'What was that all about?' Sören asks me when I sit down again with my friends.

Before I answer him, I take a sip of my coffee, unsure what to tell them. I don't want them to dislike Matthieu, he is just angry. 'I just went over to say hi to my brother', I answer him with a shrug.

Nathaniel raises an eyebrow. 'He didn't seem happy to see you.'

'He's just embarrassed when his older sister sits down next to him', I lie carefully. 'Don't any of you have any siblings?'

My friends don't notice that I steered the conversation away from Matthieu, or they don't let on that they notice. I don't care either way, as long as we don't talk about my brother.

When everybody is ready, we go back to the dorm, grab our coats and go to Hogsmeade using the carriages. This time I pretend I can't see the Thestrals. My friends don't mention them either, so or they find them normal or don't see them.

'Behold, this is Hogsmeade', Scarlett says pretty dramatically when we get out of the carriage.

It feels wrong to lie to her about never being here before, but I don't want to explain why I get to visit my mother. So I pretend this is the first time I see it. 'Looks like just a bunch of houses to me, Scarlett. If you want me to applaud for wizards who were able to build their own houses - probably with the help of magic - I think we need to discuss what you find applause-worthy.'

Scarlett rolls her eyes and pulls me towards the village. 'Don't be so sarcastic. First stop: Honeydukes!'

Oh, joy.

I can almost taste the sugar when we enter the shop. It's a small shop, with shelves that almost reach the ceiling. There are sweets everywhere you look. The door opens and closes the entire time, and the tinkling of the bell above it gets on my nerves straight away.

'You need to try these Chocoballs', Scarlett says, while pointing at some large chocolate sweets. She grabs a box and puts some of those Chocoballs in it. 'They're filled with strawberry mousse and clotted cream. They're my absolute favourite. They're heaven, really.'

All I can think of is how many calories are united in this room. I'd like to calculate it, but then my friends would probably give me a few weird looks. Scarlett and Sören are filling a box each, while Nathaniel just looks bored. I guess he'll eat from Scarlett's box.

I force myself to grab a box and fill it with everything that looks disgusting or that I'm sure of I won't like, so it will be easier to throw away later on. It's a waste of money, but it will make me look normal. I can't afford them to think I have an eating problem as well.

We pay for our sweets and leave – thank Merlin I'm out of there.

'Did you buy some chocolate as well?' Scarlett asks, while trying to pick a sweet to eat.

'Yes, I think so', I lie. I'm certain I haven't bought any chocolate, because that's something I actually like. 'Can we go to a bookstore?'

'Eh, I first wanted to go to The Three Broomsticks', Scarlett says, looking a bit disappointed – probably because I can't remember our "day plan", 'You have to try butterbeer. Afterwards we need to go to the shack and to Zonko's. You remember Zonko's, right, the famous joke shop?.'

'We can go to Tomes and Scrolls after The Three Broomsticks, right', Nathaniel says, carefully adjusting his girlfriend's agenda. 'I wanted to have a look at the Charms section as well, so.'

Scarlett doesn't hide her discontent, but doesn't say anything.

'Great, so that's settled', Sören says, sensing Scarlett is just one step away from getting upset. 'It's so sweet, you'll love it. Everybody does. Mostly girls.'

'We'll see about that', I reply, while I try to look as excited as Scarlett wants me to be. Nathaniel smirks, so I know I'm not succeeding. 'They do have other things, right? It's just a regular pub?' The words leave a foul taste in my mouth. I feel like a fraud.

'Sure they do', and Sören opens the door to The Three Broomsticks.

I thought the place was crowded the first time I visited it, but I was clearly wrong. Really wrong. The place is packed. 'Is the whole school here?' I can't help but ask, astonished.

Sören shrugs. 'Everybody wants to swing by for a butterbeer. And it's no use to wait, it's going to be this full the entire day.'

'I think I see an empty table in the corner!' Scarlett says and before any of us can react she takes off.

'She has always been good at that', Nathaniel notes and follows his girlfriend.

'I'm going to go to the bathroom first, I'll see you guys in a bit', I tell Sören, and go in the opposite direction of them, hoping he hasn't seen the discomfort on my face.

It's way too crowded and I hate that everybody bumps into me. It sets me on edge and makes me want to flee. Since I can't, the bathroom is the next best thing. I splash some water in my face and try to calm down. I throw away the sweets I just bought, check my make-up and go back into the pub.

After no more than five steps into the pub, I think at least seven different people have bumped into me. It reminds me of doctors poking at me, at various places, without telling me first where they would touch me. I try to take a deep breath, but then I realise I have no idea where my friends are. Unable to remember where exactly Scarlett fixed us a table, I try to spot them. Since I'm not that tall, it's not an easy task. What if I don't find them?

'Hey, deep breaths.'

I swirl around, trying to see who just said that. A wave of dizziness hits me, because I turned too fast. Unbalanced, I try to find my footing before I fall over, and then I can feel somebody steady me. I look up to Sirius' concerned face.

'Are you okay?' He asks, quietly, as if he doesn't want anyone to overhear us.

'Yes, thanks, just fine', and I pull away. Sirius is the last person I want to see right now. I push my nails in the palm of my hand, hoping it will distract me enough to calm down.

'Then why are you breathing so fast?'

'I'm breathing just fine.'

Sirius raises an eyebrow.

'Don't look at me like that', and my voice is a bit shrill. I take a deep breath, but I can't. I'm on the verge of a panic attack, I can feel it. If I don't calm down fast it's going to get worse and then I'll faint.

Sirius grabs my wrist and pulls me outside.

The fresh air helps a bit, but I still don't feel as calm as I should be. I look down and use my hair to hide my face. I don't want anyone to see me right now. My face is probably red and I can feel the tears burn in my eyes.

'Here, sit down', Sirius interrupts my thoughts. Because I don't react right away, he gives me a small push.

I focus on my breathing, trying to even it out. Sirius is saying something, I don't listen to him but I do notice the reassuring tone he's using.

It takes me a while, but eventually, I calm down. I try to relax my hand, but it's so cramped that it won't open right away. I bet it will take a while for the prints of my nails to fade.

Sirius is sitting silently next to me, just being here.

'Any chance I can offer you something so you'll forget about this?' I ask him without looking at him. Because Sirius doesn't answer me, I look at him to find him studying me. 'So?'

'Why?' He asks eventually.

I roll my eyes. 'Just tell me what you want for it, Sirius.'

'Why do you want me to forget?' Sirius repeats his question without answering mine.

'Because it's embarrassing and I don't want you to tell everybody', I snap, barely able to swallow the are you that stupid? I doubt that will get me what I want. However, it would be very satisfying to say.

Sirius' searching expression doesn't change, almost like he expected me to snap at him.

'I should go', and I get up. 'My friends are waiting for me.'

'Will you be able to go inside again?' Sirius asks concerned and he stands up as well. He sees the unsure look on my face and smiles a small smile. 'I don't think so.'

I don't really have a choice. Scarlett is going to be so angry when she sees me. The butterbeer that she ordered for me is probably cold now, or Sören has finished it. Either way, Scarlett won't be pleased.

'We could hang out for a while, if you want to.'

'Yeah, let's not do that', and I roll my eyes. 'I believe I already explained this part. The slime leaves strains. Remember?'

'Are you uncomfortable with me knowing about your eating disorder?'

I freeze and just stare at him for a moment, not able to say anything. Even if I would, what can I say? This is exactly why I didn't want to talk to Sirius in the first place. I knew he would do something stupid. Not this stupid, but stupid nonetheless.

Since there isn't another option here, I turn around and leave Sirius behind.

'Violette!'

I ignore Sirius and focus on getting back to The Three Broomsticks. Because I wasn't paying attention when Sirius got me out of the pub, I'm not exactly sure how to get back. It seems like I'm in the residential area.

'Wrong turn, you should have gone left', Sirius says, showing up next to me.

'Sirius, thank you for helping me in that pub', I say with gritted teeth, while staring ahead so I don't need to see him. 'Now, do me a favour - and yourself for that matter - and just stay out of my life.'

'But-'

'No buts. Leave me alone.'

Out of the corner of my eye I can see Sirius come to a halt, confusion and hurt written all over his face. He reminds me of a kicked puppy. I bite my lip and keep on walking. Unable to face my friends, I set course back to the castle.


	10. Can you fill the silence?

**Chapter ten – Can you fill the silence**

After Scarlett's anger over me bailing out on them in Hogsmeade, I'm not in the mood to run into them again. I think she has forgiven me, but she's still not happy with me. So after my morning shower I leave the dorm for the library. Since it's a Sunday, I only need to share the library with a few Ravenclaws. I think they're warming up to me, I don't get so many ugly looks anymore.

I start on my Potions assignment. Afterwards I read a few chapter in my Defense book, while taking some notes as well. I'm ahead in the class, but it can't hurt. When I've read about three chapters, it's time for breakfast. I put everything back in my bag and go down to the Great Hall.

Not many students come down for breakfast that early on Sunday, so the Great Hall is pretty deserted. As expected, my friends aren't here. I pick an empty spot and make myself a coffee.

Maman wanted to meet at eleven, so we could have lunch together. I doubt Matthieu will come. I can't blame him, even though he should come. I don't think I can make him come. However, I should try though.

After I finish my coffee, I make myself a second one to go. I get up, ready to leave the Great Hall, when somebody calls out my name. I look up to see Severus approach. 'Good morning, Severus.'

'Hi, Violette', and he smiles a little. He looks uncomfortable. He stands up straight, his face is indifferent, but I can see it in his dark eyes. 'I wanted to ask you something.'

I give him a reassuring smile. 'Sure, go ahead.'

Severus bites his lip for a fraction of a second and looks like he want to turn around without asking his question.

Hoping to put him at ease, I sit back down and signal him to do as well. Severus does as I've asked, but he still looks unsure. I've never seen him look so unsecure. 'I don't bite.'

'I know', he replies, but he doesn't look like he actually believes it.

I take a sip of my coffee and decide to wait. I've given him enough encouragement. If he doesn't want to ask me whatever he wants to ask me, then that's fine by me. He should quit wasting my time though.

'I could use some help with Defense', Severus says eventually while inspecting the table.

Part of me isn't convinced that this is what he wanted to ask me, but I don't push him. 'Of course.' I check my watch, it's twenty past nine. I still need to drop off my books, get ready and change and try to persuade Matthieu into coming. 'I don't really have time today though. What about tomorrow evening?'

'Yes, sure, thanks', he confirms, looking relieved.

If I wasn't sure he wanted to talk about something else, I'm sure of it now. 'Great. I'll see you in the library after dinner then', and I get up.

Severus nods once and gets up as well. I say goodbye to him and watch him sit down a little further, by himself. I have no clue as to what just happened, but I do know that I don't have time to waste on this.

I go to the dorm, to find the girls still asleep. Quickly I grab some clothes and go to the bathroom to get ready. First, I inspect myself. I have gained a little bit, or that's what the scale told me during my last appointment with the nurse. My stomach looks bloated. I should be careful of what I eat, I don't want to gain fat.

After trying on some outfits, I decide on a dark blue knee-length dress. I put on a brown leather jacket and high boots of the same colour. A little bit of make-up and I'm ready.

It's just a little past ten o'clock, that means that I have about fifty minutes left before I'm expected at Professor McGonagall's office. Plenty of time to try and persuade Matthieu.

During the game that I played with my fellow House mates, I leaned the location of the Gryffindor Common Room. The entrance is supposed to be behind a portrait of a rather large lady on the sixth floor. It takes me some time, but I find it. The portrait is empty, but it's the right size and place. I decide on just knocking on the empty portrait. Eventually a small girl with blonde pigtails opens the door.

'Can I help you?' She asks in a small voice, squinting her eyes a bit. Since I'm not wearing robes but regular clothes, she doesn't know what House I'm in. And so she doesn't know if I'm a supposed enemy or not.

For a moment I weigh my options. I can take advantage of her and ask to let me in. It's probably going to get her in trouble though. Besides, once I'm inside I still have no idea where to find Matthieu. She'll notice, or somebody else inside is going to recognise me.

I give her a kind smile. 'My name is Violette Leclair, I'm Matthieu's older sister. Could you get him for me please? I need to talk to him.'

The girl, her eyes wide, nods. 'Of course, I'll be right back.'

The portrait closes behind her and I'm alone again. I cross my arms and start to tap my foot. After what feels like an entirety, but in reality is probably five minutes, the portrait opens again. It's the girl again, she's blushing a bit and doesn't look me in the eye. I know straight away that Matthieu won't come outside and that he told her that I'm a Slytherin.

'Matt gave me a message for you', the girl says while looking at her feet.

I doubt it will be a pretty message. I give the small Gryffindor a smile to put her at ease. 'It's okay. I understand enough. Thanks for asking.'

Maman is going to be frantic. And I have no idea what excuse to tell her.

'Actually', I say to the girl when she's about to turn around, 'I really need to talk to him. Could you let me in, for just a minute?'

The girl's eyes widen and shakes her head.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, getting irritated. 'Okay, could you get me Lily Evans for a second then?' The Head Girl should be able to allow people in for a moment, and Lily likes me.

This time it's not the little girl that appears again, but the redhead that I was asking for. Lily looks like she hasn't been up for long, her long hair in a messy ponytail. 'What's up, Violette?'

Because it's good to look insecure, it will make Lily want to help me more, I bite on my lip. 'I need to talk to my brother, but he doesn't want to come outside. You know what they can be like, younger brothers. Could I come in, for just a second?'

Lily looks unsure. 'That's not standard policy.'

'I understand completely', I say quickly and do my best to look as crestfallen as possible. 'I shouldn't have asked, I'm sorry Lily. I just don't know what to do, I really need to talk to him and he keeps pushing me away.'

'You can come in, if you're quick', Lily says, looking sorry for me.

I knew I was right about Lily, she's way too sweet. I don't give in right away though, because I want her to feel like it's entirely her decision. 'You don't need to do that for me, Lily. I don't want you to break any rules for me.' What an act, Lily would hate me if she knew that I played her.

'Nonsense', and she pulls me inside. 'It's not in the actual rules, so we're not breaking anything. He's sitting there', and Lily points out Matthieu.

'Thank you so, so much, Lily', and I give her a wide smile. 'If there is anything I can do for you, don't hesitate to ask.'

Lily winks. 'I will. Now, go talk to your brother and enjoy your day. I'll see you in Potions tomorrow.'

I give her another grateful smile and walk over to my brother. The Common Room is pretty deserted, and way too red. It looks comfortable though, warm. I see James and Remus sitting on the other end of the Common Room, as Lily joins them. I wave at Remus and sit down next to Matthieu. 'Hi, you.'

Mathieu first looks shocked, then confused and slowly turns angry. 'You're not allowed in here.'

'Lily let me in', I explain quickly. 'Look, Matts, I know you're angry with me, but Maman really wants to see you.'

'The only person she wants to see is you, Violette. I already told you that', and Matthieu's frown deepens. 'You can't persuade me into going. Nor bribe me, in case you were thinking about that.'

'Matts, I think that Maman is going through something and she needs our support', I say slowly, not sure how much I can tell him. However, I've caught his attention. He leans back into his chair and he has lost some of his anger. 'She's very distracted lately, haven't you noticed?'

'What do you mean?' He asks, sounding so young.

I wish I didn't had to do this, that I could leave him out all of this. After all, he's only thirteen years old. But I can't, he needs to come. I need him to put her at ease, to feel loved. 'We hardly saw her the last part of your summer break. She even failed to drop us off at the station. And now, she told us that we would see her twice every month but it's November and this is the second time she wants to see us.'

For a moment, Matthieu is silent. His face is blank, not because he's hiding his emotions, but because he's thinking. Matthieu isn't that expressive with his face. However, him tapping his fingers on the table tells me that he's unsure. He's tilting his head a bit to the right side, what means that he's considering that I'm telling the truth. Then he looks me in the eye and I can see the hardness in them. I know right away that I shouldn't have come. This might backfire, badly.

'There is something wrong with you, you know that', Matthieu says, his voice ice cold. 'Well, besides being anorexic', and he spats out the last word like it's evil itself.

'Matts, this isn't about me', I try one last time. I notice how desperate my voice sounds, but I ignore it. It might help Matthieu calm down. 'This is about Maman.'

'No, Violette', and Matthieu stands up. With every word he says, his voice turns louder. 'This is all about you. When you're not getting enough attention, you just start to make up stories. You're absolutely insane.'

Part of me wants to punch him, the other part wants to cry because he has that little faith in me. I push away all of my feelings and get up. 'Of course, Matts. What do you want me to tell her, since you're not coming?'

Matthieu rolls his eyes. 'Tell her whatever you want, you freak. Now, get out of my Common Room and don't ever come back here.'

Out of the corner of my eye I can see that Lily stands up as well, ready to come over an interfere. Without saying anything, I get out. I don't need Lily to solve this – she can't mend this. On my way to Professor McGonagall's office, I try my best to not cry. I've never felt lonelier.

'Come in', Professor McGonagall says after I've knocked on her door.

I open the door, pretty sure I've concealed most of my feelings. A quick look at the Professor tells me I've succeeded. 'Hello, Professor McGonagall', I greet her and walk over to her fireplace. 'My brother isn't coming.'

Professor McGonagall gives me a searching look over her glasses, but doesn't say anything.

'Thank you for letting me use your fireplace', and I give her a sweet smile.

'No problem, Leclair', and she looks back down at the papers in front of her.

I realise that she's probably correcting our assignments. I wish her a nice day and use her fireplace to go to The Three Broomsticks. The pub is empty compared to yesterday. I try my best to not think about my panic attack and sit down at a table by myself. This time I don't bother looking around for my mother. I order a coffee and take my book ("Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen") and start to read. It can take a while for Maman to arrive.

Half an hour later, and five chapters, she's still not there. I order a second and then a third coffee. Another half hour passes and I'm getting worried. She's usually late, but never this late.

I read some more and order another coffee. Time passes. By the time I'm about to order my fifth coffee, and I've been waiting for nearly two hours, my mother rushes in. She has an agitated look on her face. When her eyes find mine, she smiles, relieved to see me.

'Bonjour, mon chérie', she says as she kisses my cheek. She sits down and takes off her coat.

'Hello, Maman', I greet her and close my book. 'Matthieu is working on a big group project', I tell her straight away, before she can ask me about him. I try to look as genuine as possible. 'He told you that, right?'

Maman frowns and then smiles a small smile. 'Yes, I think so. How are you? You're looking good.'

'I am good', I reply, studying her. Why did she agree to knowing about Matts project that doesn't exist?

Madam Rosmerta comes over to bring my coffee, that I happily accept. My mother orders a tea. 'How come you're late?' I ask her when Madam Rosmerta left us.

She looks at her watch, and then back to me. 'Late? Didn't we agree on meeting at one o'clock?'

She's lying, I can tell right away. Not because I know I'm right, but the way she says it. What I don't understand is why she's lying. What was she doing that made her late? I decide to let it slide, like she let Matthieu's absence slide. 'Oh, I must be wrong then.'

'Yes', and she nods, happy that I bought her lie. Well, at least she thinks I bought it. 'How are your appointments with Madam Pomfrey?'

I smile a small smile. Forced, but I doubt she'll notice. 'They're good. Hasn't she been sending you rapports?'

'Yes, yes', she says as she thanks Madam Rosmerta for bringing over her tea. 'I can't stay long though, Violette. I'm sorry.' She takes a sip of her tea. 'Something has come up at work.'

'I understand', and I give her a reassuring nod and take a sip of my coffee as well.

She gives me a wide smile. 'I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back.'

I watch her get up and go over to the bathroom. I take a sip of my coffee and want to grab my book, but then my gaze falls on my mother's purse. She has a big one with her, not the small one she usually carries around. Why does she need a big bag? Unable to contain my curiousness, I grab it for a quick look.

Her wallet, perfume, keys – I see an envelope and take it quickly. It's a letter from the French court. She has been summoned to court by a certain Laurent Bellamy. It doesn't say why though. I scan the letter quickly, and then put everything back how I found it. Not a moment too early, because my mother comes back just after I've placed her bag back on her side.

I don't pay attention the rest of the conversation. My mother doesn't seem to notice, because she's trying to finish her tea as fast as possible so she can get out of here.

We say goodbye and since it's raining I use the fireplace to get back to Hogwarts. Professor McGonagall is in the exact same spot as that I left her. I thank her again and on my way back to the Common Room I make a short stop outside for a cigarette, while pondering on the letter I read. Who is Laurent Bellamy? And why does his name sound so familiar?


	11. Mystery man, where are you?

**Chapter eleven – Mystery man, where are you?**

Laurent Bellamy is a mystery. Since he summoned my mother to court, Muggle court, he must be Muggle. Or has some Muggle relations. But here in Hogwarts it's impossible to look him up, since I'm starting to believe he doesn't have any ties with the Wizarding world. And it's not as if there is a book in the library called Muggles that you should know – trust me, I've checked. Twice.

He's never been a student of Hogwarts, nor been active in the Wizarding politics in Britain. He hasn't been active in the global Wizarding politics, well, nothing major anyway. Unimportant politicians outside of Britain aren't in any of the books of the library. All of the books I checked, and trust me – I've checked a lot, none of them mention a Laurent Bellamy. It's driving me crazy.

My friends have noticed that I have been in a foul mood for two weeks now. Well, it's hard not to notice, I suppose. They don't know why though, it's not as if I can explain the situation to them – guys, I found out that my mother is hiding that she is being sued by a certain Laurent Bellamy, do you happen to know who he is? After a few times of trying to confront me, they have become distant.

'Miss Leclair, could you stay behind for a second?' Professor McGonagall asks me after class. She looks concerned.

I give her a sweet smile. 'Of course, Professor', and I walk to the front of the classroom.

Professor McGonagall gives me a pointed look over her glasses, as if she's not buying my smile. 'Your two last essays were terrible.'

Oops. I did not expect her to be that bold. Ah well, she is the Head of House for the brave. 'I'm sorry, the material was difficult', I lie without thinking. It's not a great lie either, because we've harder stuff this year to deal with.

'I see', Professor McGonagall says slowly, clearly not believing me. 'I've also been notified by Poppy that you missed your last appointment with her.'

Bloody hell, I totally forgot about the nurse. Merde. 'I completely forgot about that.'

Professor McGonagall raises an eyebrow. 'Why don't you go tonight.' It's absolutely not a suggestion. 'Also, I'd like you to go over the last two chapters and hand me in a new essay on it.'

I resist the urge to bite my lip and force myself to smile. 'Thank you, Professor. You'll have it by next class', I thank her and go to my next and last class for today: potions.

My friends have saved me a seat, but I sit down by myself, not in the mood to talk. Or pretend to be anything else than I am. I'm angry at myself for slipping up, that mystery man could consume me so much. I can't have my grades to slip like that.

Out of the corner of my eye I can see a certain redhead sit down next to me. She has been doing that for a few times now, over the past weeks. Lily has asked me the same questions as my friends have, and received the exact same answers, but somehow it doesn't affect her the same way. She shakes it off and tries again and again. A part of me admires her for it, the other part is just irritated by it.

I ignore her completely and try to listen to Slughorn, who's explaining something. I'm not understanding much of what he's saying – mostly because my thoughts keep wandering off. I should try harder to concentrate though, I don't want to fail his class as well.

When most of the students have felt the classroom, I realise that class is over. I get up and grab my things, suddenly desperate to get out. A copy of Lily's notes are on my potions book (I didn't even open it). I look up at the redhead, who's packing her things. 'You don't have to do this, Lily', I say and hold out her notes.

Lily shakes her head. 'No, keep them. Hopefully you'll find them useful. If you don't understand something, let me know.'

Not sure what to say to that, I just stare at Lily for a moment. That girl is far too kind.

'However, you need to do something for me.'

Maybe she's not that kind.

'Saturday evening is a party, I'd like you to come.'

I raise an eyebrow, a tad sceptical. 'Here, at Hogwarts?'

'Yes, here at Hogwarts', Lily says and nods once. 'Dress up nicely and wait for me at the bathroom on the seventh floor, nine o'clock. Don't be late.'

'Sure', I agree, a bit unsure of what I just agreed to.

Lily sees me doubting my decision and gives me a wide smile, her eyes glittering. 'Lovely, I'll see then', and she goes to the Table of Gryffindor, not giving me the chance to change my mind.

'That's just great', I mutter to myself and go over to my own table.

My friends have, again, saved me a seat. Scarlett sees me and waves. I pretend that I don't see her and sit down on my own. I make myself fill my plate, but it's hard to actually force it down my throat. I really need to get my act together, or I'll lose my friends over this.

'Can I sit with you?'

I look up to see a hesitant looking Severus standing next to me. I force myself to smile, and I'm sure that Severus notices that it's not genuine. It's the best I can manage at the moment though. He sits down anyway and starts to eat without saying anything. I force myself to eat as well.

When I'm done with eating – I've eaten more than I expected to – I cast a glance in Severus' direction. When he first sat down next to me, I thought he was doing it for me. Providing me with company so I wouldn't look weak in the eyes of the rest of Slytherin. But looking at him, I suspect that I was wrong about that. He looks absent and a little irritated. If he only looks a little bit irritated, I bet he's pissed off but carefully hiding it. He sat down next to me for himself. Why? Did he had a falling out with his friends? Wasn't he acting weird a little while ago? I wonder what's up, but I don't want to ask him. I doubt I'll get a straight answer.

'Are you going home during Christmas break?' I ask Severus, deciding for a safe topic.

Severus looks up, for a moment he looks like he forgot where he was, then his gaze turns cold. Ice-cold. His eyes lock on mine, he sees confusion in mine and then his soften a bit. 'No, I'll stay here. Are you going home?'

Apparently I was wrong and it wasn't a safe topic at all. It makes me wonder if he's unhappy at home. Not that I'd ask him that, so instead I just nod. 'Yes, I am. Only three weeks left of school until I'm going home.' Not that I'm looking forward to it. And I doubt that Matthieu is coming with me. It's probably best for him, but I'll miss his face.

'Seems like you're looking forward to it', Severus notices.

'That's true', and I smile widely, happy that he thinks so. But then I realise that a part of me is happy. I might be able to figure out who Bellamy is. The only thing that I need to do is get into court.

Actually, that's an excellent idea. If I'm able to get into court, I can look for her file and see what it's about. If I figure that out, I'll know who Mystery Man is and what he wants. Next question, how will I be able to get into the French court? It's impossible while I'm at Hogwarts, but when I'll be home my mother will want to know where I am at all times. It's going to be extremely difficult to go to France on my own. I'll need a really, really good excuse for doing that.

'Violette?'

My eyes focus on Severus, who's looking at me intently. I get the idea that he's been trying to get my attention for a while now. I flash him a smile. 'Sorry, lost in thought. Hogwarts is fun, but challenging. It will be nice to go home.'

'Replicating life outside these walls, that's what Hogwarts is trying to do', and his gaze turns dark again.

My curiosity is almost getting the better of me, but I somehow manage to keep my mouth shut. I doubt that Severus will tell me what he means by that, and if I ask him he'll know I'm interested and he will become more guarded. I grab my coffee and take a sip, trying to relax. 'I should go, I have some things left to do. Have you already finished your Potions assignment?'

Severus nods. 'Yes, a few days ago. What about you?'

'No, not yet. I'm planning on doing it today or tomorrow', and I make myself a second coffee to go. 'How is your Defense going?' I ask and see his face close off. He suspects that I know that it was a lie.

'It's fine, thanks', he answers courtly. Clearly not wanting to discuss it.

I wonder why he doesn't try better to hide it. Does he want me to know it was a lie? But why, what would be the purpose of that? 'Good.' I finish my first coffee and get up. 'I'll see you later.' I grab my coffee to go and try not to get nervous on my way to the nurse.

I've been going for a while now, and mostly I've been gaining weight, but she's still not happy with my current weight so that's why she makes me come back. It's a total waste of my time. Hers too, for that matter.

On the way to the hospital wing I finish my second coffee. By the time I get there I feel nauseous. Since there isn't another option than going in, I knock once and enter. Madam Pomfrey is in her office and smiles when she sees me come in. I notice that there are some shields around the bed in the corner, and I wonder who's laying there.

'Good evening, Madam Pomfrey', I greet her when she comes out of her office.

She nods in my direction, while looking through a file. I suppose that's mine. 'Not too loud please, I rather not have you wake up my patient.'

'Of course.'

'Good', and she nods again. 'You know what to do, Miss Leclair.'

And I do. I go in the small changing room, get undressed and put on a hospital gown. I get out again and hear Madam Pomfrey talk to her patient. Carefully, I listen in. Madam Pomfrey is asking all kind of medical questions, but I can't hear the voice of her patient. Part of me is curious, so I tiptoe across the Hospital Wing.

'Are you still tired?' Madam Pomfrey says and I can hear her scribble down something. 'You have more colour on your cheeks though. Do you need some more chocolate?'

Her patient answers her, but he's speaking too softly for me to figure out his identity. Madam Pomfrey sees me standing in the middle of the Hospital Wing and nods.

'Ah, Remus, I see that miss Leclair is ready. I'll be right back with you.'

So, Remus. Why does she address him with his first name? Is she related to him? Or does he visit the Hospital Wing that often? He was here as well when I had my Quidditch accident. Why is he here so often?

'Can you step on the scale for me, Miss Leclair?' Madam Pomfrey asks while walking over to me.

I decide that I don't have time for another puzzle to solve. I still need to figure out who this Mystery Man is and I don't have a solid plan. Yet.

Without looking at the scale, I step on it. I hear Madam Pomfrey click her tongue, which tells me that she's unhappy with my weight. Unsurprising. I look down and the scale tells me that my current weight is 8 stones and 12 pounds. Not bad. I get off the scale and change quickly. When I re-enter the Hospital Wing, Madam Pomfrey is writing something down.

'It's progress, I suppose', she says when she sees me stepping out of the changing room.

Part of me gets angry, just for that comment. The other part realises that she's just scared of my mother. It's no use asking her to quit these sessions, I should talk about this with my mother. With her permission I can probably stop this.

I give Madam Pomfrey a polite smile and bid her goodnight.

* * *

 _Author's note I'm so sorry for the late update. I hope everybody enjoyed it and I love to hear your thoughts! Thank you for reading!_


	12. Staying up late to live tonight

**Chapter twelve – Staying up late to live tonight**

'You don't look half bad', Scarlett says as she walks into the dorm. 'Where are you going?'

I spray some perfume on my wrists and check out my outfit briefly. Dark green trousers, black boots with gold clasps. A white jumper and a big golden necklace. The sleeves of my jumper are reaching just past my elbows, leaving my under arms and wrists exposed. Nothing fancy. Maybe it's because of the necklace, or the watch. I thank her nonetheless. 'I've been invited to a party.'

Scarlett whistles and sits down on my bed. 'I believe you're the first Slytherin to attend a party organised by the Marauders. How did you get in?'

My gaze finds hers, and I see that she's telling the truth. I had no idea it was organised by the Marauders. I try to conceal my surprise, but I'm pretty sure Scarlett will notice.

'You didn't know', the brunette says, and she laughs. 'You have to let me know how it was. I've heard so many stories about those parties.' She notices my hesitation and frowns. 'You are going, right? You have to go.'

I wasn't looking forward on going, but now I just don't want to go. But I owe Lily, and I don't like being in a position that I owe somebody, so I at least have to show my face. 'I'll go, don't worry. You'll get your gossip.'

Scarlett smiles, obviously looking forward to that. 'Oh, now you mention gossip, I need to tell you something', her voice becomes more serious.

'Mhmm', I hum and put in simple earrings, not really listening that closely. Scarlett shares a lot of "interesting" gossip. Most of the time it's not useful, just plain gossip.

'I saw your brother talking to Avery today.'

I freeze, repeating the sentence in my head again. 'Avery?' I ask and give her a side look.

Scarlett nods. 'Yes. I found it unusual. Are they friends?'

'Not that I know of', I answer, focussing again on my earrings.

Why on earth would Matts be talking to Avery? Avery is older, and usually just hanging out with members of the pre-Death Eater club – that's how Scarlett calls it. Matts is not interested in the Dark Arts, nor does he have a problem with Muggles. He has Muggle friends, for Merlin's sake.

'I thought it was weird.'

I nod in Scarletts direction, but don't say anything more.

'When do you need to leave?'

A quick look at my watch tells me that I promised to meet Lily in ten minutes. 'About now.'

'Good. Have fun. I want to hear all the details tomorrow.' She frowns. 'And stop looking so serious. People will think you're no fun. You're not, of course, but they don't need to know that. It's a party, after all.'

I roll my eyes. 'Sure, Scarlett', and I hurry off to the seventh floor.

Lily is already waiting for me. She has crossed her arms and is tapping her foot impatiently. When she sees me, she uncrosses her arms and motions me to walk faster. 'You're late', she says when I get in hearing range.

'Does running late actually counts as exercise?' I ask Lily, her irritation makes me smile. 'That verb really confuses me.'

'Whatever', she waves my diversion away. 'You're looking nice.'

Lily is wearing a long, simple dress, with short heels. She has her hair pinned up, some curls are hanging loosely, framing her face. 'That's a good dress as well. Glad to see you're not dressing as a witch in Muggle clothing anymore – well, you know what I mean.'

Lily returns my smile. 'Yes, I do. Thanks. Now, come on, the party is just a little further down the hallway.'

'How are the Marauders able to host a party in Hogwarts? Don't the professors prevent it from happening?'

The redhead shrugs. 'They never have, and the attending Prefects make sure nothing too absurd happens. They're usually really fun.'

'How comes you're not going with Potter?' I can't help but ask, watching Lily closely for her reaction.

Almost immediately, Lily starts to blush. 'He asked me, he always does. I said no, like I always do. I've never said yes to him before.'

'Why not?'

'He's-' she stops herself, frowning. 'I just don't.'

And with that it seems that the Potter subject has been closed. I don't push Lily any further, this is her decision. If she doesn't want to go out with him, she shouldn't.

'It's on the left. If anybody gives you a hard time, I'm sure you can handle yourself', Lily says while giving me a quick look. 'And if not, tell them I invited you.'

I grin and open the door to be perplexed. The door leads to a big space, with high ceilings and large windows looking out on the grounds. In front of me is a large dancefloor, filled with people who're dancing. At the end of the room is a staircase that leads to a platform. I can see some couches up there, giving it a more cosy setting. On the right side there is a large three that is shining a soft white light, illuminating the bar next to it. It all reminds me of a club.

'Pretty cool, isn't it?' Lily asks, standing next to me and smirking.

'It's okay', and I make sure that I don't look surprised anymore. Lily laughs out loud.

Lily is about to say something when somebody calls her name. Most likely a friend. I recognise the girl as Mary MacDonald. Sweet girl, a bit dense, and I'm really not in the mood to hang out with her. Lily gives me an apologetic smile, but I tell her to go to Mary. 'I want to check out the bar anyway. I'll see you later.'

'Are you sure?' The redhead asks, obviously uncertain about us splitting up.

'Yes, I don't need a babysit', and I give her a little push in Mary's direction. 'I'll see you later.'

Lily walks over to her friend, looking pretty guilty, while I walk over to the bar. I sit down on a barstool, and grab a paper with beverages on it. There is nobody behind the bar, so I guess you can just grab whatever you want.

'I recommend the Jack and Coke.'

Without looking next to me, I know that Sirius is standing there. Probably smirking. I have no idea how he found me so quickly, but he sounds really happy about it. I'm uncertain if I should just ignore him, or tell him to go away.

'I can tell that you don't want me here', Sirius says as he sits down next to me, 'But before asking me to go away you should look left for a second.'

Even though I don't want to, I look left. A guy with big glasses and a rather unattractive smile waves at me, pleased with the attention. Without greeting him back I turn back to Sirius.

'I thought so', Sirius says and he winks. 'Want that Jack and Coke?'

Because I don't really have anywhere to go, I say yes. Sirius hands me a rocks glass. I take a sip, hide my grimace and turn around, so I can lean against the bar and look over the dance floor. Unfortunately, I don't see anyone who will be happy to see me – besides Lily with Mary by her side. 'You do realise that people are going to notice that you're acting civil to me, right?'

'I don't mind if they do.'

I look at Sirius, who looks completely earnest, and raise an eyebrow. 'Correct me if I'm wrong, but not long ago you were insulting the evil Slytherin.'

For a moment he looks in doubt, his white teeth catch his lip and he bites it, as if he's deciding what he's going to say. 'I want to apologise for that, actually. I'm sorry, I was wrong about you. The Sorting Hat made a mistake or something - I don't know. You're not evil.'

I take a large sip, ignore the burn and look at Sirius. I can see all kinds of emotions on his face, hesitation, eagerness, caution, glee. It seems like he's happy to be able to apologise to me, but afraid of my reaction. As he should be, it's absurd what he's saying. 'No, Sirius. The Sorting Hat wasn't wrong about me. I value the traits that are characteristic for Slytherins, there is just more to life than that.'

Sirius instantly looks like a kicked puppy. Big eyes, hunched shoulders. 'That's what I meant.'

Without even thinking about it my eyebrow raises again. 'No, you didn't. You can't place everyone in a box, life is bigger than that. But I am cunning and ambitious, yes. But so are you.'

'I don't understand that', Sirius says, frowning.

'You're ambitious – you hate losing at Quidditch, or failing your classes even though people can't know about that', I tell him, watching how his frown deepens. 'You're cunning – scheming your pranks, even lying about things to get your jokes just right in the end. The thing is, everybody is, up until a point.'

Sirius empties half of his glass, staring in front of him, clearly thinking.

'People are not evil for being ambitious or cunning. They're evil if they find pleasure in hurting people. Nothing is black or white', I add gently.

Still staring at the wall, Sirius finishes his drink. 'Slytherins always have been evil', he says eventually. 'I can see your point, I do, but a lot of evil people came from Slytherin.'

I shrug. 'Maybe so. Are all Gyffindors brave though? Like, incredibly brave?'

Now it's Sirius turn to shrug, but I can see that he knows where I'm going. He stands up and fixes himself a second drink, asks me if I want a refill as well but I decline.

Since I think it's unwise to push Sirius that far that fast, I decide to drop it and let him think on it. I've given him all the cards now, he should be able to find a way to come to terms with it. 'Do you think Lily will say yes to Potter?'

Sirius turns around as well, to look at Lily and James talking. James looks over the moon, Lily seems to be flattered by something James just said. 'I hope so, for him. Besides, he would be good for Lily. They would make a great couple.'

'I can't disagree with that.'

For a moment we just watch the two of them talk, until Sirius turns to me, looking like he just realised something important. 'You address me with my first name and James with his surname. Why?'

'Eh', and I try not surprised, but I'm pretty sure I'm unable to conceal it completely.

'It must mean you like me', and he looks like a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

'There is a crucial difference between liking somebody and fancying somebody', I explain to him slowly, as if he really is a child. 'Besides, I address Remus with his first name as well. So stop feeling like you're special.'

Sirius leans back against the bar, grinning. 'Somehow I doubt that you fancy Remus. However, I can see you fancy me. After all, what's there not to fancy – great facial structure, good-looking hair, handsome in general, really.'

I can't deny it entirely, because I'm not completely sure that I can pull it off without him suspecting a lie. Buying myself some time, I take a sip of my drink. My best option is to give him an overload of information to baffle him. I take another sip, this time for some courage. 'I might fancy certain parts of you. However, this doesn't mean that I fancy you. Do you understand the difference? The first is admiring your hair, while the second is liking every aspect of you – or at least accepting and understanding you as a person.'

For a moment, Sirius actually looks taken aback. Then he straightens his back. 'What don't you like about me?'

Casually, I finish my drink, while deciding what I should answer. I got to hand it to him, he's resilient. 'I don't like how fast you're to judge things.'

'What do you mean?' Sirius asks, frowning.

'For example', and I give him my glass for a refill so his attention focusses on the glass. I don't want him to see how bad I feel for rubbing his mistake in his face, again. 'How fast you were to judge that I was evil when I was Sorted into Slytherin. Can I get another drink?'

Sirius takes my glass and makes me a new drink, remarkably quiet. He hands me over my glass and sits back down on his stool, staring at the people on the dance floor. 'Another example', he says eventually, his voice soft, 'is how quick I was to judge you had an eating disorder.'

Silence hangs heavily between us and I desperately try to act casually without looking at him, while feeling his gaze on me. I can feel anxiety course through my body and I take a big gulp of my drink, hoping the alcohol will override it.

'I'm sorry that I did', Sirius says sincerely. 'Before making up my mind about it, I should at least have asked you about it. Besides, it wasn't my business. It isn't my business. If you don't want to talk about it with me, then that's fine as well.'

At the end Sirius' voice sounds a bit forced, so I know it was difficult for him to say that. He probably talked with Remus about this. I'm glad Remus was able to talk some sense into him, but I don't want to discuss this. Not now. Not with Sirius. My gaze catches Sirius', and his light grey eyes are calm, they steady me in a way. Invite me to talk. Or maybe it's the alcohol. It's probably the alcohol. I flash him a smile and look away.

'Have you been upstairs?' Sirius asks, his voice light and upbeat. 'There is a pond up there, a sort of Muggle wishing well. I bet you like it.' He gets up and gives me an expectant look.

Happy with the subject change, I get up to follow him to the platform. But after just a few steps he turns around abruptly and suddenly his face is really close to mine. 'We should make a toast', he says softly.

He is almost whispering, but I can hear him perfectly fine. Just as I can feel his hot breath on my face. He's far too close to me, and I almost expect him to kiss me, but somehow I can't make myself back away. 'To what?' I ask him, my voice equally quiet.

'To us', and his eyes glitter with mischief. 'To tonight.'

Together with Sirius, I raise my glass. My eyes lock on his lips for a moment, as he brings the glass to his mouth to drink. Afterwards his full lips – especially his bottom lip – is gleaming a bit because it's wet. Sirius gives me a hopeful look, so I take a sip as well, larger than I intended and I can feel the liquor burn at the back of my throat. Sirius seems satisfied, turns around and walks away.

Almost breathless I stare at his back, wondering why I feel disappointed. Did I really want him to kiss me that much? I bite my lip, trying to focus, and follow him.

* * *

 _Author's note A belated Happy Birthday to Sirius, and a rather large scene with him in the spotlight. I hope you enjoyed it! _


	13. Dear brother

**Chapter thirteen – Dear brother**

When I walk upstairs, it's as if I'm entering a completely other room. Behind me, the party is still going on, but silencing charms are dulling the music to a soft buzz. The atmosphere is different as well, there are little lights hanging from the ceiling, candles on the small tables next to the couches. Overall, there is an intimate undertone.

Sirius wasn't joking, in the middle of the platform there is a wishing well, and I can see some coins blinking in it.

In the left corner some students are sitting together, most faces turned extremely serious. 'What's going on there?' I ask Sirius, my curiosity has been stirred. Gryffindors rarely look that serious.

'I think a truth game', he answers with a shrug, clearly not interested.

'Could we like', and my voice trails off, unsure of how to continue. I don't want him to know that I'm curious, and if I hadn't had any alcohol I'd probably not even have said anything in the first place. Before I can finish my sentence, or Sirius can say anything, somebody calls out my name. I frown, recognising my little brothers voice right away.

'Is that your brother?' Sirius asks me, when I don't react immediately.

'Yes.'

'He sounds drunk.'

'He does', I agree with him, but walk towards Matthieu nonetheless.

Matthieu has an odd look on his face. I recognise the anger on it straight away, but there is something else as well. I don't know what it is and I'm not sure if I even want to know. 'Hi, Matts', I greet him cautiously when I get in hearing range.

He smiles sardonically. 'You and me, a truth game.'

I raise an eyebrow, as if I'm unimpressed with his smile - in truth I am impressed. I've seen my brother grow up, and never have I seen that expression on his face before. How was he able to learn and master it in such a short time? 'And what exactly is a truth game?'

'Each person gets to ask three questions, and the one who gets questioned is under Veritaserum', Sirius explains when it becomes clear that Matthieu won't explain. 'Basically, you get a truthful answer to three questions since the other person can't lie. In return you get three truthful answers as well.'

'Are you really sure that you want to do this?' I ask Matthieu, giving him an inquiring look.

'Yes', and he lifts his chin in defiance.

And then it just clicks. Why Severus was acting strangely, why Scarlett saw him talking to Avery, why he has been an even bigger pain in the ass than he was before. 'Fine', I snap, angry that I missed this completely, but part of me can't accept this. I need to hear him say it.

Matthieu throws me a small bottle and tells me to sit down across of him.

Careful to keep my face as empty as possible, I sit down. Matthieu stares at me, a sneer on his face. I raise an eyebrow and down the little bottle.

For a moment Matthieu just stares at me, probably trying to make me feel uncomfortable. He notices that it doesn't work and glares at me. 'Why do you hate me so much?'

My heart breaks.

For all these years, I've tried to protect him. And to do that I had to push him away multiple times. Every time, really. It's not that far-fetched to think that I don't like him, hate him even. 'I don't hate you', I tell him, slowly, testing the truth potion. It's a mild version, thankfully. Impossible to lie, but it doesn't compel me to tell the entire truth.

Matthieu frowns, obviously not happy with the answer. 'Then why don't you trust me?'

Thank Merlin it's a mild version. This is not a question that I want to answer with too many details. 'I don't trust you to keep yourself safe. I keep things from you so I can make sure that you're unharmed', I answer, solely focussing on Matthieu, trying to ignore everybody looking at me.

Matthieu's frown deepens. 'Who are you protecting me from?'

This is a question I was expecting. It's also a question that I never wanted to have him ask me. The last thing that I want is to have him know. All I ever did was trying to protect him from this. Instead of answering I take a big gulp of my drink, finishing it.

Because I don't answer him, Matthieu raises an eyebrow, knowing I'm uncomfortable.

Since there isn't another option, I force myself to say: 'Maman.'

Confusion is written all over Matthieu's face. 'I don't understand. How are you protecting me from her?' He asks, sounding so young.

I take the bottle antidote, take a sip and throw him a little bottle with Veritaserum. 'You asked the wrong questions, little brother', I tell him, while watching him drink the potion. 'So, my turn now. When did you get initiated?'

Matthieu's mouth falls open, his eyes are wide open, clearly shocked. The few Gryffindors who were talking softly, fall silent, so everybody is watching us now.

Casually, I lean back in my seat. I know it will look as if I'm cool and all-knowing, but in truth I'm just feeling really unsteady. The alcohol is making me feel dizzy. 'Tell me, Matts', I add, this time my voice is gentler.

My voice makes him frown for a second, but then he looks me right in the eye, all earlier shock completely gone. 'At the end of October.'

For a moment all I feel is sadness, because I haven't seen any shame on Matthieu's face. This means that it was a well thought decision that he doesn't regret. But then the sadness is gone and anger has taken its place. 'What did they offer you?' I snap, while carefully monitoring him.

'Power and somewhere to belong to', he says with pride.

I'm not sure which emotion is strongest at the moment, anger or disappointment. 'Lovely, you really should be proud of that. We're done here', and with that I get up. Matthieu stands up as well, clearly wanting to say something, but I walk out of him.

'Are you okay?' Sirius asks me softly, catching up with me when I reach the stairs.

I don't know how to answer him. I feel so empty and spent. Instead of answering, I shake my head and we leave the party. Once back in the corridor and the music falls away, I feel like I can breathe again. I can feel Sirius' curiosity, but I ignore it.

'You want to go to the grounds? Get some fresh air.'

'Yeah', I answer Sirius, grateful that he's not asking me about my brother. He probably is dying to ask me what was going on between my brother and me. Since neither of us used the word Death Eaters, nobody can know for sure what we were talking about. Matthieu is still safe. But people are quick to judge. 'Let's do that.'

'Violette!'

I freeze. It's Matthieu. I can hear his footsteps, hastily coming after me.

'I need you to explain it to me', he yells in my direction.

Sirius turns around. 'Hey, dude, now is really not a good time, okay?'

'I'm speaking to my sister, not to you', Matthieu answers him coldly. 'Stay out of it.'

Out of the corner of my eye I look at Sirius. He straightens his back, clearly irritated and determined to protect me against my brother. Knowing Matthieu, he won't back down, but neither will Sirius. I turn around, telling myself that I won't make it worse. My gaze catches Matthieu's. The anger in it makes my skin crawl.

'Talk to me!' he shouts, his voice hard.

I know then and there that I won't be able to keep my earlier promise, it's going to be a mess. 'So, tell me, what's it like?' I ask my brother, my voice filled with venom. 'Torturing Muggles during every meeting or is that just for special occasions?'

For a moment he seems taken aback, but then he raises his chin. 'Don't be so crude.'

'I'm merely curious', I go on, while giving him a cold glare. 'Since you'll be unprepared for that special occasion, I suggest that you practise first. I'd hate it if you showed up unprepared.'

'Stop it', Sirius says, sensing where I'm going.

I ignore Sirius, and carefully watch Matthieu. He has no clue at all. 'The Cruciatus Curse, my little brother. You should practise.'

Matthieu frowns, still not understanding.

Dramatically, I sigh and rolls my eyes. 'Go on then, use it on me. So when you need to, you actually know what you're doing.'

'Really, Violette, don't', Sirius mutters softly next to me, at the same time as Matthieu says: 'What?'

'Or are you afraid?' I ignore Sirius again, focussing solely on my brother. 'Is the little Gryffindor afraid? You're supposed to be brave, Matts. Brave and unafraid. Don't tell me that you're not a worthy Gryffindor.'

'I'm not afraid!' He yells, getting a little blush on his face.

I give him a sardonic smile, sensing that I've got him in a corner. 'Oh, so you're not afraid?' I ask him rhetorically, tilting my head a little bit. 'So why won't you do it then? Don't you think I deserve it? Do I need to remind you? It's because of me that your own mother doesn't see you. We both know that she sees right through you. It's me that made you what are right now, unworthy of love and attention. You are nothing.'

Matthieu stares at me, anger in his eyes, his face pale. He looks conflicted. As if part of him doesn't believe that I mean it. That I did it on purpose.

'I never thought you'd be that dense, you know', I say as a matter of fact, giving him that last push he needs. 'You really thought it was in your head, didn't you? Oh no, dear brother, I just dislike you and Maman was happy to ignore you, sharing my opinion.'

'Matthieu, don't', Sirius says as Matthieu raises his wand. 'She is just mad and is pushing your buttons. She doesn't mean it. She's just saying that to hurt you.'

Quickly, I glance in Sirius' direction. It's sweet of him that he's trying to protect me, but does he really think that I need protection? Or that he could make Matthieu back down and leave me alone? I look back at Matthieu, trying to determine if he would do it. Matthieu opens his mouth, closes it again, to open it again. I raise an eyebrow, letting him know that I'm waiting.

'Just tell me', he shrieks, his anger, frustration and loneliness bundled in those three words.

Part of me feels sorry for him. But he doesn't deserve my pity. He made his choice. 'Oh, I'll tell you something. Remember Olivia and Peter? They think they're scum. That they're not worthy of life. I know you kissed Olivia last summer. Should she die?'

Matthieu closes his eyes for a second, as if he doesn't know what to say. 'It's not like that.'

'Yes, Matts, it's exactly like that and-'

'What would you have me do then?' Matthieu yells, desperation clear in his eyes. 'You are never there, Violette. Nor was Maman. Never. Like you said, I don't exist for you two. Because of you I had to leave my friends from Beauxbatons and had to come here. I had no-one.'

'So you joined a lets-kill-some-Muggles-club', I react cynically, ignoring the fact that I feel for him. I don't want to feel sorry for him. He made a huge mistake, and I don't even know if I ever can forgive him for that. 'Real mature, Matts. A beautiful decision. I don't think it's possible to make a better choice in life than that one.'

'You left me no choice!'

'You always have a choice!' I yell right back at him.

Matthieu stares at me, slowly realising what he did. He wraps his arms around himself, as if he's about to cry and needs somebody to hold him. 'Please, Violette, just tell me why.'

I make sure that my gaze doesn't soften. Not one bit. 'Absolutely not. At first, I kept it a secret to protect you. Now I won't tell you because you don't deserve to know.'

'Please', he pleads.

'No', I tell him, my voice hard and unforgiving. 'Think long and hard about what you've done, Matthieu. Let me know if you change your mind. Otherwise, don't bother talking to me anymore.'

Matthieu looks devastated.

I give him one last cold look, grab Sirius' arm and walk towards the staircase. Listening intently, I know that Matthieu hasn't moved. Sirius, next to me, hasn't said a word but has wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

'I can't believe he did that', I whisper when we reach the ground floor.

'I know', Sirius replies, his voice gentle and soothing.

'I can't believe he did that', I repeat, still not entirely believing what just happened. 'How could he do that, Sirius? How could he?'

Sirius doesn't answer, but tightens his grip on me. 'This changes everything. And at the same time it changes absolutely nothing. But it does change some things. I don't know. Really, I don't know.'

'It's okay', Sirius says softly, leading me to the basement.

Maybe, if I wasn't tipsy, or heartbroken, I would notice that Sirius wasn't leading me outside. Well, I do notice. I just don't care. He could bring me Merlin knows where and I'd still not care. We stop at a painting of a bowl of fruit, and Sirius touches it. A piece of fruit, I believe it's a pear, transforms in a green door-knob and Sirius opens the door.

'Welcome to the kitchens', he says as he pulls me inside.

The kitchens are huge and looks almost identical to the Great Hall. It has a really high ceiling, and there are five big tables in the middle. At the sides there are stoves and counter-tops, filled with various sorts of pots and pans. There are a few House Elves walking around, and when they notice us they walk towards us.

'Hi, could we have like, eh', Sirius says when the first House Elf comes close enough to hear him, 'Do you like hot chocolate?' He asks me, a bit unsure.

'Yeah', I reply, while Sirius pulls me towards the end of the space, towards a fire. By the time we reach the fireplace, Sirius is already carrying two hot chocolates. He motions for me to sit down, and does the same.

'How do you feel?' He asks and hands over a cup to me at the same time.

I hold the warm cup between my two hands, savouring the warmth. 'I don't know. My brother has joined some pre-Death Eater club. How should I feel?'

'Sorry, stupid question', Sirius mumbles.

'No, I'm sorry', I say softly. 'I'm just so – I'm so angry. And disappointed. He's not a bad kid, Sirius. He just made a really stupid mistake.'

'That he did.'

For a while neither of us speak. I stare at my cup of hot chocolate, trying to figure out what I'm going to do. I can't forbid Matthieu, in the end it's his decision. However, is he still my responsibility then? Is everything I did in vain? Afraid of the answer, I put down my cup and force myself to stop thinking about it. 'I'm going to go to bed, Sirius.'

Sirius looks at me, his light grey eyes filled with so many emotions, but no matter how hard I try, I can't find any pity in it. And that makes me like him even more. Sirius gets up, holds out his hand and pulls me up as well. 'Want me to walk you to your dorm?'

As much as I would enjoy his company, I decline. I don't want to depend on him too much. We walk together to the entrance of the kitchens, where I thank him.

'You don't need to thank me', Sirius says, and he looks like he's about to give me a hug.

Quickly, I flash him a smile and back away, saying goodnight. Part of me will fall apart if he touches me right now, and I'm not sure if I can put myself together again afterwards.


	14. Going to a place called home

**Chapter fourteen – Going to a place called home**

I've always believed that without a proper purpose you're lost in life. So, the day after the party I get up, get dressed in my running clothes and go out for an early morning run to clear my head. Or better said, to plan.

Fact, I don't need to protect my brother anymore.

Result, I've lost my main purpose in life.

Question, what am I going to do now?

The thing is, I've never thought about this before, because I'd never imagined that there would come a day that I wouldn't be responsible for my brother. It was pointless to waste energy on it, so I haven't. And now I'm completely unprepared.

What do I want to do?

I could quit Hogwarts and move back to Belgium. Rent a little flat, get a job. I could work in a coffee shop, a Muggle place that serves all kinds of special coffees. I can imagine that the people who work there get a discount. Maybe even get them for free. I'd love that.

Another option is to travel and see the world. Go to places that I've never been before - which isn't hard, since I haven't been anywhere except for Belgium, France and England. I could go to somewhere tropical. Or up to the north, it's supposed to be breath-taking.

What am I going to do?

I can't leave. How could I, without knowing who Laurent Bellamy is? Without seeing my mother's face when I tell her that I've been feeding her lies for years now? Without getting my degree? Without giving my brother at least a chance to change?

It sure is tempting, to just walk out of the gates and never come back, but that would be a decision made with my heart, not my mind. And those decisions are rarely the best ones. So I need a new, solid plan. One that fits me best - not my brother, my mother, but me.

Apparently, I'm not good at planning my own future, because two weeks later I'm sitting on the train towards home and I still have no clue as to what I should do with my life.

'Is it okay if we join you ladies?' Sirius asks, casually leaning against the door frame, his arms crossed.

I give him a quick look, and see that his friends are standing behind him, a little bit impatient. 'Actually, no, it's not okay.'

Sirius gives me a wink and walks in, as if I asked him to come in. 'You don't actually think that you can keep dodging me, right?' He asks while sitting down next to me.

'I'm impressed you even noticed', I answer a little snidely, and move closer towards the window so Sirius can't touch me. I return to painting my nails, ignoring the conversation around me, not really interested in talking.

'Leclair', Potter calls out my name, 'Would you go out with me?'

Shocked, I mess some nail polish on my fingers, and look up at Lily, who looks equally shocked. I look at Potter, who turns red when I catch his gaze.

'With us, not me – like a double date. Evans, Sirius, me and you', he says hastily, almost tripping over his own words. 'Evans keeps saying no, so I wanted to try something else. This sounded way better in my head.'

'No', I tell him, and focus back on my nails, trying to clean up the mess I made.

'Come on, Violette, help the guy out', Sirius says in a serious voice. 'It might be his only chance on having a date with Lily. Their happiness depends on you.'

I give him a sidelong glare. 'What do you not understand when I say no?'

Sirius smiles widely. 'Your friend needs you, have some compassion. Lily, would you go out with us?'

'Eh', Lily says, sounding unsure of what's happening. 'I suppose.'

'Lovely to hear. So, you need to come as well, Violette. You know what, I bet you may choose where we're going, right Prongs?'

'Absolutely', Potter is fast to agree.

I look up, to see two excited faces. Lily looks unsure.

'Why don't you go to Belgium, stay for a night, show them around where you grew up?' Remus suggest diplomatically. 'Isn't Belgium known for those Christmas markets?'

'No, that's Germany', I correct Remus absently, while my mind is scheming. This is a really good move towards figuring out Bellamy's identity and why he's suing my mother. 'Why don't we go to France?'

'Yes, Paris!' Potter exclaims, really into it.

Quickly, I scan the letter in my mind. 'Marseille, Potter. Oldest city of France.'

'Marseille, then', Potter shrugs, not caring to which city we're going, as long as Lily comes with us. 'So, it's a date?'

Since everybody is looking at me waiting for a response, I nod. 'Sure. Now, stop looking at me and just do whatever you were doing before we discussed this.'

'Of course', Sirius says next to me, his eyes shining with amusement.

I roll my eyes and finish my nails. By the time I'm done we've almost arrived in King's Cross station.

'Oh, your brother was looking for you', Lily says meekly. 'Sorry, I forgot about that.'

'Is he going home?' I ask her while putting my stuff in a shoulder bag.

'Yes, he is.'

For a moment, I stop dead in my tracks, various scenario's going through my mind. I wasn't expecting that at all. Then I close my bag and throw it over my shoulder, as if nothing happened and get out of the train. I'm sure that I can feel Sirius stare at me, waiting for me to say something, but he keeps quiet. And so do I.

'So, girls, see you later. Happy holidays and all that', Potter says, still excited. 'Where do we meet up, next Saturday at 10 in the morning? Main entrance of King's Cross? I can ask my father for a Portkey?'

Uninterested, I shrug, trying to spot my mother or brother.

'Sure', Sirius replies. 'Moony, I can see your Dad.'

'Oh, right,' and he grabs his suitcase. 'Happy holidays guys.'

As Remus goes over to his father, I let my eyes wander over the crowd, noticing my mother. 'Happy holidays', I say as well, grab my suitcase and walk towards my mother before she can come to me and make a dramatic scene.

'Ma chère Violette', she exclaims, wrapping her arms around me and pulling me close.

Slowly, I breathe out, trying to not lose my patience. 'Salut, Maman', I greet her, continuing in French. 'Ça va?'

'Ça va très bien', she answers, while trying to find Matthieu. 'Matts!' She suddenly yells, waving.

I roll my eyes, annoyed by her extravagant behaviour. Apparently she's back in the running for mother of the year.

Matthieu, with red cheeks, gets the same hug as I received just moments ago. He gives me a desperate look, but I look away. When my mother is done with Mattieu, she shrinks our trunks and puts them in her purse. 'I'm so happy to have you both back, I've missed you so much. Why don't we go out for dinner tonight?'

'Can we just have a night in?' I ask, absolutely not in the mood to go out. I'm pretty sure that if I have my mother sitting next to me all evening, she'll notice that I'm not talking to my brother. And I'd rather not tell her why I'm ignoring him. That might make things awkward.

'Awh, come on, ma chérie', my mother says, almost pouting. 'It's going to be so much fun.'

I could really use a cigarette right now, but it will probably do more harm. Subtly, I give Matthieu a cold look.

'Can't we do that another day?' Matthieu asks, clearly getting the message.

Maman sighs dramatically and gives us both a look. Neither of us budge. 'Fine. I have a pretty busy week – I took today off for the both of you. Let's go out next Saturday then. There is this Italian place, you'll love it Matts.'

'I can't, I'm going to Marseille with my friends that weekend', I tell them while getting in the car. 'But you two should go. Have fun. Besides, you know I'm not that into Italian food.'

'Marseille?' Maman echoes. 'Why are you going to France?'

I quickly glance in her direction, noticing her unease. For a moment, I just enjoy her discomfort. She's probably asking herself if I have figured out, and if I did, how. I look outside because I can't conceal my smirk. 'Yes, my friends wanted to go to France. So I suggested Marseille. Have you been there before, Maman?'

'No, I haven't', she replies almost sourly.

And that's the end of our conversation.

At home, Maman enlarges our suitcases and I go up to my room to unpack.

My bedroom is cold and uninviting, and most of all impersonal. In the middle there is my bed, with dark blue sheets, a nightstand with some books on it. On the left I have a big closet and a chair to hang some clothes on, on the right a desk, a bookcase and a comfortable seat to occupy while reading. Not that I've used it much before, because we moved in last August.

Once unpacked, I trade my dress for a pair of dark trousers and t-shirt. I put on some heels and leather jacket. While putting my purse in a small bag, together with a book, I hear footsteps in the hallway. Immediately, I recognise them as my brother's.

'Going somewhere?'

Slowly, I turn around and give him a cold glare. 'This doesn't concern you.'

Matthieu shrugs casually, but the nervousness is visible in his eyes. 'I won't tell Maman. I just wanted to ask for a truce.'

I raise an eyebrow. 'Not interested. And you'll keep your mouth shut, because I'm pretty sure I know a thing or two she'd like to know if you give me a hard time. I doubt she'll let you off as easy as I do.'

'Easy?' And he raises his voice a bit, but not loud enough for our mother to hear. 'You call this easy?'

'Easier than you deserve', and I walk past him, without looking at him. 'Don't forget to close my door behind you.'

Swiftly, I walk out of the apartment, without my mother noticing. She's sitting in the living room, probably going over some work papers. I told her that I'd go to bed early and since she's a bit upset about not having dinner together, I doubt she'll check up on me.

The fresh air makes me wish that I picked a warmer jacket or at least brought a scarf with me, but I don't turn around. Instead I take a cigarette and light it, slowly taking a drag from it.

The London that I saw over summer is different than the London that I'm seeing now. Last summer I wasn't allowed to go out, except in the company of my mother or brother, and they only go out when it's light. Now, at eight o'clock in the evening, a different type of crowd is occupying London.

For a while I just wander around, smoking, watching people and enjoying the peace. But then I grow tired of casting warming charms on myself and decide to enter a pub called 'Moon Under Water'. I recognise the name as George Orwell's fictitious perfect pub.

'Moon Under Water' is located in a narrow but long space. It has a rather large bar on the left, some small tables on the right, and at the back you can play a game of darts. All of the tables are occupied and a pop song is blasting rather loudly through the speakers – apparently a good one since some people are actually dancing. Or maybe they're just drunk and dance to any music, I can't tell.

I sit down on a stool at the bar and order a coffee. By the time I get my coffee I've already finished a page in 'A Children's Anthology of Monsters by Newton Scamander'. It's a collection of fairy tales for children. Not something I usually read, but I was in the mood for something light.

'Four tequila shots, please.'

Curious, I glance at the girl next to me who just ordered. She has long strawberry blond hair in a high pony tail, a glossy skin, red lips. Her gaze catches mine and she winks. Then she looks down at my book. 'Eduardo, please make that five!' She smiles at me. 'You better put that away. I bet you don't want to get any tequila on it.'

'Eh, pardon me?' I ask, confused.

Her smile widens. 'You're going to have a shot with me and my friends.'

I raise an eyebrow and shake my head. I point at my coffee. 'I don't drink alcohol.'

'Sweetheart, don't make this difficult', and she closes my book, her light green eyes glittering. 'You're one of those sad girls, and I know how to make fun. So let me help you.'

'One of those sad girls?' I echo her.

Her smile turns into a smirk. 'Don't look so offended. Beautiful, intelligent and act as if you are carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders.'

I sit a little bit straighter than I did before. 'I don't look like that.'

The blonde tilts her head back and laughs out loud. 'Yes, you do, sad girl. Now, come on, let me cheer you up.'

'Thank you, but no.' I get up, throw some money next to my coffee, grab my book and get out.

* * *

 _Athor's note: Thank you for reading, and it would be nice to hear your thoughts about it!_


	15. Establishing an alibi

**Chapter fifteen – Establishing an alibi**

Since the weather in Marseille is a little bit warmer than London at the moment, I picked a long gold metallic coloured leather trench coat with a large scarf. A simple dark blue dress underneath with high boots. I packed some essentials in a small handbag – it's bigger on the inside to make everything fit. Not that I need that much for two days, but still. You have to be prepared.

'Can I get you anything?'

Without looking up from my book (Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury) I order a coffee. I still have a lot of time left, before meeting up with my friends, so after that first coffee a second and a third follow quickly. When it's almost 10 a.m., I get a fourth coffee to go, make a quick stop at the ladies' room to check my make-up and get to the front gate of King's Cross, to find the guys already waiting there.

'You're both early', I greet them from behind, making them jump.

A big smile appears on Sirius' face, while Potter turns back around, checking out the cars intently. 'Prongs here was a little bit too eager. We've been waiting for half an hour already, just in case Evans gets here early. And guess what, she's running late.'

Without even trying to hide my smirk, I sit down on a bench. 'That explains why Potter is early. Why are you?'

'I moved in with the Potters a while ago', Sirius says as he sits down next to me, leaning back against the wall behind us. 'How come you're already here?'

Part of me is certain that he's changing the subject deliberately, but I let it slide. It sure is curious though, that he lives with the Potters instead of his own family. The Blacks are a pureblood family, and there is a lot of pride involved. I store the information in the back of my head and move on - for now. 'I wanted to read a bit, so I arrived early.'

Sirius face tells me that he doesn't exactly believe me either, but he doesn't say anything. 'And that is your second coffee?'

I take a sip from my coffee to hide my smirk. 'My fourth, actually.'

'I doubt that's healthy', he remarks.

'Whatever', and I shrug, not caring in the slightest. I grab my pack of cigarettes, give one to Sirius and light both his and mine. 'Check out Potter's face, I think he has seen Lily.'

Potter looks like a little kid on Christmas morning. His face is filled with happiness and excitement. I've never seen him so joyful and focussed – and that's usually how he gets when a Quidditch match is about to start. It seems like he's going to try his hardest to make Lily fall for him. Little does he know that she already has, he just needs to make sure that he doesn't screw it up.

'You're late!' I yell to Lily when she gets out of the car.

Instantly, she starts to blush. Lily says goodbye to her parents and walks up to us. 'Hi, everyone.'

'I love your coat', I compliment her. She's wearing a classy coat made out of wool, jeans and heels. 'And your shoes.'

Lily smiles, obviously happy with the praise. 'Thanks. Somebody wise told me not to wear my grandmother's clothes. Seems like I took the advice.'

I laugh out loud while Potter looks baffled that somebody didn't like Lily's clothes. Before he can say anything about it though, Sirius reminds him about the Portkey that will bring us to France is going to be activated in a few minutes. We gather our things and all touch a map of London that Potter is holding. The all too familiar feeling of having a hook behind my navel pulls me towards France, followed by nausea.

'I absolutely hate Portkeys', Sirius mutters, a bit paler than usual, the first one to straighten himself.

'Fastest and easiest way', Potter says, but he doesn't look much better than Sirius.

'What was that?'

I turn towards Lily, who looks like she's about to be sick. Her vivid green eyes are a bit watery, her face filled with disgust. I can't help myself and start to laugh. 'First time, right?'

'Oh, I'm sorry Evans, I didn't know you have never travelled by Portkey before', and Potter actually looks panicked. 'Can I get you anything?'

My gaze catches Sirius' and I try my best to not laugh at Potter. This is going to be an entertaining weekend.

'Right', I say, capturing everybody's attention. 'First stop is the Proud Unicorn. I made reservations for us, it's a Wizarding bed and breakfast. It should be near Cours Julien – that's a really nice neighbourhood.'

Without trying to be too obvious, I grab Sirius' arm so Lily and Potter can walk together. Lily seems like she hasn't noticed it and looks pretty impressed by the city around her. I loosen my scarf a bit and catch Sirius' grin. 'Don't look at me like that. I'm not here for you.'

Sirius shrugs. 'I don't care about the reason, I'm just enjoying your company.'

I snort, a little bit irritated, but part of me is flattered at the same time. 'Shut up, Sirius.'

Sirius' grin morphs into a smirk, but he keeps quiet.

The Proud Unicorn screams baroque. It's a symmetrical building, in soft pink, with French balconies and some complicated pattern in in the border. It looks well taken care of and inviting. There are lights put up, lighting up the entire building.

'Maybe next time we should pick the hotel, eh Padfoot?' Potter says with a grin, while bumping his shoulder against Sirius's.

'It's a bed and breakfast, Potter, not a hotel', I correct him and roll my eyes, trying not to look too irritated, but not wanting him to think that he can get away with this type of behaviour either. 'Now, you can sleep outside if you don't like it. I honestly don't mind.'

'No need to act so offended', Potter answers, irritation clear in his voice.

I want to say something rude, but for Lily's sake I keep my mouth shut. Sirius notices my annoyance and tells Potter to be nice. This only makes me even more angry, because I absolutely don't need Sirius to tell Potter off.

'Bonjour, tout le monde', a young woman with long pink hair welcomes us. She's smiling broadly and motions us to come in. 'Comment puis-je vous aider?'

'Bonjour, Madame', I greet her back with a polite smile. 'Je m'appelle Violette Leclair, j'ai réservé pour quatre personnes?'

'Mais oui', and her smile widens. 'You must be the Englishmen', she switches to English in a heavy French accent. 'Welcome in the Proud Unicorn. My name is Joséphine.'

Joséphine is the owner of the Proud Unicorn. I pay her for the two rooms I booked for tonight and afterwards she gives us a little tour. We are allowed to use the living room and kitchen - in the mornings breakfast is served at eight. On the first floor there is a bathroom that we all need to share since our rooms don't have private bathrooms and our rooms are across from each other on the second floor. We check out our rooms after Joséphine has left us there – they're basic but pretty modern.

'I'm starving, can we go grab a bite?' Sirius asks while leaning against the doorframe. Potter is standing behind him, looking a bit impatient.

'What time is it?' Lily wants to know, while putting her hair in a ponytail.

'Almost noon', James replies.

Absolutely not hungry, I say nothing and put on my coat, knowing that I can't deprive Sirius and Potter of their lunch. 'There are a lot of places we can get something on the square.'

Potter and Sirius decide that the first restaurant we see is going to be the one. It's a small, but cosy, with friendly waiters, so I don't mind. Since I'm the only one who speaks French, I get to translate the menu and order.

'You should teach us some French', Lily asks, going all doe-eyes on me.

I raise an eyebrow. 'I have no idea who gives in when you look like that, but I'm certain it's not me.'

She rolls her eyes, smirking. 'Whatever.'

While waiting for our food, I mostly just listen to the conversation, while trying to figure out when the right moment will be to find out who Bellamy is. The how is easy, Felix – a friend from Beauxbatons, who has family who works in the Muggle law court, is my way in. When is still a big question mark. I could try to sneak out, or pretend to be sick, or pretend to meet some family. But Gryffindors are loyal and most of all nosy. If I feign being ill, they'll stay with me to cheer me up or something just as ridiculous. If I tell them that I'll visit my family, they'll want to meet them.

'Violette, where is your food?' Sirius asks when the waiter brings their meals.

'I'm not hungry so I didn't order anything', I answer Sirius absently. I hand over my empty cup of coffee to the waiter and order another one. 'Enjoy your meal, guys.'

'Did you have breakfast?'

I act as if I don't know that Sirius is talking to me and grab my bottle of hand cream out of my bag. Sirius doesn't say anything anymore, so I put some hand cream on my hands and rub it in slowly.

'Here you go', and Sirius slide his plate towards me. He has cut his sandwich in two and is eating one part. The other part is still on his plate, now right in front of me. 'Bon appetit is what the French say, right?'

'I told you I'm not hungry Sirius. Thank you, but no thanks', and I want to give him his plate back but he stops me. Since I'm not in the mood to make a scene in a restaurant I throw him an ugly look.

Sirius smiles. 'It's noon, eat.'

I can feel Lily and Potter look at me as well, so I take a bite of Sirius' sandwich, trying to act casual about it. Even though I want to throw the food at him. Why can't everybody mind his own business and leave me alone? Apparently that's too difficult.

After our lunch – I ended up actually eating half the sandwich – we pay and go out for some sightseeing.

Our first stop is Basilique Notre-Dame-de-la-Garde. It's situated on the top of a hill, overlooking the city and sea below. Best way to get there is by bus, but the guys wanted to go by foot (something about being young and fully experiencing life). It takes us a while, but it's so worth it. The Basilique is breath-taking. It's huge and impressive, with a lot of marble, mosaic floors and history all over. Lily brought a Muggle camera with her and takes pictures.

We take the bus back to town and wander around. Le Canebière is the wealthy part of Marseille, with big impressive buildings, fancy hotels and expensive shops. We enter a few shops, but before Potter can actually buy something excessive and make Lily uncomfortable, I guide our small group towards Marseille's old city centre – Le Panier. It's a picturesque neighbourhood, with small roads and sweet houses. Just before sunset we arrive at the Vieux Port, the old harbour. I get us some tickets for the Ferris wheel.

'Violette', Lily says softly, grabbing my arm to pull me closer towards her. 'Would you mind if...'

Confused, I frown, not sure what Lily is trying to say, but then I notice that we have to pair up. Lily wants to sit with Potter, so I'm stuck with Sirius for half an hour or so. Fantastic. I force myself to give her a reassuring smile. 'Of course, have fun. And you should exactly do what I won't do.'

Lily flushes bright red. 'Violette!'

'Sirius, get over here. We need to give Potter and Lily some alone time', I say with a smirk, making Lily blush even more.

'Violette, really!'

Still grinning, I sit down next to Sirius and grab my pack of cigarettes. 'Do you want one as well?'

'No, thanks.'

I give Sirius a funny look. 'Suit yourself', and I tighten my scarf a bit, watching the sun set into the sea.

'What's going on?'

Without looking at Sirius, I slowly blow out, ignoring him.

'Just to clarify, you're stuck here with me for the next thirty minutes.'

I take another drag from my cigarette, still ignoring him.

'And I can make this a really horrible experience for you.'

'Wow, Sirius, you really make me feel like I should open up and tell you all my secrets', and I try to sound calm. Sirius snorts next to me, so I know that I just failed. 'Don't laugh.'

'I'm sorry', he says, actually sounding sincere. 'I just have a feeling that something is bothering you. Friends share things to make things easier.'

I raise an eyebrow. 'Friends?'

Sirius' face suddenly turns very earnest. 'Aren't we?'

For a moment I have no idea what I should reply. Are we friends? Because I don't answer right away, Sirius looks the other way but I can see the hurt on his face. It makes me feel guilty. I take another drag from my cigarette while watching him closely. 'Don't look so sad. I'm a bad friend, let's just skip the part where I try to be a good one and fail and go straight to being acquaintances.'

'I'm not hurt', Sirius say, almost in a whiny tone.

'You're a terrible liar.'

Sirius slowly looks back at me, his face eager now. 'And you're a great one, which means that you're lying as well.'

I frown, annoyed. Unsure of what to say, I stub out my cigarette. While lighting another one, I realise my mistake. It was a guess from Sirius' side, that I just confirmed. He doesn't know exactly what was a lie though – I wasn't lying about the being a bad friend part.

'The real question here is why though', Sirius says softly – and just by his tone of voice I know that he's staring intently at me. 'Are you scared?'

Probably. Not that I'd tell him.

'Well, I can't force you to do anything, but just know that I'm here for you. Now, stop with the cold shoulder and give me a cigarette'

Unable to keep a smile from my face, I shake my head, but give him a cigarette anyway.

'Thanks', Sirius says and hands over my lighter. 'Do you think they're kissing yet?'

I shrug. 'It's about time.'

'True.'

Slowly, I blow out, watching the smoke mingle in the night. 'I need a favour.'

'Nah, I don't sell myself.'

Before I realise what I'm doing, I've already punched Sirius, who's laughing out loud. 'Come on, be serious for a moment.'

'Oh, but I'm Sirius all the time, darling', and he winks, clearly amused. His eyes are filled with warmth, a soft smile brightens his face.

Unable to be angry at him when he's looking at me like that, I look away.

'Come on, what do you need?'

The sincerity of his voice lures me back to Sirius' face. The darkness around us makes his light eyes look even brighter. He never looked handsomer than in this moment. I force myself to look away before I get lost in his eyes. 'I need an hour or two, tomorrow, to handle something. But I don't want Lily and Potter to know.'

'Sure.'

The surprise must be visible, because Sirius laughs pleasantly. 'Friends do these kinds of things, Violette, you better get used to it.'

* * *

 _Author's note: Merry Christmas everybody, and also, sorry for the long wait. Question, is anyone bothered with the French? Next chapter will contain more French (nothing too difficult), but I can provide some translation if it makes things easier. Anyway, thank you for reading, let me know what you think, and enjoy Christmas! _


	16. Everything has a price

**Chapter sixteen – Everything has a price**

When I wake up it's still dark, but I know right away that I won't get any more sleep. Wandless, I cast a Lumos charm and check my watch – half past five. We went to bed around one o'clock, and just calculating how much sleep I actually got makes me exhausted. Since breakfast is served at eight, I have less than three hours to kill.

Lily is still fast asleep, so I get dressed noiselessly in something comfortable and go downstairs. The Proud Unicorn is still peaceful and quiet. I go to the living room and sit down on the couch, opening my book (still Fahrenheit 451). However, I can't concentrate at all. My mind keeps wandering to Felix and what I'm going to say to him. I need his help, obviously, but I don't want to involve him. He is stubborn and curious, so I need to be careful.

'Bonjour, Mademoiselle.'

Startled, I almost drop my book, but it's just Joséphine. She's standing in the doorway, probably on her way to the kitchen, to get breakfast ready. 'Bonjour, Mademoiselle Joséphine', I greet her back.

She smiles widely. 'Voulez-vous du thé? Ou café?' (1) She asks me, while walking to the kitchen.

I return her smile and follow her. 'Café, s'il vous plaît.' (2)

Joséphine points me to her coffee machine, while pre-heating the oven. I make myself a cup of coffee, as Joséphine tries to small talk with me. She detects an accent that she isn't familiar with, so I explain to her that I've lived most of my life in Belgium – the French speaking side of it. Because of that my accent adapted. Happy with the course of our conversation, she asks more. I'm not in the mood to talk about it, so I thank her for the cup of coffee but tell her that I need to get dressed.

Once upstairs, I knock on the door of the guys until I hear a sleepy Potter tell me to go away. Smirking, I let him know that breakfast will be served in twenty minutes.

Lily is still sleeping as well, I wake her and go for a shower. After I'm dressed and applied some make-up, Lily is still in bed.

'Breakfast is in five, Lily', I tell the redhead, watching her go from sleepy to panicked within a few seconds. She gets up, almost tripping over her own shoes, wildly looking for some clothes. With a smug smile on my face I leave her to get ready.

Sirius is already seated, nursing a mug of tea, reading the Daily Prophet. Joséphine must have bought it especially for us, since I doubt that the small bed and breakfast has a lot of English customers.

'Good morning, Violette', Sirius greets me.

I'm a bit unsure how he knew it was me, since he hasn't looked up from the paper. I greet him nonetheless and make myself a cup of coffee.

When I've helped myself to another cup of coffee, Lily and James join us, both looking a bit rushed. Hiding my grin behind my mug, I greet them. 'Potter, you do know that a device that's called a comb exists, specially made to fix that thing on your head that you call hair, right?'

Potter replies with a glare, making me laugh out loud. Before I can say anything else, Sirius casually asks Lily if she enjoys art.

I give Sirius a calculating look, guessing he's trying to split us up. Seems like he's getting me what I want. I never thought he would be so sly about it though.

Lily gives Sirius a suspicious look, sensing something is up as well, just not knowing exactly what's going on. 'I do, yes', she replies slowly.

Sirius leans back into his chair and raises an eyebrow at Potter, who's sitting next to him. Potter looks bewildered, but then he understands what Sirius is getting at and then nervousness takes over. 'We could go to, eh, a museum?' Potter asks Lily hopefully, while desperately looking in my direction for help.

'You could go to Musée des Beaux-Arts', I suggest, my hands wrapped around my coffee enjoying the warmth. 'And before you ask, no - I don't do museums.'

'I don't have to go to one', Lily says right away, giving James an apologetic look, clearly enjoying the gesture.

Sirius shrugs, 'I'm pretty sure we don't need you to entertain us, Lily, but thanks.'

Unable to hide my smirk, I take a sip from my coffee to cover it up as much as I can. Lily flushes and Potter acts as if he needs to defend Lily's honour. Sirius ignores them both.

After breakfast we split up. Lily and Potter get their coats and get on their way to the museum, while Sirius and I stay at the bed and breakfast – I tell them that I'm looking for a specific scarf, but in truth I need to get changed. If Felix sees me in a pair of jeans he won't take me seriously. Carefully I put on black, short skirt and tights. High heels, simple button-up shirt, earrings and some bracelets. A little bit of perfume and red lipstick. I grab my trench coat and go downstairs.

'That's quite the metamorphosis', Sirius remarks, who's sitting on the couch with a book on his lap.

Annoyed with his look, I scowl. 'I had no idea you could even read', I answer snidely.

Sirius grins widely, obviously not bothered by my words, closes the book and grabs his coat.

I frown, even more annoyed because my words don't have the desired outcome. 'What are you doing?'

Sirius tilts his head slightly, a boyish grin on his face. 'I'm putting on my coat, as you can see.'

'Yes, I can see that, thank you very much', and I try my best to keep my facial expression neutral, because I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing just how much he can annoy me. 'Why are you doing that?'

'Because I'm going with you.'

'What?!'

Sirius's grin widens. 'I'm going with you.'

'No, Sirius', I tell him, my voice firm, trying to keep myself calm and composed.

'Yes.'

I cross my arms and give him an ugly look. 'This isn't what we agreed on.'

Sirius crosses his arms, copying my look, his eyes shining bright with amusement. 'You needed time without James and Lily. Seems exactly what you've got, Violette.'

Unhappy, but not wanting him to know that I feel that way, I uncross my arms. I decide against arguing with him about this, recognising my loss. 'Fine, but I want your promise that whatever happens, you stay out of it.'

Sirius doesn't answer right away, mischief clear on his face.

'I mean it, Sirius. You can't interfere.'

'Sure', and he smiles happily. 'I just want to say this: you got outwitted by a Gryffindor.'

'Shut up', I grumble and turn around, stalking outside. I can hear Sirius follow me, but I don't look back to check if he's actually coming. If he wants to come, fine, but I won't babysit him. Outside, I stick out my wand hand.

A loud 'BANG' announces the arrival of the Knight Bus. Unlike the UK version, the triple-decker that just appeared is bright red. Apart for the colour, it looks exactly the same. Without waiting for Sirius, I get in.

'Bonjour', a long, thin man welcomes us, smiling widely. His teeth are a tad yellow, his hair looks greasy. 'Où voulez-vous aller?' (3)

'Chemin de la Nerthe 61, s'il vous plaît' (4), I ask him, while paying him.

His smile widens. 'Bien sûr, Mademoiselle. Voulez-vous du vino? Pour vous ou le monsier?' (5)

I tell him we don't want wine - what a horrible idea, drinking red wine on a Knight Bus. Unable to keep the disgust completely off my face, I look to the other side and pull Sirius with me. We sit down at the end of the bus and I grab Sirius' arm tighter, because with another loud 'BANG' we're on some country road that I don't recognise. The bus stops at a small yellow house near the end of the road and an old lady gets off. 'BANG' and we're in the centre of Paris. I can see la tour Eiffel. A young man gets off, carrying an infant. 'BANG', and I see the outskirts of Marseille.

'Mademoiselle', the man with yellow teeth calls out.

Sirius and I get off the Knight Bus, thanking the driver and the conductor on our way out. 'I hate that bus', I mutter to Sirius, frowning deeply, turning to the large, colourful, three story house that belongs to Felix' family. It fits right in, with the soft pink paint, the orange coloured roof and a few balconies. Just a regular, but rather typical house for the south of France. However, the grey owl sitting on the fence tells a different story.

'Remember, don't interfere, okay Sirius?' I tell him without looking at him, because I don't want him to see my nervousness.

'Sure', he answers casually.

I resist the urge to smoke, because it will make me more nervous than I already am, and I walk up to the house. Without giving myself a chance to back out, I knock on the pastel blue door, tapping my foot impatiently.

'Calm down', Sirius says softly, nudging me gently.

I ignore him completely and raise my hand to knock again, but before my hand can make contact with the wood, the door swings open to reveal a tall guy. He has a heart-shaped face, with wispy hair and a few freckles on his nose. His brown eyes catch mine and he frowns instantly. Like expected, and completely deserved, I don't get a warm welcome here.

A feeling of longing surprises me. Felix is wearing comfortable clothes, the ones he used to wear when we were just hanging out after our classes. I haven't realised how much I missed them. 'Bonjour, Felix', I greet him, keeping my voice soft yet steady. I can't look unsure, because then he will walk all over me. He's not fast to forgive and if you give him just a little bit weakness, he'll use that. 'As-tu un moment pour moi?' (6)

Felix frowns, but opens the door a bit more, letting me and Sirius enter. I thank him and go to the sitting area, remembering where it's located from my last visit. I hang my coat over the couch and sit down.

'Je ne t'ai pas dit de t'assoir', Felix says displeased, but his gaze sweeps over my outfit just the same. He checks out Sirius as well, and his frown deepens at Sirius as Sirius sits down next to me, clueless that Felix just told me I wasn't allowed to sit down.

I raise an eyebrow, detecting jealousy, and don't get up. I might be unwelcome, but that doesn't mean that he can treat me without respect. 'C'est Sirius Black, un élève de Hogwarts. Comment ça-va, Felix?'

'Je presume qu'il ne parle pas Français?', Felix ignores me, his voice filled with disgust.

Felix' tone makes me want to smack him, but instead I cross my legs, forcing my body to relax. Felix is tense and hostile, but he let me enter, so he is just trying to get the upper hand and failing. A smug smile creeps on my face, and I keep it there until Felix sees it.

'Very well', Felix says with a heavy French accent, 'I can speak English just the same.'

My smile widens, because Felix switching to English is a victory. A quick glance in Sirius' direction tells me that he has no idea what exactly is going on, but for now he'll let me handle this. I need to be fast before he changes his mind and does something stupid. 'Lovely. Now, tell me Felix, how are you?'

Felix sits down on an armchair facing us. 'This isn't a social call, is it, Violette?'

My name sounds out of place in that sentence, pronounced the French way. 'It isn't, no, but that doesn't mean that we need to be savages. Are you going to make me ask a third time?'

Sirius shifts in his seat next to me, getting impatient. He doesn't understand why I'm pushing Felix so hard, focussing on something banal. He doesn't comprehend that this will make a difference in Felix helping me or not, since I don't have any leverage over him. I'm actually going to ask him a favour and he can just tell me no. However, if I will make him feel that I'm the one in charge here, he will do exactly what I want him to do.

'I'm fine, thanks', he replies, smiling sourly. 'Do you want some wine?' Without waiting for a reply, he snaps his fingers and orders his House Elf to fetch three glasses of wine. The Elf disappears for a second, only to reappear with three glasses wine.

Gratefully, I take a glass, motioning Sirius to do the same. 'Cheers', I say, before taking a sip, savouring the taste. It's been a while since I had some red wine, since my mother doesn't allow me to drink any alcohol. However, when I attended Beauxbatons, we drank wine all the time.

Felix seems to be thinking exactly the same, since he's staring intently at his glass. 'Why?' He barks in my direction. 'Why couldn't you be bothered to even answer one bloody letter?'

The bloody comes out all wrong, and part of me wants to smirk at it, but the other part of me knows that this isn't a time for laughs. Felix wants a serious answer, even though I'm not sure I can actually give him one. Because I was ashamed? Sad? I'm not sure, I just tried not to think about them altogether. 'I just...' And then I pause, unsure of what to say.

'You just what?' Felix asks harshly.

For a moment, I just study Felix intently. He looks angry, really really angry, but also sad. Has he missed me? I realise that I've hurt him by ignoring him. Of course I knew he wouldn't be happy with me ignoring him, but I had no idea I'd actually hurt him. Buying myself some time, I take another sip of my glass, hoping it will give me courage. 'It was too hard, Felix. Writing you guys, hearing how much fun you had, and how much I wasn't included anymore', I tell him. Part of it is true, but most importantly, it's exactly what he wants to hear.

Felix breathes out slowly, all of the anger and annoyance flowing out of him, leaving a sympathetic look on his face. 'We miss you, Violette.'

Unable to look at him, I study the vase on his right intently, willing myself to think about something else. I won't dwell on this.

'What can I do for you?' Felix asks eventually, recognising that's all that I'll get out of me.

Slowly but almost unnoticeable, I breath out. Sirius notices though, because he sits up straighter. 'I need to get into...' I start, but trail off, unsure if I actually want Sirius to know this. It's none of his business. 'Je dois me rendre au tribunal.' (10)

'Tu sais que ma famille n'a aucune influence dans le Ministère' (11), Felix replies in French, sounding confused why we just switched back. Before I can correct him, he let's out a curious sounding 'Ah', understanding that I'm not talking about the Wizarding court, but the Muggle one.

'Oui', I agree with him, equally curious.

'Attend our Christmas party tomorrow.'

'No', I tell him instantly, making my voice hard. 'Out of the question.' My gaze finds Felix', and I give him a pointed stare.

For a moment Felix just studies me, as if he's trying to determine just how much I need this favour and what's it worth to me. On the other hand, the understanding in his brown eyes soften them. He remembers just how much I hate Christmas, and holidays in general really. 'How important is this?' He asks eventually.

I resist the urge to shift nervously. Instead, I uncross my legs, and cross them the other way around. I could lie, tell him it's not that big of a deal, but that would be quite difficult since if it wasn't, I wouldn't have come. Besides, I don't want him to not take this seriously. On the other hand, if I let him know exactly what this is worth to me... I finish my glass and make a well measured guess. 'I don't think I'll ask you anything more important than this.'

Felix' nods once, and follows my lead, finishing his glass. 'I won't be able to get you into there, Violette. But I might be able to get you some information. In return, I want you to send a letter to one of us every month.'

'D'accord', I reply with a small smile. Doesn't seem like a bad deal at all. 'Je veux savoir pourqoui un certain Laurent Bellamy poursuit Maman.' (12)

'D'accord', Felix repeats. 'I'll let you know as soon as I find out. Now, it's almost lunch time. You can stay, if you want.'

'No thanks, we are meeting up with some friends for lunch', I decline politely and tell Sirius to finish his glass. Felix sees us out, and I place three kisses on his cheeks. 'Merci beaucoup, Felix.' (13)

* * *

(1) Do you want tea? Or coffee?  
(2) Coffee, please.  
(3) Where do you want to go to?  
(4) Nerthe-road 61, please.  
(5) Of course, Miss. Do you want some wine? For you or the gentlemen?  
(6) Could I have a moment of your time?  
(7) I didn't tell you could sit.  
(8) This is Sirius Black, a student of Hogwarts. How are you, Felix?  
(9) I presume he doesn't talk English?  
(10) I need to get into court.  
(11) You know that my family has no influence in the Ministry.  
(12) Allright – I need to know why a certain Laurent Bellamy is suing Maman.  
(13) Thank you so much, Felix.

* * *

 _Author's note: Happy new year and all that to everyone! Thank you for the reviews! I've added the translations at the end because I thought it looked sloppy in the text itself. Hopefully it's easier like that! If anybody finds a mistake in the French sentences, please let me know. My French is a bit rusty, oops. Anyone interested in some more interaction with Violette's old friends? Please let me hear what you think! _


	17. It's never just a kiss

_Author's note: It's been a while since I last updated and to be honest I haven't been working on this story. I just came accross the last chapter I wrote, rewrote parts of it and decided to update. I'm not sure if I'll stary writing on this again, but if enough people are interested I might. So, if you are, let me know, otherwise thank you for reading!_

* * *

 **Chapter seventeen – It's never _just_ a kiss**

'Why did you kiss him?' Sirius says the moment we're out of Felix' hearing range. His voice is strained, as if he's trying his best to sound chatty, but in truth he's highly disapproving.

Of all the questions I'm sure that Sirius has, this isn't the one that I thought he'd ask first. All my money was on what I want Felix to do for me. Good for me it wasn't an actual bet, weird Gryffindor. 'It's custom', I tell him absent-minded, because I'm reviewing my conversation with Felix. How fast will he be able to tell me what the lawsuit is about?

'Three times.'

'Custom', I repeat absent-minded and I stick out my wand hand.

With a loud 'BANG' the Knight Bus arrives, almost instantly the long, thin man hangs out of the bus, smiling widely at us. 'Mademoiselle et Monsieur', he greets us with a nod.

'Bonjour encore', I greet him back while getting on the red bus. 'Quai de Rive Neuve, s'il vous plaît.' (1)

The conductor nods vigorously, what makes his greasy hair dance up and down, accepting the money I'm handing him. 'Bien sûr, Mademoiselle, bien sûr.'

'So you kiss everybody three times?' Sirius asks as we sit down.

Not interested in Sirius' complaining, I look outside and ignore him. Did they really miss me? Even though Felix' seemed sincere, I highly doubt it. Especially since it's our N.E.W.T. year, they don't even have the time to think about me, let alone miss me.

'Violette, this is our stop, are you coming?'

'Yes, yes', I mumble, and get up, trying not to make eye-contact with the conductor, who looks like he has called out to me a few times. I wish him and the driver a good day and get out. 'Sorry about that', I say softly to Sirius, a bit embarrassed that I got so lost in thought in public. A loud 'BANG' tells me that the Knight Bus is gone.

'It's fine', he replies, his voice funny.

Curious, I look up at Sirius. His face is almost expressionless, but he's unable to hide his concern completely. He has his hands in his pockets and his light grey eyes are staring right into mine. Uncomfortable, I look away and grab my pack of cigarettes. I hand one to Sirius and light both of them. Slowly, I take a drag, enjoying the taste. 'If Lily and Potter ask anything, we went to a pub.'

'Fine', Sirius says, in the same strange tone.

'What is your problem?' I ask, unable to ignore it for much longer.

'Nothing.'

Annoyed, I bite on my lip and take another drag. 'Obviously not. So spit it out before Lily and Potter show up.'

Sirius doesn't reply right away, letting me know that he's carefully choosing his words. I resist the urge to push him, because I'm not sure if he can take it. For all I know he'll blow up, without caring what Lily and Potter might see. And then there was no point in all this. Well, there is, since Sirius doesn't know exactly what I wanted from Felix, but still. I don't need three Gryffindors to start digging into my business.

'Why haven't you written them?' Sirius asks eventually, his gaze locked on mine. 'They were your friends, were they not?'

I've never seen Sirius' eyes so piercing, and it throws me off guard. I have no idea why this matters so much to him, but it clearly does. Unsure of what to answer, let alone which answer Sirius would prefer. However, not answering is not an option. 'They were, yes.'

Apparently it's not the correct answer, since Sirius frowns. 'Why not anymore?'

Unable to completely keep the confusion off my face, I look away.

'Violette?'

The hardness in Sirius' voice makes me want to walk away, but I know I can't – making a scene is the last thing that I want. I cross my arms, not caring how defensive it makes me look. 'Look, Sirius, I don't know what you want me to say. I had friends at Beauxbatons, I moved away, and wasn't interested in keeping in touch with them because I knew I wouldn't see them anymore. End of story.'

Sirius turns away from me, his shoulders drop an inch. His posture reminds me of a kicked puppy. And then it just clicks, why this bothers him so much. He has been trying to be my friend for a while now, and he has just seen what I do with my friends. A bit ashamed that it took me so long to understand him, I uncross my arms and put my hands in the pockets of my coat. 'I told you, Sirius, I'm a bad friend.'

Before Sirius can reply, a loud 'PADFOOT!' makes us look up. Potter is standing a few yards away, motioning us to come over.

'I never said that I wanted to be friends', Sirius says, without sparing me a glance. 'Prongs, tell me you kissed her!'

I take a drag from my cigarette as Sirius walks over to Potter and a very red looking Lily. I guess they kissed, finally. Sirius congratulates Potter, as Lily hits him, completely mortified.

'Violette, I could use some help!' Lily calls out to me.

Grudgingly I make myself walk towards the three Gryffindors. Lily is smiling brightly, looking utterly happy – even though she is embarrassed. Potter looks as if he has won the most important Quidditch match in his life. 'I take it you two didn't actually see any art', I comment, pushing all the confusion deep down.

Lily rolls her eyes, but doesn't look annoyed in the slightest. 'Come on, I'm hungry.'

Sirius ignores me completely. He sits down next to me, but I suspect he does it on purpose so he doesn't need to look at me. It makes me feel uneasy. Lily and Potter talk enough to not make it obvious that Sirius and I aren't. I order their lunches. Lily asks me if I didn't forget to order for myself this time. I tell her that I already had something earlier. Sirius, still gloomy, doesn't react so Lily takes it as a yes. After lunch we go back to the Proud Unicorn to get our stuff.

'You're pretty quiet, Violette', Lily notes when we are alone in our room. 'Did something happen?'

'No', I answer her, making my voice sound carefree. I force myself to smile mischievous. 'I'm pretty sure something happened between you and Potter, though', I change the subject, and switch my skirt for some comfortable trousers.

Lily blushes instantly. 'Nothing! We just, just-'

'Kissed', I finish the redhead's sentence. 'Probably a lot. Tell me, is he a good kisser? He looks like a terrible kisser.'

'Violette!'

I laugh out loud, actually finding it amusing. 'I take that as a yes.'

'Stop it!'

'Whatever you say, Mrs Potter.'

'Violette, we're not dating!'

I raise an eyebrow, watching her flush even more. 'Oh no, so you go around randomly kissing people every day? Or is it just because you're in France?'

'No, I just, we didn't talk about that', she mumbles, eyes wide.

'You better talk to him then, because I'm pretty sure he'll tell everybody who wants to hear that you two are dating', I snort, picturing Potter telling everybody at the Welcome Back Feast. He's probably hand out invitations to their wedding.

Lily is quiet after that, lost in thought. Probably making up her mind if she actually wants to be dating Potter. I leave her be and in silence we pack our things. Afterwards we meet the guys in the living room.

'Au revoir, Mademoiselle Joséphine', I say goodbye to her. Lily copies me, but it sounds awful, making Joséphine and me laugh. The guys just say goodbye in English.

James offers us an umbrella, while giving Lily an apologetic look. Before I can say anything about it, the familiar pulling making me forget I even wanted to say something about it. For a moment I think I'll actually be sick, but then the feeling passes and I straighten myself.

'Violette!'

I force myself not to wince as two familiar arms wrap themselves around me. A heavy flowerily scent tickles my nose and almost makes me sneeze. 'Maman, s'il vous plaît', I murmur, embarrassed and annoyed at the same time.

'Ma belle, très belle Violette', Maman says as she loosens her grip, checking me all over as if she hasn't seen me in years. 'You look a bit pale.'

'I'm fine, thanks', and I take a step back, while giving her a bright smile. Nobody needs to know how annoyed I am at her being here. However, I can't contain my curiosity. 'Why are you picking me up?'

Maman frowns for a second, but it's gone so fast that it's almost like it was never there in the first place. 'Why wouldn't I pick you up? Now, who are your friends?'

'My name is Lily', the redhead introduces herself. 'This is my father, and then you have James and Sirius. Dad, that's Violette and her mother.'

'It's a pleasure to meet you', Maman exclaims, sounding overly joyed. Completely oblivious that James has only eyes for Lily, Lily is trying to make James look away from her while and Sirius is giving my mother a sceptical look. 'My name is Céleste Leclair', and she shakes Mister Evans' hand. 'I hope you all had a wonderful time in Marseille?'

'We had, thanks', I answer quickly while glancing in Sirius' direction. Why is he so interested in my mother? I don't like it at all. Maman is a good liar, but she doesn't think she needs to be careful at the moment – and that's when it gets dangerous. Time to leave. 'We should go, Maman. I'm not dressed for this weather.'

'Yes, yes of course', she mutters, not happy with me cutting this meeting short but also not wanting me to catch a cold.

I give my mother a thankful smile and turn towards the three Gryffindors. 'I'll see you at Hogwarts.'

'Enjoy the rest of your Holidays', Lily says with a wide smile. She wraps her arms around me and hugs me. 'Thank you for coming with us', she whispers in my ear.

'No problem', I murmur back and give her a wink. She lets go of me and I can see the gratefulness shine in her eyes. 'Mister Evans, Potter, Sirius', I greet them with a nod.

Before I'm fully aware of what Sirius is doing, he has his hand on my waist to keep me from backing away and he presses a kiss on my cheek. 'Just a custom, right?' He whispers into my ear, his breath hot on my skin. Not giving me any time to respond, he steps away, a sly grin on his face, almost daring me to make a scene.

Unable to keep the confusion off my face, I turn away and know Maman will follow me, curious as to why Sirius did that. However, I don't want to discuss it, so I briskly walk towards the entrance of the station. I can still feel where Sirius kissed me. He kissed me. Well, it was just on the cheek, but still. It's a custom from where I'm from, but somehow it doesn't feel like it when he did it.

'Violette, is something going on between you and that boy?' Maman inquires as she catches up with me, annoyed that I took off like that, but more interested in Sirius.

'Absolutely nothing, Maman. Just a custom', I tell her, trying not to think of the dark-haired guy. 'Where did you park the car?'

'Oh, right, I Apparated here', she says, sounding distracted. Probably still thinking about Sirius.

Carefully, I make sure that I don't show any of the irritation that I'm feeling because of that statement. I take a turn to the right, because the Apparition point should be that way. 'Why did you Apparate?' I ask her casually, as if I'm not that interested.

'Are you sure it meant nothing, chérie?' Maman asks, ignoring my question entirely.

I slowly blow out the breath I didn't even know I was holding. I'm not sure why everything just gets on my nerves right away, and even more than usual, but I need to get a hold of myself. I'll deal with Sirius later. Right now I need to focus on my mother and her questionable behaviour. Not that she's that much out of character, but she wasn't supposed to pick me up, nor does she Apparate if she can help it. 'Absolutely nothing', I repeat myself and grudgingly offer my arm.

Maman links her arm through mine and a second later I feel as if I'm being squeezed through a straw. Nausea makes my knees buckle for a moment, but I keep the discomfort off my face. Almost immediately I pull back my arm, trying to not look too hasty, and follow my mother as she enters the house.

'We're home', she calls out to an empty hall and hangs her coat on the coat rack.

'That was quick!' An unfamiliar voice makes me freeze.

A long, muscular man is walking up to us. He has a short beard, dark hair and big, brown eyes. He's wearing formal robes and smiling brightly. His smile widens even more when he catches my gaze. 'You must be Violette.'

'Maman, qui est-il?' (3) I ask my mother, switching back to French because I don't want him included in our conversation. The man's smile falters, so or he speaks French himself, or I sound more hostile than I meant to be.

'Violette, don't be rude', Maman reprimands me with a frown on her face. 'Apologise.'

I chew on my lip, biting back a retort, and look at my shoes, dropping my shoulders an inch, knowing it will make me look like I'm ashamed. 'Sorry', I say, even though I'm far from sorry. It was her decision that after our move to England, speaking French was rude. Maybe my tone wasn't entirely friendly, but I'm allowed to ask who's in our house.

'That's more like it', and she clacks her tongue. 'Dave, this is my eldest, Violette. Excuse her behaviour, you know how they can get at this age. '

Unable to keep the anger off my face, I keep staring at my own shoes. How dare she introduce me like this? I fold my arms and push my nails in my hand palm, diverting some of my outrage. This is not the time, nor the place.

'Violette, chérie, this is David Baker', Maman introduces him to me.

The way she says his name makes me look up. There is a certain fondness in it, but I'm not entirely convinced it's true. Maman walks up to this David guy, leans in and kisses him on the lips. It's meant as a short kiss, but David places a hand on her back and deepens the kiss.

Unable to keep the disgust off my face – and to be honest I'm not even trying – I stalk next to them to the living room, trying to forget what I just saw.

* * *

(1) Back to the Proud Unicorn, please.  
(2) Of course, Miss, of course.  
(3) Maman, who is he?


	18. New face, new rules

**Chapter eighteen – New face, new rules**

Matthieu is sprawled in an armchair near the fireplace, his usually – almost obsessively – neat hair is tousled. He has a sketchbook in his lap and he's loosely holding a pencil, but he's staring intently at the fire. When he hears me enter, he fixes his gaze on his sketchbook.

Annoyed that he's ignoring me, I roll my eyes. I sit down in the armchair opposite of him and stare at him, knowing it will irk him. 'So, what do you think of this David the Baker?'

'That's disgusting', Matthieu reacts right away, looking up so fast that it might not be healthy. His eyes catch mine, and then they darken a bit, realising that I said it on purpose.

While growing up in Belgium, Matthieu had a friend called Sven de Bakker. The boy was awfully small, with a lot of freckles and a stutter. He was a really sweet kid, but comparing him with this David guy is a bit...disgusting, as Matthieu put it. 'Well, you stopped ignoring me', I point out, happy with the response I got.

Matthieu shrugs and closes his sketchbook, accepting the comparison as a sort of truce. 'He arrived yesterday. Apparently, he's Maman's...boyfriend. He was on a business trip, that's why we haven't seen him earlier. Why are you frowning?'

I lean back in my chair, pulling up my knees and wrap my arms around them. 'I don't know, I just find it weird, I guess.' Well, I'm not lying. It is strange, more specifically, the timing. In all those years, why now a boyfriend? A boyfriend she never spoke about, who she doesn't even seem to actually like.

'Violette, Matts, dinner!'

Not in the mood to have dinner, I consider the consequences of playing the sick-card. Maman will fuss the rest of the holidays and won't lose me out of her sight. Filled with resentment, I get up. Matthieu notices and gives me a half smile, not looking forward to dinner either.

When Matthieu and I enter the dining room, Maman is still in the kitchen. David is sitting on my spot, across of Maman. I've tried to fight her for years on it, but I wasn't allowed to sit anywhere else because then she wouldn't be able to keep a close eye on my plate. Without showing my surprise, I sit down next to Maman's spot, so I can observe him without being too obvious.

'What's for dinner?' Matthieu asks no one in particular. He's not even interested, he just doesn't like the tension in the room.

David, feeling the tension as well, is grateful for the diversion and gives Matthieu a warm smile. 'Your mother has made ratatouille. She said it is a typical French dish and she makes it all the time.'

Carefully, I make sure that the disgust isn't clear on my face. I wasn't sure before, but I am now. David is just a tool, but I'm not sure what game she's playing. And David, the poor fool, has no idea. The way his eyes brighten when he talks about Maman, makes it very clear that he actually likes her. Well, the version she showed him, the loving, attentive mother. Maman hates cooking.

Matthieu catches my gaze, his blue eyes filled with unspoken questions. Since he hasn't said anything about it yet, I assume that he'll follow my lead.

'Rata is nice', I say, choosing my words wisely. Before Maman joins us, I quickly change the subject, asking him how they met. It will be interesting to ask her the same question later on and to see if their stories differ or not.

David almost beams, sitting a bit straighter, obviously happy with the question. He probably thinks that they have my "approval." What an idiot. 'We met on this Muggle wine-tasting. I had no idea she even was a witch at first. Cecy was just so...charming and elegant. Captured my interest right away.'

I press my lips together to keep them from morphing in a smirk. He has given her a nickname. I don't think I've ever heard anyone call Maman Cecy. Out of the corner of my eye I can see Matthieu hide a smirk behind his hand. 'That is pretty...sweet.' And interesting.

'I thought so too', David agrees with me, not noticing that I'm being sarcastic. 'I'm sorry, that I surprised you like that before. I just didn't want to wait anymore, maybe I should have. After all, Cecy said that the both of you needed time to adjust.'

'It's fine', and I force myself to smile. David is an easy audience. Without really trying to make the smile look genuine, he accepts it and widens his smile. How can he smile that much? His cheeks must hurt by now.

Before I need to come up with another subject, Maman walks in, a casserole floating in front of her. She's clearly showing off and it irks me to no end.

'How do you guys feel about going to an art exposition?' David asks after he has praised Maman about a dozen times about her rata. It makes Maman glow. It makes me suspect that she bought it.

'That sounds lovely', Maman exclaims, too fast, too loud.

Matthieu rolls his eyes, something Maman and David miss completely because they're staring at each other. I do notice, and wink at him, making him smile. I ignore David's detailed description on the artist and his style.

'You look well, Violette', Maman murmurs, giving me a sidelong glance. 'Have you gained weight?'

I freeze instantly. My stomach turns and I feel as if I'll be sick. Have I gained weight? I suppose she is right, since my weight isn't as low as it was when she came to Hogwarts. However, it's still less than when I started Hogwarts. And even then she was fussing over me, telling me that I need to gain weight. With great difficulty, I force myself to smile. 'Thank you.'

Maman gives me a proud look and turns to David. I try not to listen to her, but I still catch the words "eating disorder" and "has been a problem for years now". Part of me wants to get up, _dramatically_ , and leave the room. Possibly closing the door with a loud bang. Instead of doing all that, I straighten my back, force all those feelings that want to complicate things down and subtly banish a bit of the food on my plate.

Matthieu kicks me, hard, and when I look up he gives me a pointed look. Apparently I wasn't that subtle after all. He frowns, but keeps silent. It seems that David's appearance has made us allies, at least for now. Usually he rats me out right away. I shrug, not knowing what to say. Our sudden alliance is nice, but I doubt it's solid. And let's not forget about his new friends back at Hogwarts.

After dinner, Matthieu and I sneak away. In the past only Matthieu was able to do this. Maman wouldn't let me out of her sight after dinner, afraid I'd make myself sick. Matthieu notices me getting out of the kitchen as well and frowns. 'What is going on?' he asks quietly when I've closed the door behind me.

Unsure of what to tell him, I motion him to go upstairs. Without asking, he walks into my bedroom and sits down at the desk. I sit down on my bed, grabbing my book (" _Het is liefde die we niet begrijpen by Bart Moeyaert_ ") (*) and stare at the cover.

'So?' Matthieu snaps, with a hint of irritation in his voice.

Without saying anything, I shrug and open my book. Matthieu keeps silent as well, obviously waiting for me to talk. So I give in. 'I told you that she was acting strange before, but you weren't listening then.'

'I'm listening now', he mumbles.

I close my book again and put it next to me. When I look up at him, I see him staring intently at me, almost begging to be included in whatever I know. For a moment I actually feel sorry for him. 'I found a letter a while ago in her purse. It seems that she's being sued, but I don't know why.'

Matthieu blinks, clearly not expecting that. 'And now she seems to have lost interest in you, and only has eyes for _him_.'

Unable to ignore the jealously in his voice, I look away. There is no point in denying it, since it's the truth and we both know it.

'Are you doing it on purpose?' he asks softly.

I stare at my hands, not knowing what to tell him. I can't tell him the truth, but it's hard to lie when he isn't yelling at me. Eventually, when I can't stand the silence anymore, I decide to just dance around the question. Hopefully he doesn't notice. 'It's a disease, Matthieu. I know you don't believe me when I say this, but I don't enjoy her fussing over me. It's suffocating.'

He is silent for a while, obviously considering my words. 'But why won't you get better then? You've been like this for years.'

'I am trying', I answer him in a small voice.

'I have always been so jealous of the attention you received from Maman', Matthieu admits. 'I've never thought of how it is for you.'

'It's okay', I murmur, trying not to feel guilty but not succeeding.

'J'ai été un mauvais frère, vraiment horrible.' (1)

Cautiously, I look up, alarmed that he switched back to French. Matthieu isn't looking at me, he's staring outside the window, frowning. 'You're not, Matthieu. It is wrong what she did, she shouldn't have given me so much attention.'

Matthieu shrugs, not replying.

'Hey, look at me', I ask him, needing him to look at me so I can make him understand. He doesn't move, just keeps staring outside. 'Matts, regardez-moi', (2) I switch back to French as well, hoping to get his attention this way. It works, even though he keeps frowning. 'You're a victim here, don't forget that.'

'And so are you', he counters defiantly.

Unable to reply right away, I take a deep breath, wishing for a cigarette.

'Do you think it's related, him suddenly being here and Maman being sued?' Matthieu says, noticing my discomfort and changes the topic.

'How can it not?' I ask him, lying down on my bed, staring at the ceiling. 'As far as I know is your father the last man she dated.'

'And she dumped him when she got pregnant, because he wasn't parent-material', Matthieu finishes.

Quickly, I glance in his direction, to see him looking outside again.

'Have you ever seen him? You haven't, have you? I remember Maman telling me that she never brought him home, because he would be a bad influence for you.'

I stare back up at the ceiling, happy he's not looking at me, but trying to keep my facial expression indifferent in case he looks over. It's been years since I last thought of Matthieu's father, and I can't remember his name. He would give us hot chocolate all the time, even though Maman didn't approve.

'Do you think things would have been different, if he would have been there?' Matthieu asks wistfully.

'Probably', I reply, not having the heart to lie about this.

'Would you still have become sick?' he murmurs, making it almost impossible to hear.

But I do. 'I don't know.'

'I really miss my friends', he says after a short silence. 'Christophe said that you haven't been writing them?'

Christophe used to be a really good friend of Matthieu, mostly because they met because I became friends with Christophe's older sister Aurélie. I had no idea he still writes with him.

'So it's true', he says, watching guilt form on my face. 'I'm going to see him next weekend, why don't you tag along?'

'I'll think about it', I answer carefully. Hopefully Felix and Aurélie haven't spoken by then, and if they have, Aurélie hasn't told her brother. Even though Matthieu and I get along at the moment, I don't need him to rat me out later on.

'Come on', and he gets up. His dark blue eyes shining with enthusiasm. 'Let's go get some ice-cream.'

I frown. 'Maman will notice right away if both of us sneak off.'

Matthieu rolls his eyes. 'Let me handle that. I bet she's thrilled you're going out with me to eat ice-cream.'

'Matts, it's almost nine o'clock', and I try not to sound too whiny, 'You won't find any ice-cream. Besides, you just had dinner, you can't be hungry.'

He grins and grabs my foot, giving it a tug. 'You don't need to be hungry to eat ice-cream.'

I kick in his direction, but he takes a step back. 'Leave me alone, ice-cream-boy.'

Matthieu laughs. 'Don't ruin this for me and just get up.'

'Whatever', and I comply, rolling my eyes. 'Where do you plan on finding any?'

'You do remember that we're living in London, right?' and he pushes me towards the door.

'Hey, keep your hands to yourself', I tell him, rolling my eyes. 'Get out of my room. If we're going to go out, I need to change.'

'Don't bail on me', he says, pointing a finger in my direction.

I roll my eyes and slam the door behind him. Even though going out for ice-cream is the last thing I want to do right now, I grab a black jumper. It's been a long time since I saw Matthieu so happy around me, I don't have the heart to disappoint him.

* * *

(*) Het is liefde die we niet begrijpen, written by Bart Moeyaert. Moeyaert is a Belgian writer, and this piece is translated into English – It's love we don't understand.  
(1) I've been a bad brother, really horrible.  
(2) Look at me.

* * *

 _Author's note_ _: Do you like knowing what Violette reads, or is it not important to you? Also, what do you guys think of the current peace between Violette and her brother? I'm not sure if it will last, and if it doesn't, how long it should. Any suggestions? Anyhow, thank you for reading and have a nice day!_


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